A Silent Cry
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Beach Musing"Development of Alzheimer's Disease.
18 total reviews
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Beach Musing
by Marjon van Bruggen
Hello, Marjon,
It must be very hard to have your husband with you but not with you. I admire you for taking such good care of your husband. It's easy to imagine how you felt at the shore with him.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2020
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Beach Musing
by Marjon van Bruggen
Hello, Marjon,
It must be very hard to have your husband with you but not with you. I admire you for taking such good care of your husband. It's easy to imagine how you felt at the shore with him.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2020
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Gypsy, thank you for this review.
Comment from Susan DuMond
So strong, so visual. My favorite image: "Your voice...don't leave it at the door" Stress so often causes a breakdown in communication, and I understand that from your poem. I, too, dread the silence. Thank you!
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2020
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So strong, so visual. My favorite image: "Your voice...don't leave it at the door" Stress so often causes a breakdown in communication, and I understand that from your poem. I, too, dread the silence. Thank you!
Comment Written 06-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2020
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Susan, thank you for the review.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Your poignant words show the effect you are caregiver experienced as your husband's health declined, Marjon. I could 'see' you and your husband in your words surviving day to day not knowing what to expect except to expect the unknown. I'm glad to know there were fleeting times for you to go to the beach.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2020
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Your poignant words show the effect you are caregiver experienced as your husband's health declined, Marjon. I could 'see' you and your husband in your words surviving day to day not knowing what to expect except to expect the unknown. I'm glad to know there were fleeting times for you to go to the beach.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 06-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2020
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Thanks, Jan. I appreciate your review.
Comment from Y. M. Roger
A very melancholic reflection in free verse, Marjon -- your words allude enough to the loss that the reader can feel it too while also wandering in their own such reflections... good job. Thanx for sharing! ;)
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2020
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A very melancholic reflection in free verse, Marjon -- your words allude enough to the loss that the reader can feel it too while also wandering in their own such reflections... good job. Thanx for sharing! ;)
Comment Written 06-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2020
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Yvette, thanks for the review.
Comment from amada
"normal things they happen day to day..." I thing this line is so beautiful, such a tone of down melancholy, so pleasant to the ears and to the heart. Your beach descriptions are great.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2020
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"normal things they happen day to day..." I thing this line is so beautiful, such a tone of down melancholy, so pleasant to the ears and to the heart. Your beach descriptions are great.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2020
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Thanks, Amada, for the review!
Comment from estory
'Silence works on my body until I stop thinking.' Wow. That's a picture of despair. Of helplessness in the face of overwhelming realities in the forces of nature beyond our control. There's also this great sense of personal grief here, in this great honest voice coming up from your soul. You ask this point blank question: 'Will you leave soon?' A question without an answer. That feeling of being separated from someone you love and with whom you've spent so much of your life really comes through there. I also liked the opening: 'Consistency of sand between my toes; On the highest boughs, a bird perched, ready for flight' a super image speaking of this impending seperation; you rooted to the world and life, your husband ready to fly to the next world. You are keyed and pitched, my friend. estory
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2020
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'Silence works on my body until I stop thinking.' Wow. That's a picture of despair. Of helplessness in the face of overwhelming realities in the forces of nature beyond our control. There's also this great sense of personal grief here, in this great honest voice coming up from your soul. You ask this point blank question: 'Will you leave soon?' A question without an answer. That feeling of being separated from someone you love and with whom you've spent so much of your life really comes through there. I also liked the opening: 'Consistency of sand between my toes; On the highest boughs, a bird perched, ready for flight' a super image speaking of this impending seperation; you rooted to the world and life, your husband ready to fly to the next world. You are keyed and pitched, my friend. estory
Comment Written 06-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2020
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Estory, I am so glad you are one of my fans! You keep on filling me with pride and courage. I know this one was a good poem; it was earlier posted as "Alone" and as such it has been already been published in an anthology and it won an honorable 4th place in a contest of 564 participants! Because I cannot repeat a poem in FS, I gave it another title and added quite a lot text to the original one.
I am very happy you liked it. Thanks for the review and the always so appreciated 6 stars!
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You've spent a lifetime working hard on this art of articulating the human experience. I can tell. estory
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Oh, Estory! I have been looking and working for years and years to find my proper writer's style. A recognizable one. I have studied and tried, sweated and cried. I think I found a way now, readers can say: "That is typical Marjon" It is mostly free verse, although I can write good rhyming poetry as well, but it costs me a lot more, and I am always afraid it comes out forced and unnatural.
I appreciate your comment here. It shows me that I have achieved something. Thank you.
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Yes it takes years to find your voice. I worked through emulating poets like Heaney, Yeats, Levertov and Anderson slowly developing a more personal style. Lots of rewriting. I write like a sculptor sculpts. Layer by layer is removed to reveal the statue. estory
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I have a rather large bookcase overflowing with poetry of all kind and of all ages. I like your example of a sculptor, revealing layer after layer what actually is there, underneath it all.
Comment from Sally Law
A introspective poem telling of loss and suffering. I'm sorry for your difficult year. I had four years caring for my mother-in-law. We had some sweet times in it all and those sustained me. I agree, the beach is healing.
{Some improvements for your consideration.}
-You have squirrelly characters that need your attention. For whatever reason, apostrophes do this within a text. Easily fixable in edit mode.
-You also have an underscore dash where there should be a long dash. (--long dash) ( __ underscore).
I hope this is helpful. :)
Sending you my best today as always,
Sal XOs.....
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reply by the author on 06-Aug-2020
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A introspective poem telling of loss and suffering. I'm sorry for your difficult year. I had four years caring for my mother-in-law. We had some sweet times in it all and those sustained me. I agree, the beach is healing.
{Some improvements for your consideration.}
-You have squirrelly characters that need your attention. For whatever reason, apostrophes do this within a text. Easily fixable in edit mode.
-You also have an underscore dash where there should be a long dash. (--long dash) ( __ underscore).
I hope this is helpful. :)
Sending you my best today as always,
Sal XOs.....
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2020
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Sally. thank you very much for your review and comments. It helps!
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My pleasure! XOs.....
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Thanks again! I have repaired all the imperfections.
Comment from elchupakabra
I'm not sure if you're trying to use special characters but there are several computer typos in the piece. If I disregard those, I still enjoyed the work. Thanks for sharing, later daze.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2020
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I'm not sure if you're trying to use special characters but there are several computer typos in the piece. If I disregard those, I still enjoyed the work. Thanks for sharing, later daze.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2020
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Thank you for the review. The repair work has been done!
