| Humor Non-Fiction posted August 12, 2020 |
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Advice column for animals
Ask P&P - August 12
by damommy
This is an advice column for animals with answers from Yvonne’s PC and Helen’s Patch. All animals, domesticated or wild, are welcome to ask questions. Your animals might even have some advice to share. Questions and Answers are posted on Wednesdays alternately by damommy and lyenochka.
PC's answers are in red; Patch's answers are in blue.
Question from Ellie, Gypsy's cat: why is Atticus always chasing me and grabbing my tail.
Dear Ellie,
I suspect he simply wants to play, and thinks your tail is the ‘handle’ he can catch. Try not to run, and let him pet you. You’ll have a little boy who will love you always. If he gets too rough, you can always run away, but DO NOT scratch him. Be a good girl.
Dear Ellie,
I sympathize with you! But you must remember that Atticus is a human kitten and he has so much to learn. He probably thinks your tail is just a wonderful toy. He doesn’t have a tail so he thinks it’s just a fun toy you have and thinks you should share. So find a safe place to run to if he plays too rough. Human kittens grow fast. They will soon learn how to be good to cats just like your human is.
Roberta Lawrinksy writes:
Dear Yvonne's PC,
I like to walk on the keys of my human's computer but she yells at me whenever I do that. Is there anything I can do about that?
Just do what most of us do – ignore her. Act like it wasn’t you (even though she saw you). An innocent expression does wonders for staying out of trouble. Give her that “Who, me?” look. It never fails.
When your human yells, you have two strategies to employ. 1) Put on the I'm-so-incredibly cute Puss'n'Boots expression or 2) Just curl up and snore away like this cat below.
Pantygynt’s dog Penny asks:
I know you cats hate water and I enjoy swimming BUT my human came back from the store this morning with a bottle labelled 'Shampoo for Dogs'. I am the only dog here and I am not too happy about that label. What should be my correct course of action?
Dear Penny,
Oh, dear, I’m afraid this is a tough one. I think you’ll just have to accept that you’re going to get a bath. Unless you can bribe Paddy to take your place, which I highly doubt. Hiding won’t do any good, and looking pitiful won’t get you very far this time. I can’t think of anything that will get you out of this one. Maybe, since you like to swim, your human can bubble you up good with shampoo and let you go for a real swim. Would that work for you?
Dear Penny,
Don’t put all of us cats in the same water-hating category! Maine Coon, Turkish Angora, Japanese Bobtail, American Bobtail, Manx, Norwegian Forest Cat, American Shorthair, Turkish Van, and Bengal cats all love water. Having said that, I personally would put up a great big fight if I were to get a bath. But since you enjoy a good swim, imagine you are swimming in bubbles instead of getting shampooed.
Robyn Corum asks: My family owns a sweet (but strange) little pup who lives in the house, a wonderful outdoor mutt-doggy, as well as a fabulous guard-cat.
The neighbors have a new pup - and he is a cutie, no doubt. His name is Bruiser and he's part Golden Retriever and part whatever. Here's the problem: Bruiser comes over to visit my outside mutt-doggy, Major, and then, if our door happens to be open for more than a shaggy-second, he's inside and making himself at home!
The other day when he came in soaking wet. I had to try to corral Bruiser and explain to him AGAIN that THIS IS NOT HIS HOUSE. Can you help me? I don't know what to do.
Dear Robyn: We’re very happy to help figure out what to do about this problem. Dogs are shy about asking us for advice. What works for us is our human’s spray bottle. We stop everything when we see it come out. It’s harmless (just water) but very annoying. Get a spray bottle or squirt gun, then try squirting the intruder. He will soon learn not to come in the house. Even if he’s already wet, he won’t like the surprise of being squirted.
Dear Robyn,
Didn’t you say you had a guard cat? What is that cat doing - sleeping on the job? Now make that cat live up to that “fabulous” adjective and chase that neighbor’s dog out of your property!
Stewart’s dogs, Dusty and Harley want to know: Why do we have to eat the same food day after day. Our humans eat all kinds of good smelling things we’re aren’t allowed to have. It’s not fair!
Dear Dusty and Harley:
Well, boys, I hate to disagree with you, but your humans are taking really good care of you by giving you the right diet. Human food isn’t always good for us furry people. Our food is geared for our bodies to keep us healthy. Of course, an occasional tidbit from the table won’t hurt you, but think about this - No one makes you eat broccoli.
Dear Dusty and Harley:
I know that some of the delicious foods that humans eat have things like garlic and onions which are really good for humans but dangerous for our red blood cells. So, listen to PC’s good advice. Your humans are watching out for you.
LisaMay’s cat Lily asks:
Why am I not allowed to walk along the mantlepiece? That is where the most interesting items are.
Dear Lily,
That’s why they’re up there, to keep them out of your reach. Do you want your human rummaging around in your toy basket? I thought not. She doesn’t want you up on the mantelpiece, and you’re going to keep getting scolded if you do. Be a good girl and do what your human says.
