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Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "The Nightmare"With their call stalled, Liz & Linda begin walking
12 total reviews
Comment from Judy Lawless
Liz, this is an interesting chapter, but I did find it a little hard to follow, until the last bit. You've included some good information about stalactites and stalagmites, as an aside. It continues to be an interesting story.
I found one writing error - a phrase repeated: "Who would want to be want to be the poor..
reply by the author on 24-May-2021
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Liz, this is an interesting chapter, but I did find it a little hard to follow, until the last bit. You've included some good information about stalactites and stalagmites, as an aside. It continues to be an interesting story.
I found one writing error - a phrase repeated: "Who would want to be want to be the poor..
Comment Written 24-May-2021
reply by the author on 24-May-2021
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Thank you for your review and your loyalty.
Comment from AJ McCall
Ah, the last two paragraphs were my favorites, especially that last line. What I hoped was real life, was a dream, and what I thought was a nightmare is real..."
At first when I started reading the second part I thought she'd been reading a book on everything that had happened! This one definitely is very interesting and I'll be looking forward to the next one.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2020
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Ah, the last two paragraphs were my favorites, especially that last line. What I hoped was real life, was a dream, and what I thought was a nightmare is real..."
At first when I started reading the second part I thought she'd been reading a book on everything that had happened! This one definitely is very interesting and I'll be looking forward to the next one.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2020
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Thank you for your involved review. I am glad you are enjoying it and that you confirm how my description did what I wanted it to do.
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You're welcome! I'm glad to be one of your readers!
Comment from Roberta Lawrinsky
Hi Liz O'Neill--
Overall, your story concept is great, the character's names are unique, the adventure is on. AND you can handle a large cast of characters.
I'm not the best visualizer, so maybe an illustration of the climb-down will help readers such as myself. I love the impressionistic illustration you've chosen.
SUGGESTIONS:
For 'Contrary to what the general public believes' consider deleting that entirely & instead try 'she smiled quietly to herself, thinking, there is light at the end of the proverbial tunnel!' as a seamless way to make the same point.
For 'the echos & reverberations of pain, held within each girl, was deeply sensed in the chanting & praying'(a VERY insightful sentence, by the way !) try '...was transformed into chanting & praying'
The section on stalagmites & stalactites can be cut a bit--for the sake of maintaining a page-turner story that's not a geology lesson
'safely gotten them to this point' versus 'gotten them safely to this point'??
Overall, an intriguing page turner of a story.
sincerely,
roberta
Forgive me, these are all mere suggestions.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2020
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Hi Liz O'Neill--
Overall, your story concept is great, the character's names are unique, the adventure is on. AND you can handle a large cast of characters.
I'm not the best visualizer, so maybe an illustration of the climb-down will help readers such as myself. I love the impressionistic illustration you've chosen.
SUGGESTIONS:
For 'Contrary to what the general public believes' consider deleting that entirely & instead try 'she smiled quietly to herself, thinking, there is light at the end of the proverbial tunnel!' as a seamless way to make the same point.
For 'the echos & reverberations of pain, held within each girl, was deeply sensed in the chanting & praying'(a VERY insightful sentence, by the way !) try '...was transformed into chanting & praying'
The section on stalagmites & stalactites can be cut a bit--for the sake of maintaining a page-turner story that's not a geology lesson
'safely gotten them to this point' versus 'gotten them safely to this point'??
Overall, an intriguing page turner of a story.
sincerely,
roberta
Forgive me, these are all mere suggestions.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2020
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Thank you for your supportive review. Those are some good suggestions. It's good to know how it comes across.
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thank you
Comment from Marjon van Bruggen
Oh, those insecure moments between sleeping and waking! The dark cave and the narrow passage they all had to go through is enough to provoke nightmares. But then dreaming of a nice, warm and peaceful ride in the car, then waking up and finding yourself in the middle of a reality-nightmare... brrrr.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2020
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Oh, those insecure moments between sleeping and waking! The dark cave and the narrow passage they all had to go through is enough to provoke nightmares. But then dreaming of a nice, warm and peaceful ride in the car, then waking up and finding yourself in the middle of a reality-nightmare... brrrr.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2020
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Thank you for your supportive review. I'm glad you enjoyed it and it has the impact I hope for.
