Death from Despair
Denise you be in total Peace25 total reviews
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
There is much sadness in these words and it sounds like Denise committed suicide that always leaves the living feeling rather numb as there is no final goodbye with is hard to imagine, I am so sorry for your loss and your poem is heartfelt and honest, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2020
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There is much sadness in these words and it sounds like Denise committed suicide that always leaves the living feeling rather numb as there is no final goodbye with is hard to imagine, I am so sorry for your loss and your poem is heartfelt and honest, love Dolly x
Comment Written 16-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2020
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Dolly, thank you yes, we are left with only questions, no answers, only Trust that she is resting in Peace.
Comment from Sanku
This is sad. The helplessness and sometimes guilt one feels is terrible in such cases.I have gone through such a period in my life .Your poem is very evocative and it has a depth of feeling.All the best for a contest.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2020
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This is sad. The helplessness and sometimes guilt one feels is terrible in such cases.I have gone through such a period in my life .Your poem is very evocative and it has a depth of feeling.All the best for a contest.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2020
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Sanku, I thank you for your kind understanding.
Comment from Raul1
I have enjoyed reading your piece of poetry. Good work! I like how you structured this poem. I like your piece of poetry. Interesting and unique. Thanks for sharing! Good luck!
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2020
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I have enjoyed reading your piece of poetry. Good work! I like how you structured this poem. I like your piece of poetry. Interesting and unique. Thanks for sharing! Good luck!
Comment Written 15-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2020
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Thanks
Comment from royowen
It's a lovely thing to write a tribute to a dearly departed friend who suffered on this earthly plain, then one would hope, that wherever the are this day, will be decidedly happier there than they were here. Beautifully written, sorry for your loss, good luck, blessings Roy
Typo : see(')s witness.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2020
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It's a lovely thing to write a tribute to a dearly departed friend who suffered on this earthly plain, then one would hope, that wherever the are this day, will be decidedly happier there than they were here. Beautifully written, sorry for your loss, good luck, blessings Roy
Typo : see(')s witness.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2020
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Thanks Roy.
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Most welcome
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Denise you be in total Peace
Death from Despair
Hello anonymous
Nice entry for the Sad Poems writing prompt contest. The syntax needs some work but the topic and the intention are good. I wish you the best in the contest.
Edits:
."..make my heartache..."
... I think you mean "makes my 'heart ache", as in my heart hurts. "Heartache is a noun and "heart aches" is a verb.
"until her soul and
her mind (see's)witness of your open heart,
open arms. It's "is"
(her mind is witness of your open heart,
open arms.)
hugs and cheers
and high (five's) for making across
the finish line. (fives)
"(Divines) (one more) (ask), if I can be so bold..
On occasion, (some), like Denise,".... ( is Divines a person's name? In any case, it's supposed to be 'asks' if it's one person.
The correct syntax is..."Divine once more asks if I can be so bold..
On occasion, someone like Denise,"..
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2020
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Denise you be in total Peace
Death from Despair
Hello anonymous
Nice entry for the Sad Poems writing prompt contest. The syntax needs some work but the topic and the intention are good. I wish you the best in the contest.
Edits:
."..make my heartache..."
... I think you mean "makes my 'heart ache", as in my heart hurts. "Heartache is a noun and "heart aches" is a verb.
"until her soul and
her mind (see's)witness of your open heart,
open arms. It's "is"
(her mind is witness of your open heart,
open arms.)
hugs and cheers
and high (five's) for making across
the finish line. (fives)
"(Divines) (one more) (ask), if I can be so bold..
On occasion, (some), like Denise,".... ( is Divines a person's name? In any case, it's supposed to be 'asks' if it's one person.
The correct syntax is..."Divine once more asks if I can be so bold..
On occasion, someone like Denise,"..
Comment Written 15-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2020
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Gypsy, good catches. it is obvious I am still in the grieving process. thanks for the edit support.
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It's much better! I changed my score to five stars.
Comment from Susan Louise Gabriel
You definitely hit the mark on the requirements for the poem to be sad! You have written your poem in honor of your friend in such a way that others who read this poem will think of their own "Denises" and perhaps give them a call or pay them a visit.
Very well done!
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2020
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You definitely hit the mark on the requirements for the poem to be sad! You have written your poem in honor of your friend in such a way that others who read this poem will think of their own "Denises" and perhaps give them a call or pay them a visit.
Very well done!
Comment Written 15-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2020
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Susan, Thank you so much!
Comment from Cindy Warren
How sad you lost Denise that way. I do hope she has found peace. It hurts me that there are so many just like her, who just can't take it any more and can't get any real help.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2020
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How sad you lost Denise that way. I do hope she has found peace. It hurts me that there are so many just like her, who just can't take it any more and can't get any real help.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2020
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Cindy, yes it happens to often these days,
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written poem about sadness in this world that are always around us. The situations we share with our loved ones and see how they got hurt is breaking our hearts too.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2020
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A very well-written poem about sadness in this world that are always around us. The situations we share with our loved ones and see how they got hurt is breaking our hearts too.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2020
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Sandra, thanks much!
Comment from robyn corum
Dear Mystery Writer,
What a sad little piece! I am glad Denise had such a good friend - especially one who could understand her so well, even unto death. You make this entry for the sad contest a worthy one. Good luck!
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2020
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Dear Mystery Writer,
What a sad little piece! I am glad Denise had such a good friend - especially one who could understand her so well, even unto death. You make this entry for the sad contest a worthy one. Good luck!
Comment Written 15-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2020
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Robyn, thanks I cleaned up some stuff.
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Yes! Nice job. When I came by earlier I had kids in my lap and couldn't offer all the comments I really wanted. The piece was powerful either way. So full of love and compassion. Nice, nice job.
I saw you caught a lot of the stuff I saw, but here are a couple more, if you are interested?
1.) (whose) journey in this life was not always level,
2.) Divine Beings, I have one more (request), if I can be so bold...
3.) cheers and high (fives) for making across the finish line.
4.) "What a delightful place(!") (T)hen ask(, "W)here do we Yoga?"
Thanks, again, and good luck!
Comment from equestrik
This IS a sad write but within the lines I can see that there is hope that all will be okay. I love that you explain who she is and some of the reality of her personality. It is obvious you cared for her. There are some editing mistakes that I think you can easily fix but lovely and heart felt.
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reply by the author on 15-Sep-2020
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This IS a sad write but within the lines I can see that there is hope that all will be okay. I love that you explain who she is and some of the reality of her personality. It is obvious you cared for her. There are some editing mistakes that I think you can easily fix but lovely and heart felt.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2020
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Thanks, I did go in a make some adjustments, the write was still too raw, I appreciate your words.
