Time Paused Today
A Rondaful65 total reviews
Comment from Debra White
Hello Tony :)
What a beautiful poem.
The imagery is so clear and the feeling of sadness and resignation is almost tangible.
This is the second Rondaful I have read today - I like the form a lot!
Best wishes as always, Debra :)
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2020
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Hello Tony :)
What a beautiful poem.
The imagery is so clear and the feeling of sadness and resignation is almost tangible.
This is the second Rondaful I have read today - I like the form a lot!
Best wishes as always, Debra :)
Comment Written 02-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2020
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Thanks very much for your review and kind comments, Debra. Much appreciated. All good wishes, Tony
Comment from Pantygynt
And an added internal rhyme in line six! This is lovely and excellent variant on Dolly's theme and beautifully expressed into the bargain. It is so poignant that it is easy to read all that bird stood for -- last year.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2020
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And an added internal rhyme in line six! This is lovely and excellent variant on Dolly's theme and beautifully expressed into the bargain. It is so poignant that it is easy to read all that bird stood for -- last year.
Comment Written 02-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2020
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Many thanks for your supportive review, Jim, and the sixth star. Much appreciated. It's strange the way small things can bring back past events. Dolly's form works well in bringing out the echoes of memory. All good wishes, Tony
Comment from Mrs. KT
Good Morning, Tony!
What a moving poetic offering. On countless occasions, I am moved by the subtleties of nature and how I am suddenly brought back to a moment in time as I observe the beauty/activities around me. For instance, we have a nest of purple finches who have nidificated in a wreath I made for our front door. As I gazed upon the entire scene this morning, I thought of how fortunate they are to be carrying on their lives - totally oblivious to the chaos that surrounds them in the human world. Your Rondaful is exemplary, and resonated deeply with me.
Thank you for sharing!
diane
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2020
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Good Morning, Tony!
What a moving poetic offering. On countless occasions, I am moved by the subtleties of nature and how I am suddenly brought back to a moment in time as I observe the beauty/activities around me. For instance, we have a nest of purple finches who have nidificated in a wreath I made for our front door. As I gazed upon the entire scene this morning, I thought of how fortunate they are to be carrying on their lives - totally oblivious to the chaos that surrounds them in the human world. Your Rondaful is exemplary, and resonated deeply with me.
Thank you for sharing!
diane
Comment Written 02-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2020
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Many thanks for your supportive review, Diane. Much appreciated. Nature has much to teach us about living. All good wishes, Tony
Comment from Louise Michelle
Oh, this is so sad. But it's certainly written most poetically. The words 'time paused' exactly describe what happens when we get caught up in a memory. It's often so vivid in our mind that we lose touch, if only briefly, of our surroundings. Hugs, Lou
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2020
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Oh, this is so sad. But it's certainly written most poetically. The words 'time paused' exactly describe what happens when we get caught up in a memory. It's often so vivid in our mind that we lose touch, if only briefly, of our surroundings. Hugs, Lou
Comment Written 02-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2020
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Thanks very much for your review and empathetic comments, Lou. Much appreciated. All good wishes, Tony
Comment from elchupakabra
Buttand! Andbutt! Lol one of my personal pet peeves in writing is several lines starting with and or but, but otherwise I like this piece and I thought it was well written. Good work and thanks for sharing. Later daze.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2020
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Buttand! Andbutt! Lol one of my personal pet peeves in writing is several lines starting with and or but, but otherwise I like this piece and I thought it was well written. Good work and thanks for sharing. Later daze.
Comment Written 02-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2020
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Thanks very much for your review and comments, Elchupakabra. Much appreciated. I agree with you that these are weak beginnings. I'll have another look and see if I can improve on them. All good wishes, Tony
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Thank you again for the nomination :) Have a great day :)
Comment from Kermit R. Mullins
This is not about me, but I must bring this to mind. I read your poem and thought about a line in a poem I wrote, "I will be back as often as your memory." You have captured that very thought. It could be sparked by a bird, a shower of rain or just a simple thought. Best regards.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2020
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This is not about me, but I must bring this to mind. I read your poem and thought about a line in a poem I wrote, "I will be back as often as your memory." You have captured that very thought. It could be sparked by a bird, a shower of rain or just a simple thought. Best regards.
Comment Written 02-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2020
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Thanks very much for your review and interesting feedback about your own poem, Kermit. Much appreciated. All good wishes, Tony
Comment from pome lover
That is a lovely poem.
I like how the sound of "roof" in the second line, second verse, ties in with the sound in "youth," in the first verse. And even though "truth" does rhyme with "youth", You didn't need it for the sound effect, (IMO) though I know you did, for the meaning of the poem. And (Pantygynt's) "by" and "sigh" is nice, too.
I have read it several times, however, trying to understand your meaning. I don't know whether the bird represented someone who died, or represented youth? Or maybe I missed the point entirely.