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Welcome. Big smiles.
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Wow! Now that was a bit of a disorienting 'in and out' of reality ... or 'dream within a dream' sequence! ;) :) Way to keep the reader on their toes even though they are still in the nightmare of reality! ;) Thanx for sharing, Liz! ;) Yvette
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2020
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Wow! Now that was a bit of a disorienting 'in and out' of reality ... or 'dream within a dream' sequence! ;) :) Way to keep the reader on their toes even though they are still in the nightmare of reality! ;) Thanx for sharing, Liz! ;) Yvette
Comment Written 06-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2020
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Thank you for your supportive review. I'm glad you enjoyed it and it has the impact I hope for.
Comment from Ben B.
Why did I read all of this before bed...?
Throwing narcolepsy in the story is rather ingenious, it is a rather frightening condition. Check over your punctuation marks, you missed and misplaced a few.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2020
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Why did I read all of this before bed...?
Throwing narcolepsy in the story is rather ingenious, it is a rather frightening condition. Check over your punctuation marks, you missed and misplaced a few.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2020
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Thank you for your supportive review. I'm glad you enjoyed it and it has the impact I hope for.
Comment from Bill Pinder
You did a good job with your fictional story about rescuing abducted young women. I like how you included the details of their dangerous escape and how they express their anxiety. Thanks for your interest in this terrible problem. Bill
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2020
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You did a good job with your fictional story about rescuing abducted young women. I like how you included the details of their dangerous escape and how they express their anxiety. Thanks for your interest in this terrible problem. Bill
Comment Written 05-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2020
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Thank you for your supportive review. This has been a focus for me for many years. It began with my work as an advocate for abducted or domestic abuse victims. I've become aware of the basically neglected epidemic murders and disappearance of Native American women and teens.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
I like the description of the cave and the little glimpse of native American history. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your next chapter and your writings.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2020
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I like the description of the cave and the little glimpse of native American history. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your next chapter and your writings.
Comment Written 03-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2020
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Thank you for your suportive review. I'm glad you are enjoying it.
Comment from aryr
A great job with this chapter of continuation, Liz. It is difficult to have to be the deciding one, the one who choose the pattern and that particular one was Spring Blossom. Alphabetical it was. Then there came the dream pattern of Liz, so vivid, so real yet just a dream. Did you know that dreams were really windows to our soul? This was well done.
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2020
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A great job with this chapter of continuation, Liz. It is difficult to have to be the deciding one, the one who choose the pattern and that particular one was Spring Blossom. Alphabetical it was. Then there came the dream pattern of Liz, so vivid, so real yet just a dream. Did you know that dreams were really windows to our soul? This was well done.
Comment Written 02-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2020
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Thank you for your interested involved review. I love dreams/ They are as you say, "windows to the soul. Update on Anne, she's now trying to get into this site. Things are slowly unfolding for her. She's been writng about Mugs longhand, til she gets her computer back. Her son is working on it at the other end of Austalia. I told her you sent your best her way.
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You are so welcome Liz, I am so glad you knew about dreams. Oh I am so glad that Anne is okay, darn computers, she has had her problems.
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You are so welcome Liz, I am so glad you knew about dreams. Oh I am so glad that Anne is okay, darn computers, she has had her problems.
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I'm actually reading Sun Bear's book about dreaming with animals.
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Good for you. I have several reference books I use in my business.
Comment from Mistydawn
What a chapter. The beginning is so suspenseful and the second part made me think this was only a dream. Just when I was accepting that concept I find out it wasn't at all. Your story is very well-written, interesting start to finish. I love your twist in the middle. I did find one thing you might want to look at, waiting on her deck?
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2020
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What a chapter. The beginning is so suspenseful and the second part made me think this was only a dream. Just when I was accepting that concept I find out it wasn't at all. Your story is very well-written, interesting start to finish. I love your twist in the middle. I did find one thing you might want to look at, waiting on her deck?
Comment Written 02-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2020
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Thank you for your enthusiastic helpful review. I always enjoy your reactions. I'm glad my dream through you off. A deck is a raised porch in Vermont. Should I clarify it?
