O My God and Mother Nature!
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Spring"Appreciation of God and Mother Nature
157 total reviews
Comment from WorstPoetic Reviewer
Yes, yes, yes, I can follow, spring is going and summer is approaching and the poet is wishing all dark knowledge to go and prosperous and progressive living should continue, really nice visuals and imageries so clear to find and enjoy, I find no errors, it is perfectly a Haiku on Nature and most striking it is that here spring is going and summer is coming and dark is to go and light is to glow, what a combination and comparison, it must shine as the All Time Best, I see.
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Yes, yes, yes, I can follow, spring is going and summer is approaching and the poet is wishing all dark knowledge to go and prosperous and progressive living should continue, really nice visuals and imageries so clear to find and enjoy, I find no errors, it is perfectly a Haiku on Nature and most striking it is that here spring is going and summer is coming and dark is to go and light is to glow, what a combination and comparison, it must shine as the All Time Best, I see.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2006
Comment from luna
i wasn't really impressed. I think you are capable of much better than this. Just by the reviews that you write I think that you are capable of better writing. Although that is just my opinion, and everyone has one. Thanks for sharing with us, though.
Luna *smile*
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i wasn't really impressed. I think you are capable of much better than this. Just by the reviews that you write I think that you are capable of better writing. Although that is just my opinion, and everyone has one. Thanks for sharing with us, though.
Luna *smile*
Comment Written 17-Apr-2006
Comment from tjjones
I do enjoy Haiku, and you've handled it very well. I think it could be opened with more strength, but the message comes across. :-)
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I do enjoy Haiku, and you've handled it very well. I think it could be opened with more strength, but the message comes across. :-)
Comment Written 17-Apr-2006
Comment from One Tooth Smile
THis is a pretty okay haiku.
Keep up the good work.
One Tooth :)
You have left some good openings. Your author notes were a little bit pontificating.
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THis is a pretty okay haiku.
Keep up the good work.
One Tooth :)
You have left some good openings. Your author notes were a little bit pontificating.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2006
Comment from shelley kaye
interesting haiku
though it doesnt make much sense
like random word stuck together
know what i mean?
maybe try somethng like...
"G'bye spring, time's up!
The summer sun brings new hopes;
let life glow after dark."
eh, just a thought ;-)
thanx for sharing :-)
Sea~ Shell*s Thought For Today.... "Someday, those photos will get out."
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interesting haiku
though it doesnt make much sense
like random word stuck together
know what i mean?
maybe try somethng like...
"G'bye spring, time's up!
The summer sun brings new hopes;
let life glow after dark."
eh, just a thought ;-)
thanx for sharing :-)
Sea~ Shell*s Thought For Today.... "Someday, those photos will get out."
Comment Written 15-Apr-2006
Comment from Blue Boxers
It was O.K. But i didn't really get in to it and the shake dark at the end has got to be changed because it like zebra in the cinema. It just doesn't go
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It was O.K. But i didn't really get in to it and the shake dark at the end has got to be changed because it like zebra in the cinema. It just doesn't go
Comment Written 14-Apr-2006
Comment from gmarrs
It seems you work mainly on form here with little depth of meaning. It felt abrasive to me, a kind of flip off to spring as if in a hurry. That might have been your intent, but I did not find it effective. The words did not present meaningful or sympathetic imagery. (sympathetic in the broad sense) I think the metaphors are vague with little to point to your meaning, outside your own explanation of it. If you have to explain it, it doesn't work. Good luck with it; I wish you well.
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It seems you work mainly on form here with little depth of meaning. It felt abrasive to me, a kind of flip off to spring as if in a hurry. That might have been your intent, but I did not find it effective. The words did not present meaningful or sympathetic imagery. (sympathetic in the broad sense) I think the metaphors are vague with little to point to your meaning, outside your own explanation of it. If you have to explain it, it doesn't work. Good luck with it; I wish you well.
Comment Written 13-Apr-2006
Comment from MStephany
Hello Alcreator,
I was so looking forward to one of your intensely insightful, multi-layered, complicated poems. What I got instead was a simple poem that was full of meaning and light. Hmm.. I think that's the same thing.
Write on!
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Hello Alcreator,
I was so looking forward to one of your intensely insightful, multi-layered, complicated poems. What I got instead was a simple poem that was full of meaning and light. Hmm.. I think that's the same thing.
Write on!
Comment Written 13-Apr-2006
Comment from kiwi bloke
Now I don't know a lot about poetry or writeing. But this didn't feel at all good to me. I have read some very good ones here so I can only judge by my feelings that I got from those and this just didn't cut the mustard for me. also I think the second line has 8. For me it has no flow it seems very jumbled and dosn't actualy tell me anything Im sorry.
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Now I don't know a lot about poetry or writeing. But this didn't feel at all good to me. I have read some very good ones here so I can only judge by my feelings that I got from those and this just didn't cut the mustard for me. also I think the second line has 8. For me it has no flow it seems very jumbled and dosn't actualy tell me anything Im sorry.
Comment Written 13-Apr-2006
Comment from ishta
This is very off in meaning, for the type. Though in poetry we push the language, we do that sort of thing with connections and strong ties to real things, and feelings, and such. This is reaching too far, in my opinion. The first line: seasons' bye time is up, is that what you were saying? I wouldn't worry so much about syllable count. I would start over, for a redo, all the way. You obviously feel something about spring, so I would share that with us, or show it to us, as the case may be. Sorry to say, as, occasionally, I have seen some amazing things from you. Happy writing, and be blessed, i.
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This is very off in meaning, for the type. Though in poetry we push the language, we do that sort of thing with connections and strong ties to real things, and feelings, and such. This is reaching too far, in my opinion. The first line: seasons' bye time is up, is that what you were saying? I wouldn't worry so much about syllable count. I would start over, for a redo, all the way. You obviously feel something about spring, so I would share that with us, or show it to us, as the case may be. Sorry to say, as, occasionally, I have seen some amazing things from you. Happy writing, and be blessed, i.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Apr-2006
