Looking for Orion - 2
Viewing comments for Chapter 35 "Home - part 2"Brothers fight for faith ... and for their lives.
6 total reviews
Comment from Margaret Bednar
What a heart rendering chapter - you insert such small nuances that add so much depth to the moment ""Don't tell Aunt Laine I brought food in here, okay?" "Talk about criminal." And the back and forth about God is wonderfully woven and explained. Just SO enjoyed this.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2020
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What a heart rendering chapter - you insert such small nuances that add so much depth to the moment ""Don't tell Aunt Laine I brought food in here, okay?" "Talk about criminal." And the back and forth about God is wonderfully woven and explained. Just SO enjoyed this.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2020
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Thank you, Margaret! I'm SO far behind my schedule for this book...But I'll get it finished by mid-October, I hope. I'd love to have it to the editor and finished already, but life just won't cooperate! lol.
Thank you for the encouraging words. I wasn't sure about the God-conversation between MIchael and Jack, so I appreciate the thumbs up! :)
Blessings,
Deb
Comment from robyn corum
Deb,
I am so glad you are continuing this story. I had begun to wonder.
This chapter was really good - as usual, the characters' dialogue and actions seem realistic and true to who you've created. My only thing is concern that Jack has already turned to God again -- I thought that was a main plot point. I'll be watching to see what happens.
Notes:
1.) "It's way past a little old,(")
2.) "He pulled it out of the fire, though(,) the quarterback, not your dad. And what happened?"
3.) showing surprise at some of the revelations, pride at others..
--> one extra period
I enjoyed! Thanks for the trip!
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2020
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Deb,
I am so glad you are continuing this story. I had begun to wonder.
This chapter was really good - as usual, the characters' dialogue and actions seem realistic and true to who you've created. My only thing is concern that Jack has already turned to God again -- I thought that was a main plot point. I'll be watching to see what happens.
Notes:
1.) "It's way past a little old,(")
2.) "He pulled it out of the fire, though(,) the quarterback, not your dad. And what happened?"
3.) showing surprise at some of the revelations, pride at others..
--> one extra period
I enjoyed! Thanks for the trip!
Comment Written 19-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2020
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Hmm ... I guess that even though a month has past, it might be a bit soon. I know when I was wounded and came back, it was like me running to get there, but if this seems a bit much, I'll reconsider the time line. :) Thank you for that observatoin. I appreciate it and the nit-picking. :)
Blessings!
Deb
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I've missed this, Debs. I've always enjoyed this story, and reading this part has told me why. It's really good, my friend. I loved the explanation Jack gave to Michael, it really was right. We can't have everything our way, things happen that we don't know the reason why. Sometimes we have to step back and see the whole of it, to make some semblance of sense. Michael saw that in the end, and, bless his heart, he still wished God could have zapped him. LOL, So would I have done! Well done, my friend, it was great to have it back again. :)) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2020
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I've missed this, Debs. I've always enjoyed this story, and reading this part has told me why. It's really good, my friend. I loved the explanation Jack gave to Michael, it really was right. We can't have everything our way, things happen that we don't know the reason why. Sometimes we have to step back and see the whole of it, to make some semblance of sense. Michael saw that in the end, and, bless his heart, he still wished God could have zapped him. LOL, So would I have done! Well done, my friend, it was great to have it back again. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 18-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2020
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I'm so glad! I got the American football analogy written and then hesitated ... worried it was a little too 'Jack-brained' to make sense. lol And it's a lot to take in -- took me years to understand that about our family's 'Lehman'. (Or did it take me years to understand that about God? I guess that's right.)
I'm headed over to your page today to get caught up. I decided trying to wade through the message inbox is frustrating and irritating. lol. So I'm taking it an author at a time. I'm so looking forward to you! :) I may get cut off soon, however; my sis and bro-in-law are headed to Austin (where I'm doggie-sitting) to take me home today. Not sure how close they are, but I can read 'til then!
Blessings and thank you,
Deb
Comment from lyenochka
Yay, your book is back but WHOA! You put four postings' worth right in this one post. I liked the close bonding between uncle and nephew and then the brother to brother. And I liked that it was Jack who had all those misgivings and doubts in his faith, who assures Cody about the fact that they have God.
I was really confused here:
"He would've juth' zapped them, though."
"That's my boy," Cody smiled as Jack relayed Michael's final comment." because there was this sweet spiritual heart to heart between Jack and Michael and suddenly, Jack is talking to Cody after Michael takes a mouthful of nachos. What happened?
