Ashera
expensive marchandise14 total reviews
Comment from Jeff Watkins
The story is entertaining and well written, except for mechanics and usage.
1. "Fine" is a sentence. The rest of the sentence is understood to be there. Punctuate "fine" as a sentence.
2. "...took my gun" is vague. Suggest aimed my gun at or pointed my gun at, or drew my gun, etc,
3. the more specific term is pistol
4. "Said" is weak. Suggest ordered or some other, stronger verb
5. Laughing, ....
6. cat, one should be cats. One or cats; one
7.gun and said: The colon not used this way. Use a comma here.
I suggest you study your handbook daily for at least a few minutes.
Jeff Watkins
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The story is entertaining and well written, except for mechanics and usage.
1. "Fine" is a sentence. The rest of the sentence is understood to be there. Punctuate "fine" as a sentence.
2. "...took my gun" is vague. Suggest aimed my gun at or pointed my gun at, or drew my gun, etc,
3. the more specific term is pistol
4. "Said" is weak. Suggest ordered or some other, stronger verb
5. Laughing, ....
6. cat, one should be cats. One or cats; one
7.gun and said: The colon not used this way. Use a comma here.
I suggest you study your handbook daily for at least a few minutes.
Jeff Watkins
Comment Written 12-Aug-2020
Comment from elchupakabra
Officer, it's midnight, I am not opening the door until I see some ID.
Some minor edits required such as this but otherwise I thought this was a solid entry into the contest. Good work and best of luck. Thanks for sharing. Later daze.
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Officer, it's midnight, I am not opening the door until I see some ID.
Some minor edits required such as this but otherwise I thought this was a solid entry into the contest. Good work and best of luck. Thanks for sharing. Later daze.
Comment Written 12-Aug-2020
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written flash fiction story about the illegal trading with Ashera cats that is a very unique and special breed of cats and also have beautiful features.
Typo in description.
expensive marchandise(merchandise)
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2020
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A very well-written flash fiction story about the illegal trading with Ashera cats that is a very unique and special breed of cats and also have beautiful features.
Typo in description.
expensive marchandise(merchandise)
Comment Written 12-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2020
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Thank you so much:)
Comment from ebeta
The initial dialogue felt unnatural to me, and it pulled me out of the narrative a few times while reading.
Like when I asked myself, "Who is Miss Smith?"
I think this has potential but needs more polish.
Should this line have quotes?
Laughing I said: this is crazy, contraband with cats?
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The initial dialogue felt unnatural to me, and it pulled me out of the narrative a few times while reading.
Like when I asked myself, "Who is Miss Smith?"
I think this has potential but needs more polish.
Should this line have quotes?
Laughing I said: this is crazy, contraband with cats?
Comment Written 12-Aug-2020
Comment from Cindy Warren
I guess if there's money in it, people will traffic in anything. I can't imagine there's much of a market for 100,000 dollar cats, tho. I'm pretty happy with my tabbies. I can't imagine paying that much for a cat, even if I had it. This gave me a smile, tho. Instead of dealing drugs, they're dealing in cats!
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I guess if there's money in it, people will traffic in anything. I can't imagine there's much of a market for 100,000 dollar cats, tho. I'm pretty happy with my tabbies. I can't imagine paying that much for a cat, even if I had it. This gave me a smile, tho. Instead of dealing drugs, they're dealing in cats!
Comment Written 11-Aug-2020
Comment from royowen
Very funny, I've never heard of these particular cats, I wonder where I could find One. Well done Iza, a very clever story, and I learnt the name of a really expensive cat too, beautifully written dear girl, blessings, Roy
Typo : I work undercover on drug case(s)
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Very funny, I've never heard of these particular cats, I wonder where I could find One. Well done Iza, a very clever story, and I learnt the name of a really expensive cat too, beautifully written dear girl, blessings, Roy
Typo : I work undercover on drug case(s)
Comment Written 11-Aug-2020
Comment from RShipp
That is one expensive CAT! $100,000.00 a cat! IThat's what I needed to do in my spare time as a college grad.- bred Ashera cats.
Enjoyed.
Best of luck with the Flash Fiction Writing Contest.
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2020
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That is one expensive CAT! $100,000.00 a cat! IThat's what I needed to do in my spare time as a college grad.- bred Ashera cats.
Enjoyed.
Best of luck with the Flash Fiction Writing Contest.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2020
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I am keeping my fake Bengalis:)anytime
Comment from richie b
Iza,
A very good read. Your story is interesting and
humorous. Good story twists and clever dialogue.
I enjoyed your story. Nice writing.
Peace,
Richie
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Iza,
A very good read. Your story is interesting and
humorous. Good story twists and clever dialogue.
I enjoyed your story. Nice writing.
Peace,
Richie
Comment Written 11-Aug-2020
Comment from estory
You tell everything with this great sarcastic sense of humor. I liked how you set this up with the police officer coming in the middle of the night and making it seem like a drug bust. They need your apartment for the stake out. Of course who wants that at midnight? it really speaks of the loss of control in society, the frustration we feel when dealing with authority. And I liked the twist at the end when it turns out to be cat smuggling ring. Ha!
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You tell everything with this great sarcastic sense of humor. I liked how you set this up with the police officer coming in the middle of the night and making it seem like a drug bust. They need your apartment for the stake out. Of course who wants that at midnight? it really speaks of the loss of control in society, the frustration we feel when dealing with authority. And I liked the twist at the end when it turns out to be cat smuggling ring. Ha!
Comment Written 11-Aug-2020
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
This is a great entry for the Flash Fiction writing prompt. I was glued to it from the beginning to the end. I hope this story does well in the contest. Good luck!
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This is a great entry for the Flash Fiction writing prompt. I was glued to it from the beginning to the end. I hope this story does well in the contest. Good luck!
Comment Written 11-Aug-2020
