Between Friends (Part-3 of 6)
Brad and Leslie's first spat.23 total reviews
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
They were both right, and both wrong. She owes him no exclamation for anything. And he owes nothing to her. But they are both reaching for a relationship together and are already trying to establish rules. He should have grabbed her and kissed her a quick one, and then a not-so-quick one. That would have cleared up things for me. Karen
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2023
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They were both right, and both wrong. She owes him no exclamation for anything. And he owes nothing to her. But they are both reaching for a relationship together and are already trying to establish rules. He should have grabbed her and kissed her a quick one, and then a not-so-quick one. That would have cleared up things for me. Karen
Comment Written 28-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2023
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That kind of sounds like you'd have been saying shut up and kiss me stupid. LOL. Sometimes clearing things up too quickly isn't the right way to go. Keep 'um guessing. I appreciate you and your kind review!
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I have actually said that to people. If they can't kiss good there is no point. am one to take care of things right away. Get the problem taken care of, and have no worries is my motto. you were a stinker with your ending. Thank you. I like being pleasantly surprised. Karen
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Everything starts with a kiss, and if the kiss isn't good, nothing else works is agreed. :-)
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With me it starts with whether or not they hold my hand. Then the kiss. Karen
Comment from lyenochka
Poor Brad! I can see how he feels the way things turned out for him. I laughed at him rummaging through the garbage can for Leslie's number. I guess this was before cell phones and the history of numbers dialed is saved. What I liked most about this post is how we can be so in our heads about how we interpreted a scenario and how wrong we can be about how it all actually played out. Great job!
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2022
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Poor Brad! I can see how he feels the way things turned out for him. I laughed at him rummaging through the garbage can for Leslie's number. I guess this was before cell phones and the history of numbers dialed is saved. What I liked most about this post is how we can be so in our heads about how we interpreted a scenario and how wrong we can be about how it all actually played out. Great job!
Comment Written 05-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2022
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Thank you so much, Helen, for your kind words and generous review. And of course for sticking with my long drawn out story. I promise, it gets better. LOL. I have a habit of clearing my previous calls since most scammers, which I'll add to this to clarify. And thanks for bringing it to my attention. Or, maybe I should make him so tore up that he doesn't even realize the number should be on his phone until he's dug through the trash. LOL. I don't know . . . but, I sure do appreciate you taking time to read more of my foolishness. Or, maybe I just messed up. You're a champ!
Comment from Susan X Smith
This is an interesting sequel to Part 2. There is a hint of on-again, off-again, will she or won't she about their blossoming potential relationship. Happy holidays!
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2020
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This is an interesting sequel to Part 2. There is a hint of on-again, off-again, will she or won't she about their blossoming potential relationship. Happy holidays!
Comment Written 26-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2020
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Thank you so much, Susan, for your kind words and generous review. This is an over-exaggerated farce that really needs to be read in sequence from chapter one through chapter six to get the jest and for everything to be tied together. I can't thank you enough for tuning in. I appreciate you!
Comment from Mastery
Hi Don I like the way this story is progressing and the common language you use is effective for sure. Your dialogue is well-paced and believable.
Now, If you don't want my suggestions, btw, just tell me to back off, Don and I will not be insulted:
That said, for starters, always, always start a chapter with a good "hook." that is a "grabber" to keep the reader going on: Like, perhaps this:
"Brad tossed Leslie's phone number into the trashcan." (Then build the rest of your stuff around that "hook." (See what I mean?)
I like the imagery in this paragraph, but as written, what is he looking for?
"Then, three hours later, he rummages through the smelly trash can for over an hour: eggshells, coffee grounds, soggy paper, and two-day-old food scraps. His scavenger hunt persists until it's too late to call again." (I know, but the reader might not unless you say so) Like, "....Then, three hours later, he rummages through the smelly trash can looking for her number...."
Just one, but it is a biggie: Start writing your story in "past tense" It is not hard to do and would sound much more realistic. For instance you would change this paragraph from Present tense:
"The phone rings four-times before a squeaky-voiced woman answers politely. She sounds pleasant enough but stays tight-lipped on information. Leslie isn't home, she explains, and has no idea when she might be. But, she offers to take a message."
To past tense; "The phone rang four times before a squeaky-voiced woman answered. She sounded pleasant enough, but remained tight-lipped on giving information. She explained that Leslie wasn't home and had no idea of when she might be. She offered to take a message."
