Between Friends (Part-5 of 6)
Request for first date.27 total reviews
Comment from karenina
I agree--no warning was warranted and furthermore, I subscribe to the Alfred Hitchcock theory that what one imagines is ever so much more graphic and powerful than what one thrusts upon another's mind--be it through film or writing... Believe be, the gist was clear as a rising sun!
How interesting--after a sexual marathon with Olivia it is Leslie Brad is
intent on calling and meeting up with. I don't have enough psychology credits to figure it out but it seems to be a real life pattern I've observed previously!
Ah--How long before the culmination of this story posts? I am curious! It's been a heck of a ride so far...
Karenina
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2020
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I agree--no warning was warranted and furthermore, I subscribe to the Alfred Hitchcock theory that what one imagines is ever so much more graphic and powerful than what one thrusts upon another's mind--be it through film or writing... Believe be, the gist was clear as a rising sun!
How interesting--after a sexual marathon with Olivia it is Leslie Brad is
intent on calling and meeting up with. I don't have enough psychology credits to figure it out but it seems to be a real life pattern I've observed previously!
Ah--How long before the culmination of this story posts? I am curious! It's been a heck of a ride so far...
Karenina
Comment Written 23-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2020
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Hello, Karenina,
I didn't put the warning up at first, then I did. Then, the more I thought about it, I went back and took it down. So, I'm glad you agree it wasn't warranted. I most always leave things up to the reader to decide, but it never fails that I take a lot of flack for it. Just like all the over-exaggerations and the onslaught of similes. I just can't make people understand it's all in fun and breaks up too much seriousness; otherwise, it's just a soap opera. Sorry for the novella of explanations. I'm just happy some of your life experiences helped you to relate and understand the characters. Thank you so much for another outstanding and generous review? I appreciate YOU!
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It feels very nice to be appreciated. I always enjoy reading your work.--Karenina
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I'm glad you enjoy my time-passing foolishness. It's nice to feel like someone truly gets it. YOU are very much appreciated!
Comment from Veenbee
Yes, I agree you didn't need to give graphic details. It was made clear how you presented it. At first I got the impression Leslie was already a girlfriend until she mentioned first date? I know I'm coming in at the end but it Brad a player? He goes from one girl to the next as if Leslie never happened.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2020
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Yes, I agree you didn't need to give graphic details. It was made clear how you presented it. At first I got the impression Leslie was already a girlfriend until she mentioned first date? I know I'm coming in at the end but it Brad a player? He goes from one girl to the next as if Leslie never happened.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2020
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Hello, Veenbee, and thanks for reading part 5 of my story. Brad isn't a player, he is really rather naive and inexperienced. Olivia is a beast. This is one of those stories where each part adds another piece of the puzzle, and one without the others leave readers scratching their heads. LOL. It's an over-exaggerated, simile-laden, twisted content spoof meant mostly for fun, a few laughs, and just a touch sexy. I'll be posting the finale this afternoon, and I hope you're tempted to catch up so everything fits together. But if not, I sure do appreciate your reading this part, your comments, and the generous review!
Comment from Mastery
Hi Don. Glad to see another chapter here. Your plot is sexy and holds the reader's interest for sure.
Suggestions: "knees don't really knock, nor do really chatter"
And: This simile: "Leaving little doubt his clenched butt squeezes the seat tighter than a suction cup." (Not really a good one, I'm afraid, Don. At very least put it like this if you still want to use it
"Leaving little doubt his clenched buttocks squeezed the seat like a suction cup."
You have this penchant recently to use a bunch of similes. Unfortunately, as I told you once before, there are too many and that defeats their purpose, no matter how good they may be. Trust me, stop using them.
There are some excellent books on the subject of similes..(samples and all). Check the library or Amazon...very inexpensive to buy and well worth it.
One more thing. In this description of the interior of the house, . . . it is too much. I would only pick the very best descriptions like a cathedral ceiling and the furniture...leave the rest for later in the chapter.
"Inside the house, the detailed woodworking and moldings are magnificent. The marble staircase sweeps up and around, exits on each side floor of four stories. Lifesize statues of famous people, a dimly-lit chandelier the size of a blimp, and dual over-sized fireplaces set in an arching wall of stone that sparkles with specks of what looks like diamonds under revolving lights, and a bar sixty-feet, if it's an inch, across that lies against the back wall, next to an almost hidden glass-cubicle elevator in the corner."
Keep at it, my friend. You will be fine. :) Bob
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2020
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Hi Don. Glad to see another chapter here. Your plot is sexy and holds the reader's interest for sure.
