O My God and Mother Nature!
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Spring"Appreciation of God and Mother Nature
157 total reviews
Comment from MelissaBickel
This speaks well of the seasons. Spring does bring about a newness. New life sprouts in the Spring and the sun does warm us for the dark of Winter.
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This speaks well of the seasons. Spring does bring about a newness. New life sprouts in the Spring and the sun does warm us for the dark of Winter.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2013
Comment from trailblazer101
Let new sun
grow lights, shine hopes,
I could use some of this this AM when it's -30C.
I know you're completing an allegory though and the few words do send the message you desired.
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Let new sun
grow lights, shine hopes,
I could use some of this this AM when it's -30C.
I know you're completing an allegory though and the few words do send the message you desired.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2013
Comment from Treischel
That invitation for Spring to come and chase away the dark and dreary is strongly put in this 5-7-5 formatted poem. Grow, shine, glow: the quintessential elements.
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That invitation for Spring to come and chase away the dark and dreary is strongly put in this 5-7-5 formatted poem. Grow, shine, glow: the quintessential elements.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2013
Comment from closetpoetjester
Hmm, back again I see, with yet another humdinger.
Firstly you're a bit quick to be turfing Spring out the door and in the same breath your telling the Sun to grow lights? WTF? The Sun IS light...or is God the only light? Seriously Mr Almighty, your handle on this format needs a lotta work however work at it and perhaps refrain from putting your spin on the form before you've actually mastered it. The 5-7-5 form is NOT set out like this that I've ever seen and if you want to forge new frontiers with an existing form you'd wanna be pretty convincing in these parts. I don't believe I've ever seen broken up like this with the satire line and part of the second line mixed up liked soup, so to be honest you've spoilt it. You may aswell have just attempted a short free verse or quotation for this rather than insult a form many here enjoy and strive hard to acheive with some form of relevance and understanding.
Might I suggest you replace the word "Dark" with "Crap" and then take on board what it's actually saying.
ie "Must crap go" maybe a question mark at the end (?) if set out that way. I'm sure then many would agree. Either that or reverse it back to proper context which in essence still means the same thing. "crap must go" See? THIS actually makes some sense and I was hardly trying.
Another thing, Your authors notes are hazy at best, "modal" or not. Authors notes actually clarify what you can't explain in your poem...you need another set of authors notes to explain your authors notes. Look, try and improve your work, thats why we're here isn't it? What your doing on this site is potentially wasting your money and having every second review rate you a three.
Are you here to improve or try and gain some kind of cult status? Whoops, sorry...I think I just answered my owned question.
You don't seem to have much intention of answering ANY reviews with a courteous THANKYOU or I APPRECIATE THE HELP and CONSTRUCTIVE CRITIQUE or to even clarify or justify anything you've said.
What a pity...I guess when you assume the top seven positions on the top page you have NO time to answer precious reviews.
Good luck IMPROVING your writing. I have nothing against any religious writes that make sense and have some form of clarity. If anyone else here wrote ANY content like this, I'd be telling them also to take a most serious look at what it actually is they are trying to achieve.
Cheers
PS Thanks for the buck fifty two. Go the Money Train!!!
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Hmm, back again I see, with yet another humdinger.
Firstly you're a bit quick to be turfing Spring out the door and in the same breath your telling the Sun to grow lights? WTF? The Sun IS light...or is God the only light? Seriously Mr Almighty, your handle on this format needs a lotta work however work at it and perhaps refrain from putting your spin on the form before you've actually mastered it. The 5-7-5 form is NOT set out like this that I've ever seen and if you want to forge new frontiers with an existing form you'd wanna be pretty convincing in these parts. I don't believe I've ever seen broken up like this with the satire line and part of the second line mixed up liked soup, so to be honest you've spoilt it. You may aswell have just attempted a short free verse or quotation for this rather than insult a form many here enjoy and strive hard to acheive with some form of relevance and understanding.
Might I suggest you replace the word "Dark" with "Crap" and then take on board what it's actually saying.
ie "Must crap go" maybe a question mark at the end (?) if set out that way. I'm sure then many would agree. Either that or reverse it back to proper context which in essence still means the same thing. "crap must go" See? THIS actually makes some sense and I was hardly trying.