In closing a chapter, same thing applies regarding a "hook" for the opening. Use a good hook to close out so the reader is looking forward to next chapter. On this one, i would make one small change, here: " starts the car, and drives home." change to " starts the car, and drives away."
Good job overall, my friend. :) Bob
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2020
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Hi Don I like the way this story is progressing and the common language you use is effective for sure. Your dialogue is well-paced and believable.
Now, If you don't want my suggestions, btw, just tell me to back off, Don and I will not be insulted:
That said, for starters, always, always start a chapter with a good "hook." that is a "grabber" to keep the reader going on: Like, perhaps this:
"Brad tossed Leslie's phone number into the trashcan." (Then build the rest of your stuff around that "hook." (See what I mean?)
I like the imagery in this paragraph, but as written, what is he looking for?
"Then, three hours later, he rummages through the smelly trash can for over an hour: eggshells, coffee grounds, soggy paper, and two-day-old food scraps. His scavenger hunt persists until it's too late to call again." (I know, but the reader might not unless you say so) Like, "....Then, three hours later, he rummages through the smelly trash can looking for her number...."
Just one, but it is a biggie: Start writing your story in "past tense" It is not hard to do and would sound much more realistic. For instance you would change this paragraph from Present tense:
"The phone rings four-times before a squeaky-voiced woman answers politely. She sounds pleasant enough but stays tight-lipped on information. Leslie isn't home, she explains, and has no idea when she might be. But, she offers to take a message."
To past tense; "The phone rang four times before a squeaky-voiced woman answered. She sounded pleasant enough, but remained tight-lipped on giving information. She explained that Leslie wasn't home and had no idea of when she might be. She offered to take a message."
In closing a chapter, same thing applies regarding a "hook" for the opening. Use a good hook to close out so the reader is looking forward to next chapter. On this one, i would make one small change, here: " starts the car, and drives home." change to " starts the car, and drives away."
Good job overall, my friend. :) Bob
Comment Written 17-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2020
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Thanks so much, Bob, for your helpful suggestions. They are always appreciated. I actually wrote this story in past tense originally, but felt like it was much more personal when I switched it back to present tense; but now, I guess, I had better rethink it. LOL. And yes, I do have a tendency not to spell things out as I probably should. I guess, I give the readers a little more credit than I should, like explaining Brad is looking for the paper with Leslie's number in the trash, when that's exactly what I told them in the previous line. I truly appreciate all the time you spend trying to help me improve my writing, your encouragement, and generous review. I appreciate YOU!
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Thanks my friend. It all helps Just remember the two most critical things when you are writing.
First: Never TELL a story. SHOW it
by use of one or more of the five senses. Do this with every section of the book.
Secondly: REMEMBER VERBS ARE KING (use them often and make them strong ones.
Comment from Brett Matthew West
-four-times should be four times. No hyphen needed.
-any where should be anywhere
--check-out should be check out
-waiting-line should be waiting line
--should curl be curly?
-forth should be fourth
-Seems Brad had too much to drink and has read too much into circumstances that are not quite like they appear to be
-The lovers' spat might appear to drive them apart and be the end of their relationship, but...
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2020
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-four-times should be four times. No hyphen needed.
-any where should be anywhere
--check-out should be check out
-waiting-line should be waiting line
--should curl be curly?
-forth should be fourth
-Seems Brad had too much to drink and has read too much into circumstances that are not quite like they appear to be
-The lovers' spat might appear to drive them apart and be the end of their relationship, but...
Comment Written 17-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2020
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Hello, Brett Matthews West, and thanks your your generous review, comments, and suggestions. I appreciate all the time you spend pointing out my blunders. But most of all, I appreciate your time reading my posts when you could be reading so many others. Thanks a million!
Comment from equestrik
Well, I think he made the right choice! Nicely written and well developed keeping the reader engaged. I enjoyed the story and it held my interest up to the end.
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2020
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Well, I think he made the right choice! Nicely written and well developed keeping the reader engaged. I enjoyed the story and it held my interest up to the end.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2020
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Thank you so much, Equestrik, for your kind words and generous review. This is an over-exaggerated, simile-laden, spoof of twisted context and a lot of foolishness throughout. Each part lays out a different piece of the puzzle separating the jest from reality. I appreciate you taking time to read part-3 and hope you liked it. Thanks, again!