Suggestions: "knees don't really knock, nor do really chatter"
And: This simile: "Leaving little doubt his clenched butt squeezes the seat tighter than a suction cup." (Not really a good one, I'm afraid, Don. At very least put it like this if you still want to use it
"Leaving little doubt his clenched buttocks squeezed the seat like a suction cup."
You have this penchant recently to use a bunch of similes. Unfortunately, as I told you once before, there are too many and that defeats their purpose, no matter how good they may be. Trust me, stop using them.
There are some excellent books on the subject of similes..(samples and all). Check the library or Amazon...very inexpensive to buy and well worth it.
One more thing. In this description of the interior of the house, . . . it is too much. I would only pick the very best descriptions like a cathedral ceiling and the furniture...leave the rest for later in the chapter.
"Inside the house, the detailed woodworking and moldings are magnificent. The marble staircase sweeps up and around, exits on each side floor of four stories. Lifesize statues of famous people, a dimly-lit chandelier the size of a blimp, and dual over-sized fireplaces set in an arching wall of stone that sparkles with specks of what looks like diamonds under revolving lights, and a bar sixty-feet, if it's an inch, across that lies against the back wall, next to an almost hidden glass-cubicle elevator in the corner."
Keep at it, my friend. You will be fine. :) Bob
Comment Written 22-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2020
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Hey, Bob, thank you so much as always for your advice and suggestions. I appreciate them wholeheartedly and would never want you to think otherwise. So, please, don't take what I'm about to say the wrong way. I think we are looking at this story in a totally different way as to what I'm trying to say and how I'm trying to say it. First off, knees don't make a knocking sound but they do knock together if you've ever been scared enough, as do teeth chatter. I've been there on both cases. I don't like the butt as a suction cup either, except it's stupid and funny, as it's intended. This is not intended to be a serious story. All the similes and over-exaggerations are intended to be silly and funny, and so far, most people seem to understand my intentions. That is their only purpose for me. I have a whole library of books on every aspect of writing, and I perfectly understanding what you are saying, but it's just supposed to be fun. And none of it taken too seriously. As for the heavy descriptions on the interior of the house, they are more to show the mentality of the chick, and her other half who hasn't been described yet, more so than about the house. Just like the description of her $400,000 Audi R8 GT. When I get back to writing serious posts rather than a silly spoof for a laugh, I promise those won't be simile-laden, over-exaggerated, with a twisted context. I wouldn't make you mad, hurt your feelings, or be disrespectful for nothing in the world. I just wanted you to understand that none of this is intended to be serious or anything other than goofy and a good time. I appreciate YOU and all the time you spend to try and help me better!
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Sorry Don. I did not understand that. Well, whatever floats your boat, I say. Keep on keepin on, my friend. Perhaps you should make a note on the bottom to the affect of what you have just told me. It is a goof. :) Bob Bob
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Please, don't be sorry, Bob, it tells me that many others may not be seeing the humor as I've intended. And I thank you for pointing that out among everything else you spend your time trying to help me improve. I appreciate every comment and suggestion you ever make, and you've helped me tremendously. I just finally realized on this one that I'm saying things in jest, making fun of over-emphasized character's actions, but, I might be the only one laughing. Or people are laughing more at me than the story. Thanks a million always, Don.
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You will sort it all out, don. Blessings. : ) your friend, Bob
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I think leaving our the graphics is good. The imagine can fill in where it's needed or wanted. I am glad Leslie has agreed to go out with Brad. I only hope Olivia doesn't show up and mess things up.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2020
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I think leaving our the graphics is good. The imagine can fill in where it's needed or wanted. I am glad Leslie has agreed to go out with Brad. I only hope Olivia doesn't show up and mess things up.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2020
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Wow, the hard-headed, unwilling-to-conform butcher of the English language and punctuation gets an extra-special, six-star review from the teacher. I'm honored and overwhelmed. And to think it's with the part that I know neither of us would have on our preferred reading list. The chapter I was embarrassed to have written even before anyone had read it. I hope you can enjoy the final chapter. Thank you so much for hanging in with this goofy story, your kind words, and the wonderfully generous review. I appreciate YOU!
Comment from Mistydawn
I'm glad to see that Brad is still on one piece. The way you left the last chapter and the beginning of this one I was worried the mystery lady might be a serial killer. Guess she could give someone a heart attack. At least the guys would die doing what they loved with a smile on their face.
Your chapter is a very well-written, interesting chapter start to finish. Your characters, their action, and dialogue seem realistic. Your hint of their romantic encounters was perfectly done. I wish I had a six to give this deserving piece but I'm afraid I'm out.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2020
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I'm glad to see that Brad is still on one piece. The way you left the last chapter and the beginning of this one I was worried the mystery lady might be a serial killer. Guess she could give someone a heart attack. At least the guys would die doing what they loved with a smile on their face.
