THE CURSE
Viewing comments for Chapter 32 "The Mysterious Visitor"The six book of the Novels of the Breedline
7 total reviews
Comment from cdefan
This is a well written chapter full of excitement and fantasy. I was captivated from the very first sentence. As always i look forward to every chapter and have never been disappointed.
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2020
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This is a well written chapter full of excitement and fantasy. I was captivated from the very first sentence. As always i look forward to every chapter and have never been disappointed.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2020
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Thank you, cdefan :)
Your opinion really makes a difference! I appreciate your awesome review and encouraging words.
Hugs,
Shana :)
Comment from AJ McCall
Goodness! A gift of speaking to the dead? That's creepy. I liked the way you described the story Jena was reading. And working on a sixth series? Ooh, that sounds exciting! I read the author notes.. Jena has to eat a human or she'll become that monster! (Although that's so unhuman.lol) More Breedline stories to come, I'm all for it! Enjoyed this very much!
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2020
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Goodness! A gift of speaking to the dead? That's creepy. I liked the way you described the story Jena was reading. And working on a sixth series? Ooh, that sounds exciting! I read the author notes.. Jena has to eat a human or she'll become that monster! (Although that's so unhuman.lol) More Breedline stories to come, I'm all for it! Enjoyed this very much!
Comment Written 03-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2020
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Thanks so much, AJ :)
I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter. Yes, Jena has been bitten by an age old creature and now she has to resist the urge for human flesh and blood. She has one hundred and one days or ... she will be cursed to become the creature who has cursed her. This is from the fifth book (The Immortal).
I am working on the sixth book (The Curse). Meanwhile, I post chapters from the previous series until I finish a new chapter. It's hard to fit in writing time with a full-time job. Ug! Maybe some day I can write full-time.
Thanks again for the inspiring feedback and the awesome review.
Sincerely,
Shana :)
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You're welcome! :) Hope you finish soon!
Comment from Mistydawn
Your story is well-written very interesting start to finish. I could feel Nicolas' fear no knowing who his creature is or what'll happen next. Your description is perfect, I could easily picture it in my mind. Like always, I look forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2020
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Your story is well-written very interesting start to finish. I could feel Nicolas' fear no knowing who his creature is or what'll happen next. Your description is perfect, I could easily picture it in my mind. Like always, I look forward to reading more.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2020
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Thanks so much, Mistydawn :)
So glad you liked it. I was worried it would be hard to understand since it's a random chapter. I do love Nicolas's character. He is a romantic at heart and lives to save his brother Ashton.
Always appreciate your support!
Hugs,
Shana :)
Comment from royowen
I can't remember anything referring to the immortalising of Nicholas, and how Ashton was raised from the dead and became immortal, as his brother, but also became the monster that he did. So it was the Master, AKA Satan, I guess. I love the way you create your characters, and that dimension of the "knowing" that is ethereal, heavenly, or even hellish. What a marvellous imagination you have Shana, well done my friend,
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2020
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I can't remember anything referring to the immortalising of Nicholas, and how Ashton was raised from the dead and became immortal, as his brother, but also became the monster that he did. So it was the Master, AKA Satan, I guess. I love the way you create your characters, and that dimension of the "knowing" that is ethereal, heavenly, or even hellish. What a marvellous imagination you have Shana, well done my friend,
Comment Written 29-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2020
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Thank you, dear friend :)
There has been so much in my stories, I can barely keep up with them. LOL! I am glad you liked the chapter. I was worried it would be hard to follow since it's a random chapter in the book.
Thanks for all your kind words and praise. I appreciate it!
Always your fan,
Shana :)
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I?m well acquainted with you fine writing dear girl,
Comment from ngage
Although I'm looking forward to reading your new series, sneak peek chapters of your Breedline are great.
I enjoyed this one in particular. The description of the Master is both creepy and mysterious. You had me drawn into the journal, leaving me wanting more.
Good stuff!
Nage
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2020
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Although I'm looking forward to reading your new series, sneak peek chapters of your Breedline are great.
I enjoyed this one in particular. The description of the Master is both creepy and mysterious. You had me drawn into the journal, leaving me wanting more.
Good stuff!
Nage
Comment Written 29-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2020
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Thanks Nate :)
Glad you liked the creepy part in this. I always like writing characters like the Master. The Breedline have their work cut out later on. Stay tuned my friend.
