Comment from Ulla

Excellent

Hi estory, this is a poem I can so identify with. Having spent so much of my life on and sea and near it, I can so sympathise with what your are saying in this wonderful poem. All best. Ulla:)))

 Comment Written 06-Aug-2020

---

reply by the author on 07-Aug-2020

Thanks so much for the excellent review and for your wonderful comments supporting this poem. I am glad you found it captured that sense of the sea. Now that i live about 125 miles from the Atlantic, I miss it much....estory

Comment from royowen

Excellent

I really can't remember being in the Womb, nor the experience of birth itself. I wish I could, and like you say it must have the familiarity of a haven. But yes, the sound of water's movement have always been a source of both comfort and peace. A great metaphor and source of poetic inspiration. Beautifully written in articulate couplets, well done, blessings Roy

 Comment Written 06-Aug-2020

---

reply by the author on 07-Aug-2020

Thanks so much for the excellent review and for your perspective on the poem. This is all surreal and subconscious...I have heard of people who were hypnotised you could remember being born. So I think it is deep in our soul. estory

reply by royowen on 07-Aug-2020

I think you?re right.

Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.

Excellent

Your poem is unique and creative. I have always loved the sound of waves on the shore, but I have never considered them with the sound of a mother's breathing for a baby in the womb. Very interesting!

 Comment Written 04-Aug-2020

---

reply by the author on 04-Aug-2020

Thanks so much for the excellent review and for your support of the poem. It's really been a long effort of mine to try and capture this sense of the sea as a metaphor for the womb and creation. If you think about it, I believe you will see hear that breathing in the waves coming ashore. So much of our sense of peace is formed , I think, in our experience in the womb. estory

reply by thaities, Rebecca V. on 04-Aug-2020

Yes, I think so too.

Comment from Dolly'sPoems

Excellent

These sounds are evidently comforting to babies and when recreated outside the womb can send then to sleep. As adults we need far more complex sounds to amuse us, a dreamy write, love Dolly x

 Comment Written 04-Aug-2020

---

reply by the author on 04-Aug-2020

Thanks so much for the excellent reiview and for your encouraging remarks and perspective on the poem. I really believe much of our sense of peace and calm comes from the womb. Complex sounds might amuse us, but this emulation of our mother's breathing and heartbeat is what calms us. estory

Comment from rama devi

Exceptional

I LOVE THIS and how it SOUNDS like the waves, especially these two lines:

The ancient sea breaks on the land
in waves that whisper over the sand


You might even consider making those two lines a refrain repeated a couple of times, like waves moving in and out.

Eloquent, exquisite free verse flow and voicing. Wonderful to read aloud both for cadence and phonics in phrasing, subtly woven, as usual from your pen.


I also love this concept of the waves echoing in the womb:

Echoing your mother's sacred breathing
and taking you back to the beginning

Lovely.

Warm Smiles,
rd

 Comment Written 03-Aug-2020

---

reply by the author on 04-Aug-2020

Thanks again so much for reading and reviewing my little poem. I hope you catch the rest of the series. Venus will be next, and then a part on place and time, and finally, one about adventure out on the sea. estory

reply by rama devi on 04-Aug-2020

Hope to. I review intermittently...

Warmly, rd

Comment from roof35

Excellent

This poem has a lot to say and I agree with you about the waves. Outer Banks are the perfect example. This is nicely written. I especially like, "And taking you back to the beginning."

 Comment Written 03-Aug-2020

---

reply by the author on 04-Aug-2020

Thanks so much for the excellent review and for your support. I am glad you enjoyed it and found it so peaceful. estory

Comment from elchupakabra

Excellent

I do find the piece a bit challenging because at the beginning you are following a rhyme scheme but you give up on it before reaching the end of the piece. I still liked it in spite of this. Good work and thanks for sharing. Later daze.

 Comment Written 03-Aug-2020

---

reply by the author on 04-Aug-2020

Thanks for the excellent review and for your perspective on the poem. The echoing effects in the couplets are not exact rhymes but the echoes are still there; I like more subtle effects in my poetry.Hence Born-Womb beat-sleep life-light horizon-open air-star and form=ocean. n and m are similiar , the 'EE' and 'eye' sound provide the links, n and n and the 'r's, the m and n again. Its an off rhyme method really developed by Seamus Heaney. Overall I wanted to capture that sense of waves washing in couplets estory

reply by elchupakabra on 04-Aug-2020

If the whole piece was like that I would not have even mentioned it, it was perhaps then the first rhymes that were so exact that set the tone that the rest I found somewhat jarring but again it was a very minor detail I still very much liked it :) Thanks for responding and helping to shed light on the background though I actually enjoy learning more that way :)

reply by the author on 04-Aug-2020

The last one I posted is pretty much the same thing except in quatrains instead of couplets. estory

Comment from LisaMay

Excellent

I love the gentle rhythm of your poem, and how it links the ancient, the sacred, and the contemporary, with hopeful children.
As we all originated from water I perfectly accept that our heartbeats carry memories of a breathing mother.

 Comment Written 03-Aug-2020

---

reply by the author on 04-Aug-2020

Thanks so much for the excellent review and for your wonderful comments supporting the poem. I am glad that people seem to hear that breathing in the sea in this poem. I have been trying to capture that sense for many years in my poetry. The experience of the womb is such a big part of our subconscious, i think. It is in many ways, a sacred time. estory

reply by LisaMay on 04-Aug-2020

I think the womb is sacred too. I have to get my sacred feeling from the ocean itself as I was adopted and did not know my mother. I am also childless, so have missed out on physical mothering... but I do have a strong sense of my ancient Mother in Nature.

Comment from amada

Excellent

I loved this poem about the waves of the sea...They are enchanting, like a soft lullaby. I love the sea and the way it refreshes my soul. You wrote a great work in here. Best to yhou.

 Comment Written 03-Aug-2020

---

reply by the author on 04-Aug-2020

Thanks so much for the excellent review and for your wonderful encouraging remarks supporting the poem. I am glad you enjoyed it so much and found it so peaceful and inspiring. estory

Comment from Marjon van Bruggen

Exceptional

This is a reflective poem, ful of inward images and fantasies. Beautifully done and the rhyme and rhythm indeed resemble the sounds and movements of rolling waves, in and out, like breathing. The somewhat echoing and hoarse sound, yes, that is what an unborn baby might hear in the womb.
The sea...oh yes, it influences our lives. We seek it to find peace and calmness into our often hectic day-to-day hurries and stress. Going (unconsciously) back to the safety of the womb? I don't know, I never thought of that, but it is possible.
I loved your poem, I drifted with it to sounds of reliable waves.
Thank you, Estory!

 Comment Written 03-Aug-2020

---

reply by the author on 04-Aug-2020

Thanks again for the six star review and for your perspective on the poem. So much of our subconscious is formed in that time in the womb, I believe. We spend the rest of our lives cocking our ears for that breathing and heartbeat, and when we hear it we are transfixed. it is so relaxing, so calming and peaceful for us. estory

reply by Marjon van Bruggen on 04-Aug-2020

It sure is. Welcome to the review, Estory.

reply by Marjon van Bruggen on 05-Aug-2020

I love walks on the shoreline of the sea. Especially rather early in the morning of late afternoon, when most of the tourists are still asleep in their hotels or in the evening, when they have left already for their evening dinner. The quietness and the sound of the accountable waves, the retraction of the water over my bare feet,.....kind of magical.