Don't wake the night...
A villanelle63 total reviews
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Your villanelle is in good form, Roy. The presentation is super. I like the image and the color scheme--reminds me of a thief in the night. You are right about crime. Nothing is hidden--it will all see the light sooner or later--if not in our time on Earth, then before God.
last verse---crim (crime) will stray.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2020
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Your villanelle is in good form, Roy. The presentation is super. I like the image and the color scheme--reminds me of a thief in the night. You are right about crime. Nothing is hidden--it will all see the light sooner or later--if not in our time on Earth, then before God.
last verse---crim (crime) will stray.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 20-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2020
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Thanks so much Jan, for these thoughtful comments and lovely review, Crim is a popular saying and an old English word, in Aussie/English cultures. blessings Roy
Comment from Wabigoon
Hi Roy--
Good, dark poem. "What's sown in dark is reaped by day," can be read, at least, two ways. I think you mean that if you "do something criminal" at night, in the dark, you reap the negative consequences by day. A second reading is if you sow in the night you reap the "positive" consequences by day. Because the dark and the light are not connected. If you "sow" Hitler in the dark you reap the Reverend Hagee's "it's all part of God's plan to drive the Jews back to the Holy Land" by day. I doubt that's what you mean in the poem, but the dual reading's there.
There's one "nit" here:
"When darkness shines the crim() will stray," Do you mean "crime," maybe "criminal?"
Best
Wabigoon/Jeff
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2020
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Hi Roy--
Good, dark poem. "What's sown in dark is reaped by day," can be read, at least, two ways. I think you mean that if you "do something criminal" at night, in the dark, you reap the negative consequences by day. A second reading is if you sow in the night you reap the "positive" consequences by day. Because the dark and the light are not connected. If you "sow" Hitler in the dark you reap the Reverend Hagee's "it's all part of God's plan to drive the Jews back to the Holy Land" by day. I doubt that's what you mean in the poem, but the dual reading's there.
There's one "nit" here:
"When darkness shines the crim() will stray," Do you mean "crime," maybe "criminal?"
Best
Wabigoon/Jeff
Comment Written 20-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2020
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Crim is an old English word, and a common Aussie abbreviation.
of criminal, (should put it in the notes) the dark to light is a reference to scripture. ?what?s hidden in darkness will be brought into the light.? thanks Jeff for these excellent comments and thorough review. Blessings Roy
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Roy--
Thanks for getting back to me. Yes, I think "crim" should be explained somehow. It's clear what you mean, but to these "American" eyes it looks like a nit.
Thanks
Jeff
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My pleasure
Comment from ameen786
If poetry is about sending a message to the readers, you never fail my friend; you are a master to compose in any form/genre; enjoyed the beautiful poem with meaningful verses and superb rhymes and excellent title and picture.
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2020
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If poetry is about sending a message to the readers, you never fail my friend; you are a master to compose in any form/genre; enjoyed the beautiful poem with meaningful verses and superb rhymes and excellent title and picture.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2020
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Thanks so much Ameen, for these terrific comments and a super review, blessings Roy
Comment from Gloria ....
Excellent title, Roy! That's always the first point of entry into any piece of writing and you have chosen well with this one setting the tone.
This is a fine villanelle that you 've written in superb metre and rhyme. The repeating lines have worked in beautifully and you have imparted an important message.
Always a pleasure to read and review your work. :)
Gloria
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2020
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Excellent title, Roy! That's always the first point of entry into any piece of writing and you have chosen well with this one setting the tone.
This is a fine villanelle that you 've written in superb metre and rhyme. The repeating lines have worked in beautifully and you have imparted an important message.
Always a pleasure to read and review your work. :)
Gloria
Comment Written 20-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2020
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Thanks so much Gloria, for these terrific comments and a super review, blessings Roy
Comment from mrsmajor
A very thoughtful message in this poem, using the Villanelle form, one that I happen to like..It was well written, Roy, sometimes it's a bit much to make the repeated lines make sense...but you're are well suited.
