Another Life
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "After the Beatdown "American Isekai
7 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
I'm sure the reader was as surprised at the introduction of this thought: "Do you think I would not have trained my wife in self-defense?" The way you have slowly revealed the rules and customs is as shocking for the reader as Paul. I like that we didn't know all of this ahead of time. It makes it much more effective.
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2021
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I'm sure the reader was as surprised at the introduction of this thought: "Do you think I would not have trained my wife in self-defense?" The way you have slowly revealed the rules and customs is as shocking for the reader as Paul. I like that we didn't know all of this ahead of time. It makes it much more effective.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2021
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Thank you very much. You sure did a lot of reading.
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I'm reading it like one of my regular books
Comment from judiverse
Paul certainly didn't realize what he was getting into. He didn't know that by carrying Crista that made her his wife and slave. They're both too young, but such is life on this planet. It looks like Paul will avoid a murder charge as he's a minor and his father is Captain in the City Watch, so he has some influence. News about Rosetta's fighting power. She certainly didn't seem like that at the beginning. Paul might as well give up the thought of going back to his past life. It's partly his father's fault, as he didn't tell some important things about their society. Interesting description of some of the customs of this strange place. judi
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2020
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Paul certainly didn't realize what he was getting into. He didn't know that by carrying Crista that made her his wife and slave. They're both too young, but such is life on this planet. It looks like Paul will avoid a murder charge as he's a minor and his father is Captain in the City Watch, so he has some influence. News about Rosetta's fighting power. She certainly didn't seem like that at the beginning. Paul might as well give up the thought of going back to his past life. It's partly his father's fault, as he didn't tell some important things about their society. Interesting description of some of the customs of this strange place. judi
Comment Written 07-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2020
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Yes, the ages of Paul and Crista worries me a bit. I'm considering changing them, for the FanStory version of this book, but then I'll have to adjust so many other things. Soon, the things these two do will make some readers uncomfortable. I know some people will not understand that once we considered marriage at 15 & 16 normal.
Thank you.
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You're welcome. This seems to be a backwards society, so teenage marriages are surely commonplace. With that understood, you might as well go with their ages. judi
Comment from lyenochka
This is a very interesting premise. Jumping right in at this chapter, I get a feeling that Paul/Derrick was reincarnated from an American soldier to a young man in what seems like Ancient Roman times and culture.
Before he could protest, (you might want to clarify it's Paul as there are two guys which the "he" could refer to. Just a suggestion.)
Question about your notes:
"Derrick Williams, former soldier. reborn as: Paul Escamilla , baby" So is Paul now a teen? Not a baby, right?
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2020
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This is a very interesting premise. Jumping right in at this chapter, I get a feeling that Paul/Derrick was reincarnated from an American soldier to a young man in what seems like Ancient Roman times and culture.
Before he could protest, (you might want to clarify it's Paul as there are two guys which the "he" could refer to. Just a suggestion.)
Question about your notes:
"Derrick Williams, former soldier. reborn as: Paul Escamilla , baby" So is Paul now a teen? Not a baby, right?
Comment Written 07-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2020
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Good suggestion and I will update the notes. Thank you.
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
The writing is solid. You do an amazing job in sharing this through Paul's eyes. I'm almost uncomfortable with the lecture from his father. The viewpoint is strong. The story is interesting. And you are painting a picture of a unique world. Great job!
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2020
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The writing is solid. You do an amazing job in sharing this through Paul's eyes. I'm almost uncomfortable with the lecture from his father. The viewpoint is strong. The story is interesting. And you are painting a picture of a unique world. Great job!
Comment Written 07-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2020
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Thank you.
Comment from Ben B.
Wife and slave?! That is a pretty messed up custom although I can't say it's unheard of. At least Paul is better than that, he needs to find a way around it.
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Wife and slave?! That is a pretty messed up custom although I can't say it's unheard of. At least Paul is better than that, he needs to find a way around it.
Comment Written 06-Oct-2020
Comment from CrystieCookie999
I think you did a good job on dialogue here. I get the sense of a definite other world and society here with Paul's father lecturing him big-time. I would suggest a few little fixes:
"Goodnight, Paul," they said
I would put a space between Good and night, just because I have seen it separated more often.
Capitalize mother to Mother in the line before that, when Paul says, "No, Mother," Paul answered
Rhetorical question here:
I don't think I need to tell you what that is; do I?"
I think I would change the semi-colon to a comma
"And, as this is your home,
Don't need a comma after And
Also should 'murica' be capitalized?
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2020
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I think you did a good job on dialogue here. I get the sense of a definite other world and society here with Paul's father lecturing him big-time. I would suggest a few little fixes:
"Goodnight, Paul," they said
I would put a space between Good and night, just because I have seen it separated more often.
Capitalize mother to Mother in the line before that, when Paul says, "No, Mother," Paul answered
Rhetorical question here:
I don't think I need to tell you what that is; do I?"
I think I would change the semi-colon to a comma
"And, as this is your home,
Don't need a comma after And
Also should 'murica' be capitalized?
Comment Written 06-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2020
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Thank you. I think you are correct. I appreciate it.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
(bare her weight s/b bear; did he every ask s/b ever)
What a twist--slave and wife in one. Dialog and characters are credible; nice work. Cheers. LIZ
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(bare her weight s/b bear; did he every ask s/b ever)
What a twist--slave and wife in one. Dialog and characters are credible; nice work. Cheers. LIZ
Comment Written 06-Oct-2020
