Jacko And The Thunder Box
(573 words) The sound of thunder brings back memories.22 total reviews
Comment from Lucy de Welles
I'm laughing! I think that little Caleb will be very interesting to hear this story when he is old enough :). Such a vivid memory would cement people together forever. Gives "Remember when?" a whole new context.
Love the Aussie backdrop and languaging. Always enjoy learning new terminology. Lots of action. Lots of "Z" words and words with "K", which add interest and humor to any story. Love the contrast between the wild life and suburban life. The peaceful rocking of the baby while enjoying wild thoughts.
There is more than one way to ride out a storm!!
Well done. Solid contest entry.
Lucy
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I'm laughing! I think that little Caleb will be very interesting to hear this story when he is old enough :). Such a vivid memory would cement people together forever. Gives "Remember when?" a whole new context.
Love the Aussie backdrop and languaging. Always enjoy learning new terminology. Lots of action. Lots of "Z" words and words with "K", which add interest and humor to any story. Love the contrast between the wild life and suburban life. The peaceful rocking of the baby while enjoying wild thoughts.
There is more than one way to ride out a storm!!
Well done. Solid contest entry.
Lucy
Comment Written 16-Sep-2020
Comment from roof35
This is a fun read. It is well written with no errors and fits the contest to a T. Your illustration, of course, pairs perfectly. I have to mention that I also had a grandmother named Flossie. Her name was not Florence as the one in the story seems to be. This is the first time I have heard of anyone else having this name. Your entry is very nicely done.
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This is a fun read. It is well written with no errors and fits the contest to a T. Your illustration, of course, pairs perfectly. I have to mention that I also had a grandmother named Flossie. Her name was not Florence as the one in the story seems to be. This is the first time I have heard of anyone else having this name. Your entry is very nicely done.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2020
Comment from RodG
I am amazed how Aussie humor is so much like tales told in the Ozarks of the USA. I loved this tale because (1) you set the scene and described the storm so vividly, (2) you used Aussie slang to characterize both Flossie and Jacko, and (3) the ending was so amusing. One of your best, Lisa!
Rod
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2020
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I am amazed how Aussie humor is so much like tales told in the Ozarks of the USA. I loved this tale because (1) you set the scene and described the storm so vividly, (2) you used Aussie slang to characterize both Flossie and Jacko, and (3) the ending was so amusing. One of your best, Lisa!
Rod
Comment Written 16-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2020
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Thanks for your terrific rating and encouraging comments, Rod. I've lived in New Zealand for more than half my life now, but situations in Australia seem more extremely comical than here, and while the language I used is also used in NZ, it seems more typical to Australia.
Regarding your comment about the Ozarks, i looked up where they are and what nationalities settled there and found this farming commonality with Aussie & NZ: "The Ozark hills were settled by yeoman farmers who moved into the area from the mountains of the Carolinas, Tennessee, and Kentucky ? individuals who were themselves descendants of farmers from Scotland, England, and Ireland. These hill people brought with them stories and tales from their ancient homelands."
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Thank you pointing those similarities out, Lisa. It?s fun for me to learn about both Australia and New Zealand from your writing.
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Reading about places is all the travelling we'll be doing for quite some time, unfortunately.
Comment from trimple
Good morning, Lisa
I have heard a similar tale to this, but I think you expressed it in a much funnier way and wrote it brilliantly.
I do admire you writing skills as you have a lovely tension throughout that never seems to ebb away throughout.
Really made me chuckle this morning.
kind regards
tracey
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Good morning, Lisa
I have heard a similar tale to this, but I think you expressed it in a much funnier way and wrote it brilliantly.
I do admire you writing skills as you have a lovely tension throughout that never seems to ebb away throughout.
Really made me chuckle this morning.
kind regards
tracey
Comment Written 16-Sep-2020
Comment from Pantygynt
Probably due to my overworking on Nevil Shute in my formative years, this is the 'Australia' I picture when the place reminds me of its presence down there in the South Seas. It is probably as typical of the island continent as a coal mining valley is of Wales, but such is the power of the pen, Nevil Shute's on the one hand and A.J.Cronin's on the other, particularly in our formative years.