Indeed, crime doesn't pay, and can't be hidden..no matter the crime...however small we believe it to be...it will be
considered living in the darkness of life.
Thanks for sharing this with us, the picture was also a good choice for this poem...Blessings
Warmly,
Victoria
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2020
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A very thoughtful message in this poem, using the Villanelle form, one that I happen to like..It was well written, Roy, sometimes it's a bit much to make the repeated lines make sense...but you're are well suited.
Indeed, crime doesn't pay, and can't be hidden..no matter the crime...however small we believe it to be...it will be
considered living in the darkness of life.
Thanks for sharing this with us, the picture was also a good choice for this poem...Blessings
Warmly,
Victoria
Comment Written 20-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2020
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Thanks so much Victoria, for these terrific comments and a super review, blessings Roy
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Always a pleasure, Rod, I do so enjoy your work..
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Bless pho
Comment from Gert sherwood
Roy what a amazing written poem in a diffuclt format (villanelle)
reminds me of a quote I read---about the darkness of night
Since that is the only Voice Jesus listened to, He was a light into a world where darkness seems to exist.
Gert
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2020
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Roy what a amazing written poem in a diffuclt format (villanelle)
reminds me of a quote I read---about the darkness of night
Since that is the only Voice Jesus listened to, He was a light into a world where darkness seems to exist.
Gert
Comment Written 20-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2020
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Thanks so much Gert, for these terrific comments and a super review, blessings Roy
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You are welcome Roy
Gert
Comment from evesayshi
In my opinion, though a striking write, I did not consider the form in my rating. As always, this writer paints scenes with his writing and provides the inspiring colors to enhance the pictures. His works are masterpieces of glowing rhyme...
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2020
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In my opinion, though a striking write, I did not consider the form in my rating. As always, this writer paints scenes with his writing and provides the inspiring colors to enhance the pictures. His works are masterpieces of glowing rhyme...
Comment Written 20-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2020
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Thanks so much Eve, for these terrific comments and a super review, blessings Roy
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You are very welcome, Roy, my pleasure...Eve
Comment from Ulla
Roy, what can I say? As always you've written a beautiful poem that caught my attention because of the theme and the message it conveys. No, crime never pays, that is for certain. What a wonderful poem and with such an important message. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2020
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Roy, what can I say? As always you've written a beautiful poem that caught my attention because of the theme and the message it conveys. No, crime never pays, that is for certain. What a wonderful poem and with such an important message. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 20-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2020
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Thanks so much Ulla, for these terrific comments and a super review, blessings Roy
Comment from Tina Crute
You make me want to try one of these:)
This is such a great ensemble with good use of picture, font color and background. At first glance, it looks to be a mystery poem. When you think about it, there is no mystery, no gray area with God. (can't hide those shadows grey)He sees all. Your couplet has very strong meaning and I will remember it:)
Tina
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2020
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You make me want to try one of these:)
This is such a great ensemble with good use of picture, font color and background. At first glance, it looks to be a mystery poem. When you think about it, there is no mystery, no gray area with God. (can't hide those shadows grey)He sees all. Your couplet has very strong meaning and I will remember it:)
Tina
Comment Written 20-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2020
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Thanks so much Tina, for these terrific comments and a super review, blessings Roy
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You're welcome! You are an inspiration;)
Tina
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Thank you
Comment from Miss Cookie Atkinson
I love the words and your artwork to your poem
they are a perfect match. they capture my attention from the first line to the last.
Thank you for sharing
Cookie
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2020
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I love the words and your artwork to your poem
they are a perfect match. they capture my attention from the first line to the last.
Thank you for sharing
Cookie
Comment Written 20-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2020
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Thanks so much Cookie, for these terrific comments and a super review, blessings Roy
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Cookie 21-Sep-2020
Your very welcome, stay safe and blessed
Cookie
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You too
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Until next time
Cookie