At any rate, it's a pretty poem. (Rondaful)
Pome lover
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2020
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That is a lovely poem.
I like how the sound of "roof" in the second line, second verse, ties in with the sound in "youth," in the first verse. And even though "truth" does rhyme with "youth", You didn't need it for the sound effect, (IMO) though I know you did, for the meaning of the poem. And (Pantygynt's) "by" and "sigh" is nice, too.
I have read it several times, however, trying to understand your meaning. I don't know whether the bird represented someone who died, or represented youth? Or maybe I missed the point entirely.
At any rate, it's a pretty poem. (Rondaful)
Pome lover
Comment Written 02-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2020
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Many thanks for your supportive review, Pome lover, and for your comments about the structure. The wording was deliberately open-ended. Some have taken it to be about the death of a loved one, some about a broken relationship, and some about birds in the Spring. Much appreciated. All good wishes, Tony
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well, aren't you the sly one.
Everybody could be right. :)
Comment from lightink
Tony, I'm so pleased to see you posting again!
Wow, Dolly seem to have inspired some of you and I'm very happy to read these pieces.
I saw that you also implemented Gynt's twist, the extra inner rhyme, which I found a really good touch.
In your poem the external world and then internal word of the person is deeply intertwined - together they create a skilfully composed arc - that goes from enjoying spring to remembering the beloved who left. Also, I appreciate the emotional response: turning quickly away from the difficult feelings.
Let me go through the poem:
"Time paused today' - I love the sense of contemplation here that adds an extra mood element to the enjoyment of upcoming lines:
" while I inhaled the spring
And captured in my eye the bloom of youth,'
"Bloom of youth' - I like how it echos the pause of time, yet
creates absence of transiency.
"But, as my memory of you took wing,
a bird flew by' - wonderful bird reference within and without.
"and, with a sigh, I watched it disappear
beneath our roof. This small domestic truth
eclipsed the sun. ' - after the small bird and bloom, the Sun lands an element of intensity to the feelings - while eclipse is also a kind of ' turning away' (another nature echo)
And then you explain the reason for these emotions:
"That bird was you, last year.
I turned away."
The last couplet has a sense of emptiness, which is a great way of showing the repressed feelings.
Another gem! Saturated yet subtle!
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2020
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Tony, I'm so pleased to see you posting again!
Wow, Dolly seem to have inspired some of you and I'm very happy to read these pieces.
I saw that you also implemented Gynt's twist, the extra inner rhyme, which I found a really good touch.
In your poem the external world and then internal word of the person is deeply intertwined - together they create a skilfully composed arc - that goes from enjoying spring to remembering the beloved who left. Also, I appreciate the emotional response: turning quickly away from the difficult feelings.
Let me go through the poem:
"Time paused today' - I love the sense of contemplation here that adds an extra mood element to the enjoyment of upcoming lines:
" while I inhaled the spring
And captured in my eye the bloom of youth,'
"Bloom of youth' - I like how it echos the pause of time, yet
creates absence of transiency.
"But, as my memory of you took wing,
a bird flew by' - wonderful bird reference within and without.
"and, with a sigh, I watched it disappear
beneath our roof. This small domestic truth
eclipsed the sun. ' - after the small bird and bloom, the Sun lands an element of intensity to the feelings - while eclipse is also a kind of ' turning away' (another nature echo)
And then you explain the reason for these emotions:
"That bird was you, last year.
I turned away."
The last couplet has a sense of emptiness, which is a great way of showing the repressed feelings.
Another gem! Saturated yet subtle!
Comment Written 02-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2020
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Wow! Amazing review and analysis. Much appreciated! Six stars, too. I shall dream good thoughts tonight! All the best, Tony
Comment from Mistydawn
What a sad, heartbreaking poem. The loss of your love. Your great word choice, description, paint a vivid picture in the reader's mind. Lets us feel your heartache, your sorrow. Nicely done
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2020
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What a sad, heartbreaking poem. The loss of your love. Your great word choice, description, paint a vivid picture in the reader's mind. Lets us feel your heartache, your sorrow. Nicely done
Comment Written 02-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2020
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Thank you, Dawn. I appreciate your review and comments about the emotional impact of the poem. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Wistful and elegant--breathtaking imagery--time paused--inhaled the spring--clever play on bird flying and memory taking wing. Cheers. LIZ (At risk of once again revealing my literal-minded density--I'll venture to ask if domestic truth ... last year refers to the death of...?)
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2020
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Wistful and elegant--breathtaking imagery--time paused--inhaled the spring--clever play on bird flying and memory taking wing. Cheers. LIZ (At risk of once again revealing my literal-minded density--I'll venture to ask if domestic truth ... last year refers to the death of...?)
Comment Written 02-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2020
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Thanks, Liz, for your review and kind words. Yes, death would be one possible interpretation.
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As long as it wasn't your literal wife!
