Comment from Y. M. Roger

Good

Such a cool addition to the book here, Lisa - love the metaphor! :) You need to check that second line, though, as it has 8 syllables instead of 7... Also, the Renga 'shies' away from punctuation, capitalization - your line return acts as your pause for you... Perhaps try something like:

bright lightning strikes mind
imagination bursts forth
reverie jumps out

Love the overall vision here!! ;) Thanx for sharing, my lady!! ;) Yvette

 Comment Written 28-Sep-2020

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reply by the author on 28-Sep-2020

I have changed this poem to the following before:
bright lightning strikes mind
imagination bursts free
reverie jumps out

Then all my six contributions to the Renga book were deleted. I told Gypsy and she sent me all my poem and told me to post them again. So I did. Apparently Gypsy had an older version.

It was such a pain to post these poems again to the correct chapters. It worked so the book is back in shape.

So this is an innocent mistake. I might deserve a better rating. You don't have to change it.

Thank you very much for catching it. I will update to "burst free".

Comment from Ben B.

Excellent

This is a nice addition to you poems but something feels familiar with one. Haven't I read this one before? Are you just recycling it for your mulit-author series?

 Comment Written 25-Sep-2020

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reply by the author on 25-Sep-2020

Thank you for reviewing. Yes. I have posted this before for the Renga book but recently I found that all my six poems for this book have been deleted. So I have to post them again :(. Fortunately Gypsy Blue Rose has the poems and the chapter numbers so I can just insert them. The site manager blamed me for deleting them myself. Why would I do it? I'm a little angry about this.
Thanks for the nice review.

Comment from Elizabeth Emerald

Excellent

Startling imagery--lightning striking mind--imagination bursting--reverie jumping--great use of reverie--not the usual word choice. A fine entry for the book! Cheers. LIZ

 Comment Written 25-Sep-2020

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reply by the author on 25-Sep-2020

I used the word ?Fantasy? originally but was told that I cannot use it because it was used in the previous chapter. That?s why. I had to change to Reverie. I learnt a new world.

Thank you very much for the nice review.