He put a third jalape�±o (looks like FS chewed up and spat out that accented n)
The paragraph that starts with the sentence below is in here twice:
""Sometimes I can't really remember her," Michael continued
"Uglier than you are first thing of a morning." (in a morning) unless it's Texan English.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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Yay, your book is back but WHOA! You put four postings' worth right in this one post. I liked the close bonding between uncle and nephew and then the brother to brother. And I liked that it was Jack who had all those misgivings and doubts in his faith, who assures Cody about the fact that they have God.
I was really confused here:
"He would've juth' zapped them, though."
"That's my boy," Cody smiled as Jack relayed Michael's final comment." because there was this sweet spiritual heart to heart between Jack and Michael and suddenly, Jack is talking to Cody after Michael takes a mouthful of nachos. What happened?
He put a third jalape�±o (looks like FS chewed up and spat out that accented n)
The paragraph that starts with the sentence below is in here twice:
""Sometimes I can't really remember her," Michael continued
"Uglier than you are first thing of a morning." (in a morning) unless it's Texan English.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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Ya' know, Helen, I did this so late last night that I'm not sure why it's so long. I'm generally better about making it more bite-sized. I may go in and, as I fix the boo-boos you mentioned (thanks!), turn this into two chapters ...
Thank you so much for youyr candid and helpful review! I love hearing from you for just that reason! :)
Blessings, my friend!
Deb
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Hey, I did cut that chapter in half. Please just leave a nah-nah-nayh review for the next half. You've already read it and when I post, I want you to get credit for reading. :) Just wanted to give you a heads up. Deb
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Aww. Thanks for letting me know! 💖
Comment from AJ McCall
It's been a while since you worte a chapter for this but I'm still happy!!
I liked the way it started off with Jack re-telliing his conversation with Michael. You did mention 'Travis' at one point when they were talking. I also noticed a couple of typos...
jalape�±o - jalapeno.
'"Sometimes I can't really remember her," Michael continued in a whisper. "I try real hard to hang on to her, but ... it's like she's fading, you know?" He glanced up at his uncle. "Like an old paper from school, or an old photo. Like a ghost. I can kind of remember some of her, but some of her is gone, and I'm scared that I'll never get that part back. I'm scared that soon all I'll have left will be all faded and dim."
(You had this same paragraph in here twice.)
The McClellan brother have to find these guys, before Cody loses it. I'll be looking for the next part or chapter. I wish I had a six for this.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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It's been a while since you worte a chapter for this but I'm still happy!!
I liked the way it started off with Jack re-telliing his conversation with Michael. You did mention 'Travis' at one point when they were talking. I also noticed a couple of typos...
jalape�±o - jalapeno.
'"Sometimes I can't really remember her," Michael continued in a whisper. "I try real hard to hang on to her, but ... it's like she's fading, you know?" He glanced up at his uncle. "Like an old paper from school, or an old photo. Like a ghost. I can kind of remember some of her, but some of her is gone, and I'm scared that I'll never get that part back. I'm scared that soon all I'll have left will be all faded and dim."
(You had this same paragraph in here twice.)
The McClellan brother have to find these guys, before Cody loses it. I'll be looking for the next part or chapter. I wish I had a six for this.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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AJ, thank you! I love your endcouragement, but so appreciate you finding those errors. It was a bit too late for me to be posting last night, but I did it anyway ... and I'm going to blame that for the errors. lol.
Is it too long? I think I also meant to cut it in half and post it as two segemnts. I'll alert you if I do that so you're not reading twoce...although you could get points for both since you already read the second half ... Yep, I'll do that in the morning!
Blessings, sweet friend,
Deb
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Hey, I did cut that chapter in half. Please just leave a nah-nah-nayh review for the next half. You've already read it and when I post, I want you to get credit for reading. :) Just wanted to give you a heads up. Deb
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Okay, cool! :)
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You're welcome Deb! Will look out for it!
Comment from roof35
Your story is moving along nicely. I enjoyed it as always. There are a couple of things I would mention: 1) I think it should be the quarterback threw rather than throw... 2) Ad roll eyes should be "and" ... 3) somewhere Michael is written MIchael. 4) An asterisk line when you change players or scenes would help. But the story is good. The writing is good.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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Your story is moving along nicely. I enjoyed it as always. There are a couple of things I would mention: 1) I think it should be the quarterback threw rather than throw... 2) Ad roll eyes should be "and" ... 3) somewhere Michael is written MIchael. 4) An asterisk line when you change players or scenes would help. But the story is good. The writing is good.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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Thank you SO much for catching errors! I love encouraging words (so thank you for those, too) but am so appreciative of catches in my goofy mistakes!
Blessings,
Deb
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Hey, I did cut that chapter in half. Please just leave a nah-nah-nayh review for the next half. You've already read it and when I post, I want you to get credit for reading. :) Just wanted to give you a heads up. Deb
