Another Life
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Awakening"American Isekai
9 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
Your excellent descriptive setting immediately has me mesmerized.
A little tongue-in-cheek humor: "Regardless, his dick had made the trip with him." The switch in name makes the reader give pause. This is such a great concept in your story. I believe this is actually the way things do happen unless there is a stopping off time to set up our curriculum for the new life of learning. I will be on to the next chap.
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Your excellent descriptive setting immediately has me mesmerized.
A little tongue-in-cheek humor: "Regardless, his dick had made the trip with him." The switch in name makes the reader give pause. This is such a great concept in your story. I believe this is actually the way things do happen unless there is a stopping off time to set up our curriculum for the new life of learning. I will be on to the next chap.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2021
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
Well if you will pardon the pun, this is a 'novel' story. You are setting it up in a manner that is feeding my curiosity, to the nth degree. I cannot imagine what the sentiment will turn out to be.
Ralf
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Well if you will pardon the pun, this is a 'novel' story. You are setting it up in a manner that is feeding my curiosity, to the nth degree. I cannot imagine what the sentiment will turn out to be.
Ralf
Comment Written 01-Feb-2021
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This is an interesting start to your novel. Good points are that the action comes rapidly and that you dispose of Derrick's death in the 'background'.
Potential SPAGs. Please consider:
Seeing his new mother smile and cooking dumplings >repeated verb form means that it's Paul who is cooking. How about - Seeing his new mother smile as she cooked dumplings
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This is an interesting start to your novel. Good points are that the action comes rapidly and that you dispose of Derrick's death in the 'background'.
Potential SPAGs. Please consider:
Seeing his new mother smile and cooking dumplings >repeated verb form means that it's Paul who is cooking. How about - Seeing his new mother smile as she cooked dumplings
Comment Written 08-Jan-2021
Comment from judiverse
I didn't see this coming in the previous chapter. What a shock it must be to die and then be reborn into a completely different life. It's touching to have him thinking of the parents and the life he knew as Derrick. To make things even stranger, he discovers he isn't on Earth. This is unusual for a fantasy story, because it seems that their civilization is a bit backward. Great beginning, and it'll be interesting to see how Paul develops in this new environment. judi
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2020
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I didn't see this coming in the previous chapter. What a shock it must be to die and then be reborn into a completely different life. It's touching to have him thinking of the parents and the life he knew as Derrick. To make things even stranger, he discovers he isn't on Earth. This is unusual for a fantasy story, because it seems that their civilization is a bit backward. Great beginning, and it'll be interesting to see how Paul develops in this new environment. judi
Comment Written 19-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2020
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Thank you, Judi. It will be a few surprises that's for sure. I'll be posting the next part soon.
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You're welcome. Wouldn't that be something to be reborn and remember your past life. judi
Comment from Iza Deleanu
WOW, this must be so confusing to wake up in a different body, country and family, but still have the memory of the previous life. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your next chapter.
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WOW, this must be so confusing to wake up in a different body, country and family, but still have the memory of the previous life. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your next chapter.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2020
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
A good and rational thought promoted; I like and have enjoyed how a word like a message is narrated about life and living in appreciation in reality; well said, well done; thanks for sharing this. ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2020
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A good and rational thought promoted; I like and have enjoyed how a word like a message is narrated about life and living in appreciation in reality; well said, well done; thanks for sharing this. ALCREATOR
Comment Written 18-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2020
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Thank you.
Comment from royowen
I rather like this theme, not terribly dissimilar to some sci books, I can vaguely remember reading something like this years ago, it's quite exciting to witness reading something that was in my youth. How exciting, you've latched on to a great theme. Most enjoyable, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2020
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I rather like this theme, not terribly dissimilar to some sci books, I can vaguely remember reading something like this years ago, it's quite exciting to witness reading something that was in my youth. How exciting, you've latched on to a great theme. Most enjoyable, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 18-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2020
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Thank you, Roy. It's my first novel. Hope people enjoy the adventure.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
SSSSSStunning. The opening paragraph earns your stars in itself. This surely is an original--POV of a fetus!--wonderful touch of humor when he checks out his dick! Masterful work. Cheerssssss. LIZ (typo: mideval s/b medieval)
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2020
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SSSSSStunning. The opening paragraph earns your stars in itself. This surely is an original--POV of a fetus!--wonderful touch of humor when he checks out his dick! Masterful work. Cheerssssss. LIZ (typo: mideval s/b medieval)
Comment Written 17-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2020
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Thank you. I will correct that.
Comment from Ben B.
Yikes! Being reborn in such a manner must be a shock. It would be so ironic if you character wished earlier that he could start over again. That would be a big slam of irony.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2020
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Yikes! Being reborn in such a manner must be a shock. It would be so ironic if you character wished earlier that he could start over again. That would be a big slam of irony.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2020
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Thank you. How, he got there will be revealed during the story.