Your chapter is a very well-written, interesting chapter start to finish. Your characters, their action, and dialogue seem realistic. Your hint of their romantic encounters was perfectly done. I wish I had a six to give this deserving piece but I'm afraid I'm out.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2020
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I'm always happy to read your wonderful reviews with all their kind words and encouragement. The sixes are always nice, but most of all the fellowship and support mean more than any thing. I tried to let readers know there was more than a handshake and tune any sexual graphics and erotica to a minimum. Then, I finally added a warning to be safe. I respect your opinion and just wonder if you feel the warning is needed? Anyway, I always appreciate your review, comments, and suggestions. If you every run for office, I'll vote for you! Thanks again!
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You probably don't need the warning. It was just suggestive enough to give us a general idea. I'm not corrupt enough to be a politician. Says the gal who has serial killer/vigilantes running around in her head, lol.
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
I'm not aware of your interaction with Leslie, but from this chapter, I assume she is more the type that you are comfortable with. So, my interest is peaked and I will try to catch up, slowly. .t is well-written.
Ralf
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2020
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I'm not aware of your interaction with Leslie, but from this chapter, I assume she is more the type that you are comfortable with. So, my interest is peaked and I will try to catch up, slowly. .t is well-written.
Ralf
Comment Written 22-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2020
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Thank you so much, Raffaelina Lowcock, for reading part 5 of my silly story. Each part is like a piece of the puzzle and and any one part without the others in sequence sort of leaves the reader wondering WHAT? LOL. It's and over-exaggerated, simile-laden character spoof that starts with two old friends running into each other and making dinner plans in part one. I appreciate you reading part five and now that your interest is peaked, I hope you enjoy the rest of the story. Thanks again for reading!
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Indeed!
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This is a good work of fiction; you have tried to show how friendship as a relation could stand by at its own on the verge of values and friendliness actions and activations; well said, well done, thanks for sharing this. ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2020
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This is a good work of fiction; you have tried to show how friendship as a relation could stand by at its own on the verge of values and friendliness actions and activations; well said, well done, thanks for sharing this. ALCREATOR
Comment Written 22-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2020
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Thank you so much, Alcrator Litt Dear, for hanging in there with this story and I hope you like the closing chapter I'll post on Sunday. I appreciate your kind words and generous review!
Comment from Earl Corp
You might want to put a mature content label on this. A cast of characters in the author's notes would also be a help to those of us who haven't read the other four chapters. Stay safe and stay healthy.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2020
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You might want to put a mature content label on this. A cast of characters in the author's notes would also be a help to those of us who haven't read the other four chapters. Stay safe and stay healthy.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2020
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Thanks so much, Earl Corp, for taking time to read part 5 of my goofy story. I do wish they had a label that reads mature content. I intentionally avoided graphic sexual details and erotic content, but still wanted the readers to know things did progress past a hand shake. LOL. All 6 parts so different it really takes them all to makes the puzzle pieces fit. Brad the only character in all six parts, 4 character total. I will add a character list. I appreciate your comments, suggestions, and generous review!
Comment from Ben B.
Well, it's official, Olivia is a nut, and boy she sure knows how to take charge.
I gave to give Brad credit, he's smooth with the women. Either that or Leslie is a sap.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2020
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Well, it's official, Olivia is a nut, and boy she sure knows how to take charge.
I gave to give Brad credit, he's smooth with the women. Either that or Leslie is a sap.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2020
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Thanks so much, Ben B, for hanging in there with my goofy story. It's definitely not for everyone, including me. LOL. But, I hope it's fun and entertaining. Brad's not real smooth, he just fell into a situation with a female predator who knows how to manipulate. LOL. I hope you like where the ending takes us. I appreciate YOU!
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Hey have you seen my story? It?s practically a cartoon.
Comment from RShipp
"Olivia laughs hysterically, like a thrill-seeking teenager on an amusement park ride." PLEASE ... Let me out of this car!
"Poor baby . . . you must have lived such a sheltered life." This girl is a crazy ******. Sorry for the **** language.
I will be interested to see what happens next.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2020
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"Olivia laughs hysterically, like a thrill-seeking teenager on an amusement park ride." PLEASE ... Let me out of this car!
"Poor baby . . . you must have lived such a sheltered life." This girl is a crazy ******. Sorry for the **** language.
I will be interested to see what happens next.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2020
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Thank you so much, RShipp, for hanging in with my wild and crazy story. Olivia is definitely a manipulating predator who has Brad under her spell. I hope you like where the last part takes it. I'll post it on Sunday. I appreciate your kind words and generous review!