At my age and given Covid-19s capacity for longevity, the chances of my actually going to the place and having my illusions shattered are miniscule so please continue to feed my dream with lovely fun like this.
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Probably due to my overworking on Nevil Shute in my formative years, this is the 'Australia' I picture when the place reminds me of its presence down there in the South Seas. It is probably as typical of the island continent as a coal mining valley is of Wales, but such is the power of the pen, Nevil Shute's on the one hand and A.J.Cronin's on the other, particularly in our formative years.
At my age and given Covid-19s capacity for longevity, the chances of my actually going to the place and having my illusions shattered are miniscule so please continue to feed my dream with lovely fun like this.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2020
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
This is an humorous entry for the Thunderous Days writing prompt. It should do well in the contest. I send you the best of good luck!
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This is an humorous entry for the Thunderous Days writing prompt. It should do well in the contest. I send you the best of good luck!
Comment Written 16-Sep-2020
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This made me smile and I don't know about you but as I have aged those farts seem to be like steam trains that never end! Ha ha ha, you made me smile with this entertaining write Lisa, much fun, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2020
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This made me smile and I don't know about you but as I have aged those farts seem to be like steam trains that never end! Ha ha ha, you made me smile with this entertaining write Lisa, much fun, love Dolly x
Comment Written 16-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2020
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It's lucky you don't smoke! That Spanish food can make for incendiary situations.
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Too many vegetables is my problem!
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Lisa
Well, my goodness, you sure nailed the theme for this writing prompt. I loved it!
This part is simply fabulous,
"Her eyes widened in horrified disbelief as she saw her husband, clutching a newspaper and with his corduroy pants around his knees, flying sky-high on a wooden toilet seat, heading for Mars while yelling S-H-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-T!!!"
and the final paragraph,
"It was a fart that would go down in family history - the day Jacko rode out the storm and nearly went into orbit on a toilet seat powered by a methane gas explosion."
Wonderful imagery, I can imagine Jacko on his way to Mars, on a toilet seat!
You did a great job with the thunder and lightning...
"He smacked his axe into a log then began jogging along the bush track towards home as the rain swept in. Lightning zinged and crackled overhead, accompanied by noisy rumblings."
and,
"Thunder rumbled around the homestead, rattling the windows. Just after another zig-zag lightning strike zapped the view into sharp light, Florence looked out the kitchen window through rivulets of rain, searching for a sign of her man. She clapped her hands to her ears as a crack of thunder split the air right above the house."
A fine job with this, Lisa. I was reminded of our outhouse, such as it was. My grandfather Bartlett and his sons (my uncles... Bob, Maurice and Ralph) built a log cabin near Cappal Lake, here in southern New Brunswick. Of course, no camp is complete without an outhouse, not too far away (but just far enough, if you know what I mean). It was more like a 3-sided shelter, fully-exposed on the 4th side to the elements. Who would see you? A bear, maybe. A deer, perhaps... or a moose. It was a terrible experience to have to visit the airy shack on a dark evening, especially after my religious uncles were having a Bible study inside the warm log camp, and Satan's role had come up in God's plan for the earth. What a memory! Of course, my Gramp and uncles have passed on to their reward now. But we did have some wonderful hunting trips back in the day. That camp was built in the early 50's, and my cousin Blair (Uncle Ralph's son) still uses it. I think a few mice use it, too!
Thanks for your great entry, and the memories! And good luck in the contest!
Hugs,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2020
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Hi Lisa
Well, my goodness, you sure nailed the theme for this writing prompt. I loved it!
This part is simply fabulous,
"Her eyes widened in horrified disbelief as she saw her husband, clutching a newspaper and with his corduroy pants around his knees, flying sky-high on a wooden toilet seat, heading for Mars while yelling S-H-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-T!!!"
and the final paragraph,
"It was a fart that would go down in family history - the day Jacko rode out the storm and nearly went into orbit on a toilet seat powered by a methane gas explosion."
Wonderful imagery, I can imagine Jacko on his way to Mars, on a toilet seat!
