One Sunny Night
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "One Sunny Night-Chapter 3"Romance of visitor to Alaska
8 total reviews
Comment from Eternal Muse
A very well written story. It had great descriptive imagery and visuals; I liked the narrative and the characters. Excellent use of a dialogue which livens any story.
I also enjoyed your artistic presentation and artwork. Thank you for sharing it with us.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2020
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A very well written story. It had great descriptive imagery and visuals; I liked the narrative and the characters. Excellent use of a dialogue which livens any story.
I also enjoyed your artistic presentation and artwork. Thank you for sharing it with us.
Comment Written 15-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2020
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I very much appreciate your comments. Thanks for reading this.
Comment from Mastery
Hi Marie. It seems strange to be reviewing something of yours on here as I have not seen much of it for one reason or the other.
You have lots of opportunities for imagery in Alaska, eh? Like: "" A deep voice came in from behind them. Sunlight from an oversized window reflected on a western-style shirt that pressed on an overly warm, muscular chest. Life seemed to come into the room. Stewart Bryant held out a hand.
I am behind in the story, but it looks like you have a good romantic plot started, Marie.
Suggestions: Stay in one "tense" or the other. For instance, here you start out writing in the past tense, then in the last sentence switch to present tense. " Being alone with him may be a mistake."
Further, anytime you write thoughts, either use italics or add on "she thought or he thought.)
Keep at it, Marie. The "tense" thing is an area you need to concentrate on.
Blessings. Bob
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2020
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Hi Marie. It seems strange to be reviewing something of yours on here as I have not seen much of it for one reason or the other.
You have lots of opportunities for imagery in Alaska, eh? Like: "" A deep voice came in from behind them. Sunlight from an oversized window reflected on a western-style shirt that pressed on an overly warm, muscular chest. Life seemed to come into the room. Stewart Bryant held out a hand.
I am behind in the story, but it looks like you have a good romantic plot started, Marie.
Suggestions: Stay in one "tense" or the other. For instance, here you start out writing in the past tense, then in the last sentence switch to present tense. " Being alone with him may be a mistake."
Further, anytime you write thoughts, either use italics or add on "she thought or he thought.)
Keep at it, Marie. The "tense" thing is an area you need to concentrate on.
Blessings. Bob
Comment Written 12-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2020
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I very much appreciate your review, Bob. With tense, I'm sure I goofed in that on the first two chapters too. It is definitely rewrite time. Thanks so much!
Comment from Shirley McLain
Well written chapter and I enjoyed reading it. You did a great job. I didn't find any errors. I'm ready to read the next one. Have a great afternoon/ evening. Shirley
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2020
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Well written chapter and I enjoyed reading it. You did a great job. I didn't find any errors. I'm ready to read the next one. Have a great afternoon/ evening. Shirley
Comment Written 12-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2020
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So glad you found some enjoyment in this chapter. Thanks so much for reading it, Shirley.
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
This is a great story so far with good twists and turns. It is open to so many possibilities in the plot. I really enjoy the way the characters interact. Well written!
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2020
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This is a great story so far with good twists and turns. It is open to so many possibilities in the plot. I really enjoy the way the characters interact. Well written!
Comment Written 11-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2020
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Thanks so much for reading this chapter. I so glad you enjoy it!
Comment from Suzanna Ray
Dear Alaska, you certainly have a complicated love affair going on here, From the major part of your story, it sounded as if Danielle was doing everything to avoid any real conversation with Curtiss, and then at the very end, she acknowledges that he is a " good, kind and truly fine person."
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2020
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Dear Alaska, you certainly have a complicated love affair going on here, From the major part of your story, it sounded as if Danielle was doing everything to avoid any real conversation with Curtiss, and then at the very end, she acknowledges that he is a " good, kind and truly fine person."
Comment Written 11-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2020
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Your comment is much appreciated, Suzanna. Thanks for reading through this chapter.
Comment from lyenochka
Enjoyed your nature descriptions covering the trees and irises. I feel for poor Danielle. It's a burden to be attractive to men!
I really liked how you showed us what Curtiss was looking at through what Danielle saw: "Her glance showed his sunglasses were reflecting only her image." I'm curious how Danielle ended that picnic early. Good for her!
One grammar point:
passed weeks have meant a great (past)
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2020
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Enjoyed your nature descriptions covering the trees and irises. I feel for poor Danielle. It's a burden to be attractive to men!
I really liked how you showed us what Curtiss was looking at through what Danielle saw: "Her glance showed his sunglasses were reflecting only her image." I'm curious how Danielle ended that picnic early. Good for her!
One grammar point:
passed weeks have meant a great (past)
Comment Written 11-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2020
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Thanks for catching my (past) error. That happens for me soooo often.
Really nice you enjoyed this chapter. With a little travel for me, it'll be a while before I tackle next chapter. Thanks so much, Helen.
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Have a wonderful time of travel. Be safe and enjoy! 💖
Comment from forestport12
I like the realistic tension and mannerism in dialogue and interactions between the two. According to the premise of an unexpected romance, I think you did an excellent job of showing how awkward the moment can be when alone and how you show them fishing around for the right words.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2020
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I like the realistic tension and mannerism in dialogue and interactions between the two. According to the premise of an unexpected romance, I think you did an excellent job of showing how awkward the moment can be when alone and how you show them fishing around for the right words.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2020
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I very much appreciate your mention of detail. Thanks so much for reading through this one.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
(typos: these passed weeks s/b past; run rampant [omit: on him])
Exciting! Suspense builds--which will she choose. My guess is the Kansas boyfriend is out. I'm partial to Curtiss--he's quite a kisser! Likeable characters, credible dialog, details add color to the scene. Fine work! Cheers. LIZ
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2020
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(typos: these passed weeks s/b past; run rampant [omit: on him])
Exciting! Suspense builds--which will she choose. My guess is the Kansas boyfriend is out. I'm partial to Curtiss--he's quite a kisser! Likeable characters, credible dialog, details add color to the scene. Fine work! Cheers. LIZ
Comment Written 11-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2020
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I very much appreciate your comments. Thanks so much for reading and letting me know, Liz.