Comment from richie b
Ric,
Your well written story has the reader wanting to
slap Brad back to his senses. Your dialogue is
convincing and carries your story.
Leslie sounds to good to be left while driving
away alone yourself.
Your story had me smiling as my daughter's name
is Leslie and her husbands name is Brad.
Peace,
Richie
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2020
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Ric,
Your well written story has the reader wanting to
slap Brad back to his senses. Your dialogue is
convincing and carries your story.
Leslie sounds to good to be left while driving
away alone yourself.
Your story had me smiling as my daughter's name
is Leslie and her husbands name is Brad.
Peace,
Richie
Comment Written 16-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2020
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Thank you so much, Richie B, for tuning in for part-3 of my goofy story. A great writer friend once told me to get out of my comfort zone if I wanted to get better. Well, this is about as far outside my comfort zone as I get. LOL. I'm already embarrassed about a couple lines to come, and nobody's even read them yet. This is one of those stories that takes every part to make all of the pieces of the puzzle to fit, for those who can tolerate it that long. But luckily, each chapter is different. I'm always happy to see your reviews, comments, and reviews. I appreciate YOU!
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Ric,
Thank you for your
reply. Looking back I too
would of handled his
situation the same way.
Richie
Comment from Ulla
Hi Ric, so the good Brad messed things up a bit didn't he? He's smitten and his jealous. Not a good combination. To his defence, though, what he saw on the dance floor could easily be misconstrued. Now on to the next chapter to see whether he's burned his bridges. I enjoy the story. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2020
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Hi Ric, so the good Brad messed things up a bit didn't he? He's smitten and his jealous. Not a good combination. To his defence, though, what he saw on the dance floor could easily be misconstrued. Now on to the next chapter to see whether he's burned his bridges. I enjoy the story. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 16-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2020
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Yes, that silly boy. You can't show your hand no matter how jealous you get, and you can't let your mind run wild and imagine things that aren't really happening the way you think. Boys or girls, and yes, we have all done it. But me of course. LOL. Thank you so much for hanging in with this long, overblown story. I hope you keep enjoying it through the very end. It only gets worse from here. And I'm already embarrassed for things I have written, and nobody's even read them
yet. Thank you so much! I appreciate YOU!
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Oh, dear! Bradley has had his ego dented and now he feels a fool and won't go back in and make up. He certainly has been having an overload of overblown imagery pummelling his mind. Why do men do that? I know women do this, but they just shed a few watery tears so that the man takes the blame, and they live happily ever after! Lol. Now to see what he does in chapter four. This was a great part, Ric, I was shaking my head at Bradly and nodding violently at Leslie. Well done, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2020
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Oh, dear! Bradley has had his ego dented and now he feels a fool and won't go back in and make up. He certainly has been having an overload of overblown imagery pummelling his mind. Why do men do that? I know women do this, but they just shed a few watery tears so that the man takes the blame, and they live happily ever after! Lol. Now to see what he does in chapter four. This was a great part, Ric, I was shaking my head at Bradly and nodding violently at Leslie. Well done, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 16-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2020
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Oh, such foolishness. Jumping to conclusions, jealousy, and imaginations gone wild. I'll never know why people say and do the things they do. Everything becomes a battle of wills, when it all could easily be avoided. LOL. Thank you so much, Sandra, for hanging in with another chapter. Your comments and opinions are very important to me. Your kind words, encouragement, and extra-special six-star review for something way outside my comfort zone makes my week! I appreciate YOU!
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You're very welcome, my friend. And you're doing very nicely for someone outside his comfort zone! xxx
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Brad messed up, but things can go wrong really fast. I do hope he finds some way to get his act together and Leslie forgives him. I can see it happening, but not sure how.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2020
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Brad messed up, but things can go wrong really fast. I do hope he finds some way to get his act together and Leslie forgives him. I can see it happening, but not sure how.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2020
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Hello, Barbara Wilkey, and thanks for stopping by to review chapter three of my silly story. I was once told by a good friend who was a very accomplished writer that the only way to improve your craft is get out of your comfort zone. Well, this is way outside my comfort zone. There are a few part that I'm already embarrassed to have written, and we haven't even gotten to those parts yet. LOL. I appreciate your review!