You did a great job with the thunder and lightning...
"He smacked his axe into a log then began jogging along the bush track towards home as the rain swept in. Lightning zinged and crackled overhead, accompanied by noisy rumblings."
and,
"Thunder rumbled around the homestead, rattling the windows. Just after another zig-zag lightning strike zapped the view into sharp light, Florence looked out the kitchen window through rivulets of rain, searching for a sign of her man. She clapped her hands to her ears as a crack of thunder split the air right above the house."
A fine job with this, Lisa. I was reminded of our outhouse, such as it was. My grandfather Bartlett and his sons (my uncles... Bob, Maurice and Ralph) built a log cabin near Cappal Lake, here in southern New Brunswick. Of course, no camp is complete without an outhouse, not too far away (but just far enough, if you know what I mean). It was more like a 3-sided shelter, fully-exposed on the 4th side to the elements. Who would see you? A bear, maybe. A deer, perhaps... or a moose. It was a terrible experience to have to visit the airy shack on a dark evening, especially after my religious uncles were having a Bible study inside the warm log camp, and Satan's role had come up in God's plan for the earth. What a memory! Of course, my Gramp and uncles have passed on to their reward now. But we did have some wonderful hunting trips back in the day. That camp was built in the early 50's, and my cousin Blair (Uncle Ralph's son) still uses it. I think a few mice use it, too!
Thanks for your great entry, and the memories! And good luck in the contest!
Hugs,
Kimbob
Comment Written 16-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2020
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I'm pleased you appreciated my story so much. Thank you for the high rating, and thank you for sharing some of your Cappal Lake memories. It sounds like a place i would enjoy with that wildlife so nearby. (I think I'd rather wet my pants than go out to deal with the devil on a dark night.)
Comment from Mimi Linny
This is just too funny for words...but you sure picked the right ones (especially in its ending)! I love the way you've staged the scenes, introduced the back-woods Australian dialect and created the wonderful build-up to the surprise conclusion of the story. AND...you've chosen the perfect pic to match my favorite line:
"...she saw her husband, clutching a newspaper and with his corduroy pants around his knees, flying sky-high on a wooden toilet seat, heading for Mars while yelling S-H-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-T!!!"
I'm still laughing!!! Wishing you great luck in the "Thunderous Days" contest!
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2020
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This is just too funny for words...but you sure picked the right ones (especially in its ending)! I love the way you've staged the scenes, introduced the back-woods Australian dialect and created the wonderful build-up to the surprise conclusion of the story. AND...you've chosen the perfect pic to match my favorite line:
"...she saw her husband, clutching a newspaper and with his corduroy pants around his knees, flying sky-high on a wooden toilet seat, heading for Mars while yelling S-H-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-T!!!"
I'm still laughing!!! Wishing you great luck in the "Thunderous Days" contest!
Comment Written 16-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2020
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Some folks don't appreciate toilet humour - I'm so pleased you do!!
Thanks for the great review.
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Usually a closed-door event, you sometimes just HAVE to chuckle! Ha! Ha! Again, great job!
Comment from lyenochka
I'm so dumbfounded that I forgot to laugh. It feels like a "tall tale" but I'm trying to figure out if this could really happen. Is it based on a true story at all? Great job telling it with the calming beginning and then how Flossie almost lost dear Jacko!
I just saw that a couple in Florida lost their bathroom when lightning struck the septic tank!
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2020
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I'm so dumbfounded that I forgot to laugh. It feels like a "tall tale" but I'm trying to figure out if this could really happen. Is it based on a true story at all? Great job telling it with the calming beginning and then how Flossie almost lost dear Jacko!
I just saw that a couple in Florida lost their bathroom when lightning struck the septic tank!
Comment Written 16-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2020
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That's it! You saw the story that I saw which triggered my imagination!! I turned it into an Aussie story with a change of toilet situation.
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I'm glad you have such a fertile imagination. I liked the framework you put in the story, too!
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Thank you! Some people worry about my scatological sense of humour.
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I'm not worried at all and I'm sure you'll do well in the contest!
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Thanks for your supportive comments.