Dear Lily,
Do you have a favorite toy? The mantlepiece is where your human puts her favorite toys. She doesn’t want you to do like this anti-Christmas cat did below.
This is an advice column for animals with answers from Yvonne’s PC and Helen’s Patch. All animals, domesticated or wild, are welcome to ask questions. Your animals might even have some advice to share. Questions and Answers are posted on Wednesdays alternately by damommy and lyenochka.
PC's answers are in red; Patch's answers are in blue.
Question from Ellie, Gypsy's cat: why is Atticus always chasing me and grabbing my tail.
Dear Ellie,
I suspect he simply wants to play, and thinks your tail is the ‘handle’ he can catch. Try not to run, and let him pet you. You’ll have a little boy who will love you always. If he gets too rough, you can always run away, but DO NOT scratch him. Be a good girl.
Dear Ellie,
I sympathize with you! But you must remember that Atticus is a human kitten and he has so much to learn. He probably thinks your tail is just a wonderful toy. He doesn’t have a tail so he thinks it’s just a fun toy you have and thinks you should share. So find a safe place to run to if he plays too rough. Human kittens grow fast. They will soon learn how to be good to cats just like your human is.
Roberta Lawrinksy writes:
Dear Yvonne's PC,
I like to walk on the keys of my human's computer but she yells at me whenever I do that. Is there anything I can do about that?
Just do what most of us do – ignore her. Act like it wasn’t you (even though she saw you). An innocent expression does wonders for staying out of trouble. Give her that “Who, me?” look. It never fails.
When your human yells, you have two strategies to employ. 1) Put on the I'm-so-incredibly cute Puss'n'Boots expression or 2) Just curl up and snore away like this cat below.
Pantygynt’s dog Penny asks:
I know you cats hate water and I enjoy swimming BUT my human came back from the store this morning with a bottle labelled 'Shampoo for Dogs'. I am the only dog here and I am not too happy about that label. What should be my correct course of action?
Dear Penny,
Oh, dear, I’m afraid this is a tough one. I think you’ll just have to accept that you’re going to get a bath. Unless you can bribe Paddy to take your place, which I highly doubt. Hiding won’t do any good, and looking pitiful won’t get you very far this time. I can’t think of anything that will get you out of this one. Maybe, since you like to swim, your human can bubble you up good with shampoo and let you go for a real swim. Would that work for you?
Dear Penny,
Don’t put all of us cats in the same water-hating category! Maine Coon, Turkish Angora, Japanese Bobtail, American Bobtail, Manx, Norwegian Forest Cat, American Shorthair, Turkish Van, and Bengal cats all love water. Having said that, I personally would put up a great big fight if I were to get a bath. But since you enjoy a good swim, imagine you are swimming in bubbles instead of getting shampooed.
Robyn Corum asks: My family owns a sweet (but strange) little pup who lives in the house, a wonderful outdoor mutt-doggy, as well as a fabulous guard-cat.
The neighbors have a new pup - and he is a cutie, no doubt. His name is Bruiser and he's part Golden Retriever and part whatever. Here's the problem: Bruiser comes over to visit my outside mutt-doggy, Major, and then, if our door happens to be open for more than a shaggy-second, he's inside and making himself at home!
The other day when he came in soaking wet. I had to try to corral Bruiser and explain to him AGAIN that THIS IS NOT HIS HOUSE. Can you help me? I don't know what to do.
Dear Robyn: We’re very happy to help figure out what to do about this problem. Dogs are shy about asking us for advice. What works for us is our human’s spray bottle. We stop everything when we see it come out. It’s harmless (just water) but very annoying. Get a spray bottle or squirt gun, then try squirting the intruder. He will soon learn not to come in the house. Even if he’s already wet, he won’t like the surprise of being squirted.
Dear Robyn,
Didn’t you say you had a guard cat? What is that cat doing - sleeping on the job? Now make that cat live up to that “fabulous” adjective and chase that neighbor’s dog out of your property!
Stewart’s dogs, Dusty and Harley want to know: Why do we have to eat the same food day after day. Our humans eat all kinds of good smelling things we’re aren’t allowed to have. It’s not fair!
Dear Dusty and Harley:
Well, boys, I hate to disagree with you, but your humans are taking really good care of you by giving you the right diet. Human food isn’t always good for us furry people. Our food is geared for our bodies to keep us healthy. Of course, an occasional tidbit from the table won’t hurt you, but think about this - No one makes you eat broccoli.
Dear Dusty and Harley:
I know that some of the delicious foods that humans eat have things like garlic and onions which are really good for humans but dangerous for our red blood cells. So, listen to PC’s good advice. Your humans are watching out for you.
LisaMay’s cat Lily asks:
Why am I not allowed to walk along the mantlepiece? That is where the most interesting items are.
Dear Lily,
That’s why they’re up there, to keep them out of your reach. Do you want your human rummaging around in your toy basket? I thought not. She doesn’t want you up on the mantelpiece, and you’re going to keep getting scolded if you do. Be a good girl and do what your human says.
