The Living Sea
A Trichain for the Potlatch Challenge26 total reviews
Comment from Tina Crute
The beat in this is amazingly smooth. In addition to the catchy beat that could be a song, the presentation is so inviting.The seafoam green is soothing as you describe what is seen underwater and what the problem is. It's like you are a news reporter telling us what is going on. I like it!
Tina
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2020
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The beat in this is amazingly smooth. In addition to the catchy beat that could be a song, the presentation is so inviting.The seafoam green is soothing as you describe what is seen underwater and what the problem is. It's like you are a news reporter telling us what is going on. I like it!
Tina
Comment Written 28-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2020
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Thank you so much!
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It was my pleasure!
Comment from harmony13
The author's notes are engaging, clear, educational and creative. The poem flows and connects well. The reader thought about the beauty
of the ocean and it's many creatures. The artwork is perfect and compliments this poem. Hope you are having a great day!
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2020
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The author's notes are engaging, clear, educational and creative. The poem flows and connects well. The reader thought about the beauty
of the ocean and it's many creatures. The artwork is perfect and compliments this poem. Hope you are having a great day!
Comment Written 27-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2020
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Thank you so much!
Comment from Cindy Decker
Congratulations on your win, June! Well-deserved!
I like your poem because it is understood I think--the damage man has done to God's earth. I think the end may be near also. P have a wonderful week.
Blessings,
Cindy
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2020
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Congratulations on your win, June! Well-deserved!
I like your poem because it is understood I think--the damage man has done to God's earth. I think the end may be near also. P have a wonderful week.
Blessings,
Cindy
Comment Written 26-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2020
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Thank you for dropping by to share your insights!
Comment from Earl Corp
I wish I still had a six star rating to give you, this poem deserves it. It rhymes, makes sense and made me think. Very nice job. Thank you for sharing. Stay safe and stay healthy.
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2020
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I wish I still had a six star rating to give you, this poem deserves it. It rhymes, makes sense and made me think. Very nice job. Thank you for sharing. Stay safe and stay healthy.
Comment Written 26-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2020
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Thank you so much for sharing your encouraging and insightful feedback!
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Lovely picture that accompanies the ocean reef, and yes good question will we live another day to enjoy this beautiful place? "The ocean is the greatest part
of planet earth, where life did start
According to God's plan and chart,
all creatures were to thrive
If man cannot appreciate
that damage should not escalate -
let's change our course before too late -
the end may soon arrive
"
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2020
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Lovely picture that accompanies the ocean reef, and yes good question will we live another day to enjoy this beautiful place? "The ocean is the greatest part
of planet earth, where life did start
According to God's plan and chart,
all creatures were to thrive
If man cannot appreciate
that damage should not escalate -
let's change our course before too late -
the end may soon arrive
"
Comment Written 26-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2020
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Thank you so much for sharing your encouraging and insightful feedback!
Comment from Beverly A McBride
I liked that you are concerned with the health of the ocean. I liked that phrase "The ocean is the greatest part of planet earth, where life did start." I liked the visual also. Good Job. Good luck.
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2020
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I liked that you are concerned with the health of the ocean. I liked that phrase "The ocean is the greatest part of planet earth, where life did start." I liked the visual also. Good Job. Good luck.
Comment Written 26-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2020
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Thank you so much for sharing your encouraging and insightful feedback!
Comment from lightink
I love the beautiful oceanic imagery you created with this poem and the message in the second part is priceless! It caught me off guard because I didn't expect the shift in theme as I was reading it, which I believe is a very good effect: first the lovely images and then telling the reader how we could lose it unless we make some radical changes.
The first two stanzas are full of colorful, busy little details about the coral reef:
"ocean's aqua foam"
"angelfish and seahorse roam"
"Sweet seaweed that the mollusk eats
is often pink or red as beets"
I like that you introduced the idea that this is their home:
"reach the coral he calls home"
This is exactly how we should think about different habitats: THE ANIMALS' HOME, not 'our' land...
Then the striking cross rhymed - thus emphasized - line shifts the topic:
"but will the Reef survive?" - like a punch in the gut.
I like how you bring together science and the higher perspective in the next stanza:
"where life did start
According to God's plan and chart,"
And the final stanza says it all, plain and clear -we, humans, can't damage this place further...or else
"the end may soon arrive"
strong and effective closing line!
You worked with the form gracefully, pristine meter and well chosen rhymes. The only spot I'm wondering about regarding the meter is
"If man cannot appreciate
that damage cannot escalate"
The two two 'cannot' with two different pronunciations, which is totally allowed, but maybe the second one could be 'should not'. It's just a thought...I see the merits of the double 'cannot', too.
Thank you for this beautiful environmentally conscious poem!
We need a lot if these.
Warmly,
J
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2020
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I love the beautiful oceanic imagery you created with this poem and the message in the second part is priceless! It caught me off guard because I didn't expect the shift in theme as I was reading it, which I believe is a very good effect: first the lovely images and then telling the reader how we could lose it unless we make some radical changes.
The first two stanzas are full of colorful, busy little details about the coral reef:
"ocean's aqua foam"
"angelfish and seahorse roam"
"Sweet seaweed that the mollusk eats
is often pink or red as beets"
I like that you introduced the idea that this is their home:
"reach the coral he calls home"
This is exactly how we should think about different habitats: THE ANIMALS' HOME, not 'our' land...
Then the striking cross rhymed - thus emphasized - line shifts the topic:
"but will the Reef survive?" - like a punch in the gut.
I like how you bring together science and the higher perspective in the next stanza:
"where life did start
According to God's plan and chart,"
And the final stanza says it all, plain and clear -we, humans, can't damage this place further...or else
"the end may soon arrive"
strong and effective closing line!
You worked with the form gracefully, pristine meter and well chosen rhymes. The only spot I'm wondering about regarding the meter is
"If man cannot appreciate
that damage cannot escalate"
The two two 'cannot' with two different pronunciations, which is totally allowed, but maybe the second one could be 'should not'. It's just a thought...I see the merits of the double 'cannot', too.
Thank you for this beautiful environmentally conscious poem!
We need a lot if these.
Warmly,
J
Comment Written 26-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2020
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I agree with your suggestions and have revised this piece. Thank you for sharing your insights!
Comment from Ayan3
That was an amazing story and I hope you can write more stories and I also could not stop reading it and I hope you get the recognition you need for this story.
Sincerely, Ayan
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2020
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That was an amazing story and I hope you can write more stories and I also could not stop reading it and I hope you get the recognition you need for this story.
Sincerely, Ayan
Comment Written 25-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2020
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Thank you so much!
Comment from Markie Doczi
This is a prettily- worded entreaty on the ocean's behalf! It is majestic and mysterious, still an unexplored frontier, really.
I don't think life started there... but I definitely agree that we'd better get our act together!
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2020
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This is a prettily- worded entreaty on the ocean's behalf! It is majestic and mysterious, still an unexplored frontier, really.
I don't think life started there... but I definitely agree that we'd better get our act together!
Comment Written 25-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2020
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Thank you!
Comment from RShipp
Your rhyming scheme was precise. I liked it.
The story you told, by way of your poem, was well thought out.
Enjoyed.
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2020
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Your rhyming scheme was precise. I liked it.
The story you told, by way of your poem, was well thought out.
Enjoyed.
Comment Written 25-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2020
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Thank you!
