Passing Through
Birth, life, death48 total reviews
Comment from Alchera
A melancholy veil transpires in all its length through the three rooms described in rhymed verses. It almost seems like a shift in time changed in the second room with the moon revolving around Mars and the only two places to be borne by man's debts all dealt with without the pain of chains.
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2020
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A melancholy veil transpires in all its length through the three rooms described in rhymed verses. It almost seems like a shift in time changed in the second room with the moon revolving around Mars and the only two places to be borne by man's debts all dealt with without the pain of chains.
Comment Written 18-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2020
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Thank you so much, my friend...
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
From birth to death is a journey we are familiar with, although the death part is still the mystery while we await the dire day. The trip may have its ups and downs but usually its a cherished time.
Ralf
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2020
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From birth to death is a journey we are familiar with, although the death part is still the mystery while we await the dire day. The trip may have its ups and downs but usually its a cherished time.
Ralf
Comment Written 18-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2020
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Yes, so many options mans free will can be a nuisance p!
Comment from RPSaxena
Hello Friend,
Nice piece of poetry in the form of a Minute Poem meeting the desired norms, smooth flow throughout from the beginning to the end with lovely rhyming scheme, and transparently depicting its theme.
Picture enhances beauty of the poem.
GOOD LUCK in the contest.
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2020
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Hello Friend,
Nice piece of poetry in the form of a Minute Poem meeting the desired norms, smooth flow throughout from the beginning to the end with lovely rhyming scheme, and transparently depicting its theme.
Picture enhances beauty of the poem.
GOOD LUCK in the contest.
Comment Written 18-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2020
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Thank you very much!
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Friend, Most Welcome!
With best wishes,
~ RP
Comment from Bichon
I really enjoyed this poem. It was written beautifully and the stanzas split into three, representing the different stages of life were beautiful. I wish you the best of luck with this great entry.
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2020
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I really enjoyed this poem. It was written beautifully and the stanzas split into three, representing the different stages of life were beautiful. I wish you the best of luck with this great entry.
Comment Written 18-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2020
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Bichon, I apprecaite your kind remarks.
Comment from Susan Louise Gabriel
You did a good job writing a beautiful poem in a rather complicated poetic structure. It's an interesting commentary on how we pass through life and communicates the feeling that we are just, as you say, "molded clay" rather than the complex human form we think about ourselves.
Great job!
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2020
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You did a good job writing a beautiful poem in a rather complicated poetic structure. It's an interesting commentary on how we pass through life and communicates the feeling that we are just, as you say, "molded clay" rather than the complex human form we think about ourselves.
Great job!
Comment Written 17-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2020
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Susan I am grateful for your kind words,
Comment from Raul1
I have enjoyed reading your piece of poetry. This poem meets the requirements for the contest. It is clear and concise. Excellent work! No grammatical errors. Good luck!
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2020
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I have enjoyed reading your piece of poetry. This poem meets the requirements for the contest. It is clear and concise. Excellent work! No grammatical errors. Good luck!
Comment Written 17-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2020
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Raul, thank you.
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You're welcome.
Comment from Ulla
I will admit, that I don't know the first thing about the minute poetry, but I liked what I read. I think it's a great entry for the contest. Well done and well written and good luck. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2020
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I will admit, that I don't know the first thing about the minute poetry, but I liked what I read. I think it's a great entry for the contest. Well done and well written and good luck. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 17-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2020
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Ulla, I am smiling back. This, I believe was my fist go at and I admit I stumbled coming out of the gate, but, do as I do and jump into the deep end - I am certain that you will do quite well.
Comment from estory
There's some great musical elements to this poem, I could hear that rocking of the crib, feel the revolution of the stars, and hear the rattling of those chains in the rhythm and the ringing rhymes of this poem. The tight meter and short lines also helped enhance that spinning effect. I liked the images, especially the stars, the alignment of the moon and Mars, creating a sense of fate, of mysterious forces at work under the surface of things on our planet. estory
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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There's some great musical elements to this poem, I could hear that rocking of the crib, feel the revolution of the stars, and hear the rattling of those chains in the rhythm and the ringing rhymes of this poem. The tight meter and short lines also helped enhance that spinning effect. I liked the images, especially the stars, the alignment of the moon and Mars, creating a sense of fate, of mysterious forces at work under the surface of things on our planet. estory
Comment Written 17-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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estory, thank you for reviewing and commenting on this peom.
Comment from Dena Brenner
For minute poetry, this is very well constructed! It takes the reader through the entire cycle of the human experience. Great job, I enjoyed reading it.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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For minute poetry, this is very well constructed! It takes the reader through the entire cycle of the human experience. Great job, I enjoyed reading it.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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Dena, thank you fro dropping in, are you new to FS?
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I am, yes. Enjoying it very much.
Comment from Vanna1
A very good entry. It has a lot of emotion and seriousness. Good use of words to portray a life course. The mood is complimented by your picture. Well done.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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A very good entry. It has a lot of emotion and seriousness. Good use of words to portray a life course. The mood is complimented by your picture. Well done.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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Vanna, thanks much!
