Another Life
Viewing comments for Prologue "Another Life"American Isekai
23 total reviews
Comment from Steven Hicks
It is difficult to look at something as short as this and develop an interest in a character. However, I could very possibly be interested in what is happening in Derrick's story. I am assuming that this isn't the actual beginning, that it is someplace in the first third of the story.
Overall well written, I would still like toileting have a little more concrete setting, and to be a little careful with point of views. But I'd continue with it.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2020
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It is difficult to look at something as short as this and develop an interest in a character. However, I could very possibly be interested in what is happening in Derrick's story. I am assuming that this isn't the actual beginning, that it is someplace in the first third of the story.
Overall well written, I would still like toileting have a little more concrete setting, and to be a little careful with point of views. But I'd continue with it.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2020
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Well, it is only a prologue, which is designed as tease and to grab your attention. If it did that, then. Mission accomplished.
Thank you.
Comment from judiverse
You leave us wondering how Derrick and his men are going to get of this situation. What a sad ending for Jeff. Even if he lives, it will be a sorry life for someone who had been such a strong and vigorous man. Was it Jeff's messing with the Afghan women that prompted the fighting? I can imagine the Afghan men would have appreciated it. Derrick has a lot of ingenuity, so he may pull his plan off. Excellent handling of the action. Derrick makes a great character. I'm ready for more! In your first paragraph, last line, I think you mean where Jeff's knees used to be. judi
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2020
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You leave us wondering how Derrick and his men are going to get of this situation. What a sad ending for Jeff. Even if he lives, it will be a sorry life for someone who had been such a strong and vigorous man. Was it Jeff's messing with the Afghan women that prompted the fighting? I can imagine the Afghan men would have appreciated it. Derrick has a lot of ingenuity, so he may pull his plan off. Excellent handling of the action. Derrick makes a great character. I'm ready for more! In your first paragraph, last line, I think you mean where Jeff's knees used to be. judi
Comment Written 10-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2020
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Thank you very much. Yes, you're right. That should be: where
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written teaser introduction to a greater story. I liked your writing but for myself I prefer to read about the good things happening to good people rather than tragedy. It is heartbreaking to read about other's awful fare.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2020
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A very well-written teaser introduction to a greater story. I liked your writing but for myself I prefer to read about the good things happening to good people rather than tragedy. It is heartbreaking to read about other's awful fare.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2020
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Thank you.
Comment from R. Hiland
Do It. I'm more a fan of military science fiction, and historical Naval fiction and this seems like straight out of Afghanistan but you've got my attention. Good character(s) clear story line--I'll have another helping, please, Sir..... Good work. RH
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2020
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Do It. I'm more a fan of military science fiction, and historical Naval fiction and this seems like straight out of Afghanistan but you've got my attention. Good character(s) clear story line--I'll have another helping, please, Sir..... Good work. RH
Comment Written 10-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2020
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Thank you very much.
Comment from RShipp
"...already lost too much blood. Even as he thought it, Derick knew the word lost wasn't entirely right. Jeff's blood wasn't lost; some was on Derrick's boots and the rest was pooled under what was left of the Sergeant's once perfect body. " Wow! I could not imagine needing to have such thoughts.
I am trying a novel myself- and 67,000 words would scare me to death?
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2020
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"...already lost too much blood. Even as he thought it, Derick knew the word lost wasn't entirely right. Jeff's blood wasn't lost; some was on Derrick's boots and the rest was pooled under what was left of the Sergeant's once perfect body. " Wow! I could not imagine needing to have such thoughts.
I am trying a novel myself- and 67,000 words would scare me to death?
Comment Written 09-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2020
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Thank you. 67k only takes about a month. It's the rewrites and editing that seem to last forever.
Comment from Mastery
I liked this story one hell of alot, Lance. Your images are perfection and the story is difficult to take the eyes off of once a person starts reading it. (To be continued? Damned right . . . in answer to your question at the end.)
I liked this passage especially well. Graphic but well written.:
"The guys in the squad often joked how women loved to lie under him and stare into those stormy greys imagining a house with a white picket fence and two point three kids as Jeff pounded away at them wondering if he should come in their face or flip them and go balls deep in their ass."
Good job, Lance. Bob
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2020
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I liked this story one hell of alot, Lance. Your images are perfection and the story is difficult to take the eyes off of once a person starts reading it. (To be continued? Damned right . . . in answer to your question at the end.)
I liked this passage especially well. Graphic but well written.:
"The guys in the squad often joked how women loved to lie under him and stare into those stormy greys imagining a house with a white picket fence and two point three kids as Jeff pounded away at them wondering if he should come in their face or flip them and go balls deep in their ass."
Good job, Lance. Bob
Comment Written 09-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2020
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Thank you very much, Bob. This was my first novel. I hope I get good advice and hard truth from the reviewers, so I can see all that I missed and make it better.
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That is all the kind of help I give. Take care.. :) Bob
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Lancellot
I read your-well written dramatic war story Yes, indeed I'm willing to read and review another 67000 words in Derick's story or fate.
Gert
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2020
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Hello Lancellot
I read your-well written dramatic war story Yes, indeed I'm willing to read and review another 67000 words in Derick's story or fate.
Gert
Comment Written 09-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2020
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Thank you very much. But, it is not quite a war story. You'll see.
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You are welcome lancellot
Gert
Comment from forestport12
So many memorable lines. You definitely leave a writing footprint. I'm glad I caught this in the beginning. Strong mid res start to the story as a hook and cliffhanger at the end. I definitely on board. I'm saving back my six for the next install. That said. The description of the lonely flare at the end was awesome metaphoric rise to their lonely predicament. Well thought....
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2020
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So many memorable lines. You definitely leave a writing footprint. I'm glad I caught this in the beginning. Strong mid res start to the story as a hook and cliffhanger at the end. I definitely on board. I'm saving back my six for the next install. That said. The description of the lonely flare at the end was awesome metaphoric rise to their lonely predicament. Well thought....
Comment Written 09-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2020
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Thank you very much. I hope the next chapter doesn't throw you too much.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I want to know Derick's fate and the rest of the story. Did the evac helicopter get there in time. Did Jeff pass out, will he get medical help in time? I have numerous questions. I really enjoyed reading. You did a good job with suspense and emotion.
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2020
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I want to know Derick's fate and the rest of the story. Did the evac helicopter get there in time. Did Jeff pass out, will he get medical help in time? I have numerous questions. I really enjoyed reading. You did a good job with suspense and emotion.
Comment Written 09-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2020
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Thank you very much.
Comment from Marjon van Bruggen
It obviously is a war-story. A violent one with lots of blood and attacking, dangers and incredible suffering. People try not to dwell on it, to pretend, in their daily life, that this part of life does not exist. More reason according to me, to make them not to forget. It does exist! And to me, it is a horrible aspect of life. Are those soldiers victims or heroes? I am inclined to believe they are all victims, the dead and the survivors.
Do you have to post the whole book, all the chapters? Up to you, of course. But, if you do, make it as true as possible, don't embellish it.
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2020
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It obviously is a war-story. A violent one with lots of blood and attacking, dangers and incredible suffering. People try not to dwell on it, to pretend, in their daily life, that this part of life does not exist. More reason according to me, to make them not to forget. It does exist! And to me, it is a horrible aspect of life. Are those soldiers victims or heroes? I am inclined to believe they are all victims, the dead and the survivors.
Do you have to post the whole book, all the chapters? Up to you, of course. But, if you do, make it as true as possible, don't embellish it.
Comment Written 09-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2020
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Thank you very much.
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Welcome!
