Passing Through
Birth, life, death48 total reviews
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Mystery Author,
Your contest entry is in good form. I enjoyed reading it. Good job on the minute style. I like the rhymes and the message.
Best wishes.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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Mystery Author,
Your contest entry is in good form. I enjoyed reading it. Good job on the minute style. I like the rhymes and the message.
Best wishes.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 16-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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Revised thank you!
Comment from Mary Vigasin
cleverly done as your poem moves through from birth to old age and even though now with the aches and pains of old age, your say no way would you start all over again.
I enjoyed the read and the way you present it in prose.
Well done
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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cleverly done as your poem moves through from birth to old age and even though now with the aches and pains of old age, your say no way would you start all over again.
I enjoyed the read and the way you present it in prose.
Well done
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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Thank you!
Comment from Ben Colder
The words of this poem I agree very much. No way, do I wish to do it again. Good contest piece and the photo is right on. I see nothing wrong with this write. Hope you win.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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The words of this poem I agree very much. No way, do I wish to do it again. Good contest piece and the photo is right on. I see nothing wrong with this write. Hope you win.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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Ben, yep, one is enough. LOL
Comment from IndefinitelySmallx
Great entry! Nice fit to the prompt. Wonderful subject matter; if poems are not tailored to talk about human nature/humanity's beginning and end, then what is it?! Well done and good luck in the contest. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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Great entry! Nice fit to the prompt. Wonderful subject matter; if poems are not tailored to talk about human nature/humanity's beginning and end, then what is it?! Well done and good luck in the contest. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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Yes that is the questiuon.
Comment from mermaids
I like the analogy of the moon, sun and stars. It shows a life's journey and most of us can relate to your words. There is the strong steady Minute poem beat that gives your words an almost musical feel and flow to it. I also like the last line "re-do's, no way, it is a fitting ending to your words.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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I like the analogy of the moon, sun and stars. It shows a life's journey and most of us can relate to your words. There is the strong steady Minute poem beat that gives your words an almost musical feel and flow to it. I also like the last line "re-do's, no way, it is a fitting ending to your words.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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Thank you!
Comment from Sally Law
I enjoyed your introspective minute poem, mystery writer. I think you are wise not to waste your sorrows, longing for a perfect life. It doesn't exist. Each day a gift, although cracked and chipped sometimes. Sending you my best today as always and best wishes for the contest,
Sal :)
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2020
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I enjoyed your introspective minute poem, mystery writer. I think you are wise not to waste your sorrows, longing for a perfect life. It doesn't exist. Each day a gift, although cracked and chipped sometimes. Sending you my best today as always and best wishes for the contest,
Sal :)
Comment Written 16-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2020
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Best back to you Sal!
Comment from Janet Foor
Great re-write. Well done.
I loved the message of your minute poem. I don't want any re-dos either.
The picture is perfect for the story.
However, in my opinion the syllable count is off in line 2 of the first stanza. Could easily be fixed by deleting the word "as".
Blessings.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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Great re-write. Well done.
I loved the message of your minute poem. I don't want any re-dos either.
The picture is perfect for the story.
However, in my opinion the syllable count is off in line 2 of the first stanza. Could easily be fixed by deleting the word "as".
Blessings.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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Fixed, but with a total rewrite
Comment from Mrs. KT
Hello Mystery Writer,
I understand the premise of your Minute poem, and the title and artwork correspond well. However, one of the most defining elements of a Minute Poem is that there is a definite rhyme scheme, and yours is without:
The rhyme scheme is as follows: aabb, ccdd, eeff. See an example and more details in the announcement.
Plenty of time to edit. Please let me know when you have!
Best wishes!
diane
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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Hello Mystery Writer,
I understand the premise of your Minute poem, and the title and artwork correspond well. However, one of the most defining elements of a Minute Poem is that there is a definite rhyme scheme, and yours is without:
The rhyme scheme is as follows: aabb, ccdd, eeff. See an example and more details in the announcement.
Plenty of time to edit. Please let me know when you have!
Best wishes!
diane
Comment Written 16-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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Thanks a total rewrite has been submitted. thank you.
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Hello!
Much improved!
Hoping I didn't offend!
Will adjust my rating!
diane
Comment from karenina
I think Minute Poetry is a tougher form than it looks! The brevity of the lines makes it essential to convey your theme as precisely as possible while still leaving the emotional impact. Congratulations on doing an excellent job with this one. I love the line: "My life came at the turn of stars..." One of those 'wish I'd thought of that!" lines! I enjoyed this.--Karenina
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2020
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I think Minute Poetry is a tougher form than it looks! The brevity of the lines makes it essential to convey your theme as precisely as possible while still leaving the emotional impact. Congratulations on doing an excellent job with this one. I love the line: "My life came at the turn of stars..." One of those 'wish I'd thought of that!" lines! I enjoyed this.--Karenina
Comment Written 16-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2020
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Smiling back!
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Smiles are good for the soul!--Karenina
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I feel that smile! Thanks!--Karenina
Comment from Boogienights
A very good poem, difficult to write if I'm not mistaken. Life's journey from birth to an impending end that us told in a matter of fact way. Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2020
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A very good poem, difficult to write if I'm not mistaken. Life's journey from birth to an impending end that us told in a matter of fact way. Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2020
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Yes, I found this so difficult. I am a natural free verse poet. I am taking a meter class to dip my toe in murky waters👍