Hugs,
Shana :)
Comment from robyn corum
Shana,
Wow. A relatively small chapter but one that I imagine will change a lot of things going forward. *smile* A LOT!
This was well written, but there were a few spots I thought might be improved on for better understanding and/or flow.
Some notes:
1.) "Why are you here?" I hesitated to ask, but my emotions were on edge, and I refused to continue to cower at the face that would frighten most men.
--> I hesitated to ask, but my emotions were on edge, and I refused to continue to cower at the face that would frighten most men: "Why are you here?"
--> My emotions were on edge, but I refused to continue to cower at a face that would frighten most men. I hesitated to ask, but said, "Why are you here?"
--> that way the hesitation comes first
2.) He stepped closer, narrowing his haunting eyes on me that seemed to be almost red when they contrasted with the pale, yellow moon.
--> He stepped closer, narrowing his haunting eyes on me. Eyes that seemed to be almost red when contrasted with the pale, yellow moon.
3.) The Master smiled, and his long, sharp teeth peeked out from beneath his lips.
--> a couple of paragraphs earlier you said they 'protruded' now they just 'peek'
--> also, they couldn't really peek or protrude beneath both lips- plural, right?
--> The Master smiled, and his long, sharp teeth flashed again.
4.) "The answers you seek are just within my grasp."
--> "The answers you seek are just within (your) grasp."
--> which makes it sound like if Nick only took his hand Nick might make those discoveries
5.) Then the Master went on to explain in detail of how I was to resurrect Ashton.
--> Then the Master went on to explain, in detail, how I was to resurrect Ashton.
--> added commas and deleted 'of'
6.) His instructions were chilling and seemingly unforbidden,
--> NOT forbidden?
Still worth a five, since most of these things are entirely subjective. *smile* Thanks a bunch - hope this may help!
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2020
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Shana,
Wow. A relatively small chapter but one that I imagine will change a lot of things going forward. *smile* A LOT!
This was well written, but there were a few spots I thought might be improved on for better understanding and/or flow.
Some notes:
1.) "Why are you here?" I hesitated to ask, but my emotions were on edge, and I refused to continue to cower at the face that would frighten most men.
--> I hesitated to ask, but my emotions were on edge, and I refused to continue to cower at the face that would frighten most men: "Why are you here?"
--> My emotions were on edge, but I refused to continue to cower at a face that would frighten most men. I hesitated to ask, but said, "Why are you here?"
--> that way the hesitation comes first
2.) He stepped closer, narrowing his haunting eyes on me that seemed to be almost red when they contrasted with the pale, yellow moon.
--> He stepped closer, narrowing his haunting eyes on me. Eyes that seemed to be almost red when contrasted with the pale, yellow moon.
3.) The Master smiled, and his long, sharp teeth peeked out from beneath his lips.
--> a couple of paragraphs earlier you said they 'protruded' now they just 'peek'
--> also, they couldn't really peek or protrude beneath both lips- plural, right?
--> The Master smiled, and his long, sharp teeth flashed again.
4.) "The answers you seek are just within my grasp."
--> "The answers you seek are just within (your) grasp."
--> which makes it sound like if Nick only took his hand Nick might make those discoveries
5.) Then the Master went on to explain in detail of how I was to resurrect Ashton.
--> Then the Master went on to explain, in detail, how I was to resurrect Ashton.
--> added commas and deleted 'of'
6.) His instructions were chilling and seemingly unforbidden,
--> NOT forbidden?
Still worth a five, since most of these things are entirely subjective. *smile* Thanks a bunch - hope this may help!
Comment Written 29-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2020
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Thank you, Robyn :)
Your helpful advice is always appreciated. That's the reason why I share my stories here. It makes a differnce.
Thanks again,
Shana :)
Comment from fm wright
This writing had me on the edge of suspense from the start. The detailed descriptions left me breathless. The master's words had me spellbound. The artwork details your characters perfectly. A truly enjoyable read.
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2020
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This writing had me on the edge of suspense from the start. The detailed descriptions left me breathless. The master's words had me spellbound. The artwork details your characters perfectly. A truly enjoyable read.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2020
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Thanks so much, Faye :)
I always enjoy your feedback. Your take on the chapter is uplifting and encouraging. I did enjoy writing Nicolas's experience with the mysterious Master.
Thanks again for your support my friend! Always appreciated.
Hugs,
Shana :)
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I found the characters and descriptions most fascinating.
Hugs,
Faye
