| Commentary and Philosophy Non-Fiction posted January 5, 2023 |
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What a relief!
Women Are Always Right
by Jim Wile
What do like best about a Woman? Contest Winner
The thing I like best about women is that they are always right. About everything! You can’t imagine how much pressure that takes off us guys. If there are a few different ways to do something, choose the woman’s way, and you’ll be right every time. No more second thoughts, no more doubts, no more wondering if she’ll be pleased. Just do it her way, and you’ll have done it the right way. What a relief!
If a woman suggests how to do a task, don’t question it, don’t embellish upon it, and certainly don’t cut any corners doing it. Just do it exactly how she tells you to. Remember: She is always right. There is no point in arguing about it or trying to convince her that your way is better or less expensive. You’ll never win that argument. Better to save your energy for the project.
Let me give you an example. In the old days, before my enlightenment, my wife once bought a trellis and asked me to attach it to the side of our brick house.
I went out to buy some masonry nails to anchor the trellis to the wall. When I got home, she asked me what those were for.
“I’m going to hammer them into the mortar between the bricks to anchor the trellis."
"No, you’re not.”
“Why not?”
“Because it will leave holes in the wall.”
“But the nails will be in the holes. You won’t see them.”
“Well, duh! I mean when we take the trellis down.”
“Why would we (meaning me) take it down?”
“We’re not going to have it forever.”
“Well, I’ll patch the holes when it comes down.”
“But you’ll never get the color of the patching stuff to match the mortar.”
“I’ll paint ‘em to match.”
“That’ll never work. You’re color blind, remember?”
“Jeesh! Okay, then how would you attach the trellis to the wall?”
“How about if you get a big sheet of plywood—not that thin stuff that warps easily, but a good thick one—and nail that to the wall. Then you can paint it, and attach the trellis to that.”
“But I’ll still be hammering nails into the cement.”
“Yeah, but they’ll be way up by the soffit and way down by the ground where no one will notice them.”
“Okay, but these nails I bought cost only 29 cents. With your way I’ve got to spend probably $100 on plywood and paint too, not to mention all the extra hours it will take priming and painting and measuring and cutting. And then I'll have to buy a ladder to get up there to nail on the plywood.”
“We’ll probably need a good ladder anyway for some other projects I’ve got in mind.”
“Oh, joy!”
After the plywood was painted and attached, and the trellis was put up and the vines planted, a few months later she decided the color I’d painted the plywood (that she picked out) wasn’t quite right and didn’t quite go with the color of the vine.
“So, you were wrong about the color, huh?” I challenged her.
“I wasn’t wrong. The color of the vine doesn’t exactly match the color in the catalog I picked it from. The catalog was wrong.”
So, down came the vine and the trellis so that I could repaint the plywood in order to have a more “piquant” contrast with the vine.
“You see the nice thing about the plywood background?” she asked me. “Now we can change the color whenever we want to for different vines.”
I learned my lesson that time, and now I’m much happier that I no longer have to think. I can just go around in my own mindless, happy-go-lucky way, trusting that I’ll always be doing things perfectly when I do it her way. Why? Because she is always right.
The thing I like best about women is that they are always right. About everything! You can’t imagine how much pressure that takes off us guys. If there are a few different ways to do something, choose the woman’s way, and you’ll be right every time. No more second thoughts, no more doubts, no more wondering if she’ll be pleased. Just do it her way, and you’ll have done it the right way. What a relief!
If a woman suggests how to do a task, don’t question it, don’t embellish upon it, and certainly don’t cut any corners doing it. Just do it exactly how she tells you to. Remember: She is always right. There is no point in arguing about it or trying to convince her that your way is better or less expensive. You’ll never win that argument. Better to save your energy for the project.
Let me give you an example. In the old days, before my enlightenment, my wife once bought a trellis and asked me to attach it to the side of our brick house.
I went out to buy some masonry nails to anchor the trellis to the wall. When I got home, she asked me what those were for.
“I’m going to hammer them into the mortar between the bricks to anchor the trellis."
"No, you’re not.”
“Why not?”
“Because it will leave holes in the wall.”
“But the nails will be in the holes. You won’t see them.”
“Well, duh! I mean when we take the trellis down.”
“Why would we (meaning me) take it down?”
“We’re not going to have it forever.”
“Well, I’ll patch the holes when it comes down.”
“But you’ll never get the color of the patching stuff to match the mortar.”
“I’ll paint ‘em to match.”
“That’ll never work. You’re color blind, remember?”
“Jeesh! Okay, then how would you attach the trellis to the wall?”
“How about if you get a big sheet of plywood—not that thin stuff that warps easily, but a good thick one—and nail that to the wall. Then you can paint it, and attach the trellis to that.”
“But I’ll still be hammering nails into the cement.”
“Yeah, but they’ll be way up by the soffit and way down by the ground where no one will notice them.”
“Okay, but these nails I bought cost only 29 cents. With your way I’ve got to spend probably $100 on plywood and paint too, not to mention all the extra hours it will take priming and painting and measuring and cutting. And then I'll have to buy a ladder to get up there to nail on the plywood.”
“We’ll probably need a good ladder anyway for some other projects I’ve got in mind.”
“Oh, joy!”
After the plywood was painted and attached, and the trellis was put up and the vines planted, a few months later she decided the color I’d painted the plywood (that she picked out) wasn’t quite right and didn’t quite go with the color of the vine.
“So, you were wrong about the color, huh?” I challenged her.
“I wasn’t wrong. The color of the vine doesn’t exactly match the color in the catalog I picked it from. The catalog was wrong.”
So, down came the vine and the trellis so that I could repaint the plywood in order to have a more “piquant” contrast with the vine.
“You see the nice thing about the plywood background?” she asked me. “Now we can change the color whenever we want to for different vines.”
I learned my lesson that time, and now I’m much happier that I no longer have to think. I can just go around in my own mindless, happy-go-lucky way, trusting that I’ll always be doing things perfectly when I do it her way. Why? Because she is always right.
What do like best about a Woman? Contest Winner |
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