Dear Lily,
Do you have a favorite toy? The mantlepiece is where your human puts her favorite toys. She doesn’t want you to do like this anti-Christmas cat did below.
PC's answers are in red; Patch's answers are in blue.
Question from Ellie, Gypsy's cat: why is Atticus always chasing me and grabbing my tail.
Dear Ellie,
I suspect he simply wants to play, and thinks your tail is the ‘handle’ he can catch. Try not to run, and let him pet you. You’ll have a little boy who will love you always. If he gets too rough, you can always run away, but DO NOT scratch him. Be a good girl.
Dear Ellie,
I sympathize with you! But you must remember that Atticus is a human kitten and he has so much to learn. He probably thinks your tail is just a wonderful toy. He doesn’t have a tail so he thinks it’s just a fun toy you have and thinks you should share. So find a safe place to run to if he plays too rough. Human kittens grow fast. They will soon learn how to be good to cats just like your human is.
Roberta Lawrinksy writes:
Dear Yvonne's PC,
I like to walk on the keys of my human's computer but she yells at me whenever I do that. Is there anything I can do about that?
Just do what most of us do – ignore her. Act like it wasn’t you (even though she saw you). An innocent expression does wonders for staying out of trouble. Give her that “Who, me?” look. It never fails.
When your human yells, you have two strategies to employ. 1) Put on the I'm-so-incredibly cute Puss'n'Boots expression or 2) Just curl up and snore away like this cat below.
Pantygynt’s dog Penny asks:
I know you cats hate water and I enjoy swimming BUT my human came back from the store this morning with a bottle labelled 'Shampoo for Dogs'. I am the only dog here and I am not too happy about that label. What should be my correct course of action?
Dear Penny,
Oh, dear, I’m afraid this is a tough one. I think you’ll just have to accept that you’re going to get a bath. Unless you can bribe Paddy to take your place, which I highly doubt. Hiding won’t do any good, and looking pitiful won’t get you very far this time. I can’t think of anything that will get you out of this one. Maybe, since you like to swim, your human can bubble you up good with shampoo and let you go for a real swim. Would that work for you?
Dear Penny,
Don’t put all of us cats in the same water-hating category! Maine Coon, Turkish Angora, Japanese Bobtail, American Bobtail, Manx, Norwegian Forest Cat, American Shorthair, Turkish Van, and Bengal cats all love water. Having said that, I personally would put up a great big fight if I were to get a bath. But since you enjoy a good swim, imagine you are swimming in bubbles instead of getting shampooed.
Robyn Corum asks: My family owns a sweet (but strange) little pup who lives in the house, a wonderful outdoor mutt-doggy, as well as a fabulous guard-cat.
The neighbors have a new pup - and he is a cutie, no doubt. His name is Bruiser and he's part Golden Retriever and part whatever. Here's the problem: Bruiser comes over to visit my outside mutt-doggy, Major, and then, if our door happens to be open for more than a shaggy-second, he's inside and making himself at home!
The other day when he came in soaking wet. I had to try to corral Bruiser and explain to him AGAIN that THIS IS NOT HIS HOUSE. Can you help me? I don't know what to do.
Dear Robyn: We’re very happy to help figure out what to do about this problem. Dogs are shy about asking us for advice. What works for us is our human’s spray bottle. We stop everything when we see it come out. It’s harmless (just water) but very annoying. Get a spray bottle or squirt gun, then try squirting the intruder. He will soon learn not to come in the house. Even if he’s already wet, he won’t like the surprise of being squirted.
Dear Robyn,
Didn’t you say you had a guard cat? What is that cat doing - sleeping on the job? Now make that cat live up to that “fabulous” adjective and chase that neighbor’s dog out of your property!
Stewart’s dogs, Dusty and Harley want to know: Why do we have to eat the same food day after day. Our humans eat all kinds of good smelling things we’re aren’t allowed to have. It’s not fair!
Dear Dusty and Harley:
Well, boys, I hate to disagree with you, but your humans are taking really good care of you by giving you the right diet. Human food isn’t always good for us furry people. Our food is geared for our bodies to keep us healthy. Of course, an occasional tidbit from the table won’t hurt you, but think about this - No one makes you eat broccoli.
Dear Dusty and Harley:
I know that some of the delicious foods that humans eat have things like garlic and onions which are really good for humans but dangerous for our red blood cells. So, listen to PC’s good advice. Your humans are watching out for you.
LisaMay’s cat Lily asks:
Why am I not allowed to walk along the mantlepiece? That is where the most interesting items are.
Dear Lily,
That’s why they’re up there, to keep them out of your reach. Do you want your human rummaging around in your toy basket? I thought not. She doesn’t want you up on the mantelpiece, and you’re going to keep getting scolded if you do. Be a good girl and do what your human says.
Dear Lily,
Do you have a favorite toy? The mantlepiece is where your human puts her favorite toys. She doesn’t want you to do like this anti-Christmas cat did below.
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