Another thing, Your authors notes are hazy at best, "modal" or not. Authors notes actually clarify what you can't explain in your poem...you need another set of authors notes to explain your authors notes. Look, try and improve your work, thats why we're here isn't it? What your doing on this site is potentially wasting your money and having every second review rate you a three.
Are you here to improve or try and gain some kind of cult status? Whoops, sorry...I think I just answered my owned question.
You don't seem to have much intention of answering ANY reviews with a courteous THANKYOU or I APPRECIATE THE HELP and CONSTRUCTIVE CRITIQUE or to even clarify or justify anything you've said.
What a pity...I guess when you assume the top seven positions on the top page you have NO time to answer precious reviews.
Good luck IMPROVING your writing. I have nothing against any religious writes that make sense and have some form of clarity. If anyone else here wrote ANY content like this, I'd be telling them also to take a most serious look at what it actually is they are trying to achieve.
Cheers
PS Thanks for the buck fifty two. Go the Money Train!!!
Comment Written 20-Mar-2013
Comment from Melspoems
I like the message in this, wanting to say goodbye to darkness as you say goodbye to spring, to make way for good things.
For me though each line is too not complete for it to be a 5-7-5,
It is as if you have taken a sentence and divided it into 3 lines with syllables of 5-7-5 but each line doesn't finish at a good place.
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I like the message in this, wanting to say goodbye to darkness as you say goodbye to spring, to make way for good things.
For me though each line is too not complete for it to be a 5-7-5,
It is as if you have taken a sentence and divided it into 3 lines with syllables of 5-7-5 but each line doesn't finish at a good place.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2013
Comment from CR Delport
A lovely poem that's well written and well delivered. Lovely art work do go with the poem. Spring must be my favourite season when everything comes to life again.
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A lovely poem that's well written and well delivered. Lovely art work do go with the poem. Spring must be my favourite season when everything comes to life again.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2013
Comment from MidnightWriter4U
First I must say that the artwork is gorgeous! After reading this work, I am left with the thoughts of how wisdom comes only when the darkness leaves the mind as one opens their eyes to the light of the sun (Son). This brings a new Spring of hope and life through rebirth of the soul. Enjoyed!
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First I must say that the artwork is gorgeous! After reading this work, I am left with the thoughts of how wisdom comes only when the darkness leaves the mind as one opens their eyes to the light of the sun (Son). This brings a new Spring of hope and life through rebirth of the soul. Enjoyed!
Comment Written 20-Mar-2013
Comment from whispersofthesoul
Hiya,
Firstly you cannot link the sun to spring, it's the same as linking the sun with autum, sun with summer, sun with winter-yes the sun is in a different orbit of the earth which influences the sun eg the sun is low in the winter time. You need to make a clear distinction of the the place in the orbit.
Second you are making a contradiction, you are questioning why the dark must go in line 3, yet in line 1 you are saying let the new sun grow
This piece does sit right
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Hiya,
Firstly you cannot link the sun to spring, it's the same as linking the sun with autum, sun with summer, sun with winter-yes the sun is in a different orbit of the earth which influences the sun eg the sun is low in the winter time. You need to make a clear distinction of the the place in the orbit.
Second you are making a contradiction, you are questioning why the dark must go in line 3, yet in line 1 you are saying let the new sun grow
This piece does sit right
Comment Written 20-Mar-2013
Comment from RJFunston
Good morning again,
You post a lot of work, most of it I really like, but I have to say there has been a few that went over my head. This wasn't one of them. This verse says a great deal in so few words. Very nice!
Robert
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Good morning again,
You post a lot of work, most of it I really like, but I have to say there has been a few that went over my head. This wasn't one of them. This verse says a great deal in so few words. Very nice!
Robert
Comment Written 20-Mar-2013
Comment from ephraim crud, COS.
well, ALD, again, i'm not sure what the message is here.
for all your author's notes it still makes little sense,
least not to me. mind, i'll give you the benefit of my
doubt- mayhaps i'm thick...it's early as yet.
regards, eph.
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well, ALD, again, i'm not sure what the message is here.
for all your author's notes it still makes little sense,
least not to me. mind, i'll give you the benefit of my
doubt- mayhaps i'm thick...it's early as yet.
regards, eph.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2013
