Lacking Harmony
Life with a musician songwriter.11 total reviews
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
This is a great entry for the Pun-Forgivable, That's What You Are writing prompt. I was glued to it from the beginning to the end. I hope this story does well in the contest. Good luck!
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This is a great entry for the Pun-Forgivable, That's What You Are writing prompt. I was glued to it from the beginning to the end. I hope this story does well in the contest. Good luck!
Comment Written 04-Aug-2020
Comment from CrystieCookie999
This has 7 entire rhymed stanzas to tell the story of a music man who didn't turn out according to expectations. Thank you for including the 21 pun salute in the author notes. A fabulous job of creating a poem that is chock full of poems, and tells a story as well.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2020
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This has 7 entire rhymed stanzas to tell the story of a music man who didn't turn out according to expectations. Thank you for including the 21 pun salute in the author notes. A fabulous job of creating a poem that is chock full of poems, and tells a story as well.
Comment Written 03-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2020
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Thank you! I appreciate your remarks.
Comment from Father Flaps
Well, my goodness, that's so cute! I loved it. Especially your final line,
"Well, fugue you! I'll have fun in Key Largo with my faithful vibrato." That made me smile.
The poem isn't 100% great meter, but the humor makes up for it.
I liked your description of him. He was a bit of an ugly petunia, wasn't he? But he could play music! Oh, wait... you didn't like his music either. Just his songwriting ability... because your are a writer, too.
But you weren't about to hang around waiting for him to come home to your "marital bed". That's the only music you wanted. I like your style!
And you had some good puns mixed in there, too. After all, it does have a lot to do with the contest.
"I could not hold my (tempo) when he turned around to go." ...instead of "temper"
And more things to do with music found their way into your poem,
"his appearance was not the (key)."
"He has (flat) feet and a (treble) chin;
his (sharp) nose sticks out far.
His (cleft) palate makes a lop-sided grin -"
"My voice began to (quaver) as it rose upon the (scale)."
"He said that I was a (perfect pitch) as I began to wail."
"My voice raised in (crescendo)"
and the final touch...
"I'll have fun in Key Largo with my faithful (vibrato)."
You also have quite a few words in there to do with playing the guitar.
You've done really well. It's very funny, and I wish you lots of luck in the contest! It definitely deserves a second look.
Thanks for sharing.
Cheers
Kimbob
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2020
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Well, my goodness, that's so cute! I loved it. Especially your final line,
"Well, fugue you! I'll have fun in Key Largo with my faithful vibrato." That made me smile.
The poem isn't 100% great meter, but the humor makes up for it.
I liked your description of him. He was a bit of an ugly petunia, wasn't he? But he could play music! Oh, wait... you didn't like his music either. Just his songwriting ability... because your are a writer, too.
But you weren't about to hang around waiting for him to come home to your "marital bed". That's the only music you wanted. I like your style!
And you had some good puns mixed in there, too. After all, it does have a lot to do with the contest.
"I could not hold my (tempo) when he turned around to go." ...instead of "temper"
And more things to do with music found their way into your poem,
"his appearance was not the (key)."
"He has (flat) feet and a (treble) chin;
his (sharp) nose sticks out far.
His (cleft) palate makes a lop-sided grin -"
"My voice began to (quaver) as it rose upon the (scale)."
"He said that I was a (perfect pitch) as I began to wail."
"My voice raised in (crescendo)"
and the final touch...
"I'll have fun in Key Largo with my faithful (vibrato)."
You also have quite a few words in there to do with playing the guitar.
You've done really well. It's very funny, and I wish you lots of luck in the contest! It definitely deserves a second look.
Thanks for sharing.
Cheers
Kimbob
Comment Written 02-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2020
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Thanks for your extensive review. I had fun writing this... wasn't too worried about the metre as it showed 'lacking harmony' as in the title.
I'm pleased you enjoyed my poem.
i was a bit worried about those ending lines, thinking they might be a bit off-key, but reviewers are liking them.
Comment from l.raven
Hi You, this is too funny...has great rhythm and
rhyme...and I love your story told...love the ending...
very well written...and I love your picture...good luck in the contest...love...Linda xxoo
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Hi You, this is too funny...has great rhythm and
rhyme...and I love your story told...love the ending...
very well written...and I love your picture...good luck in the contest...love...Linda xxoo
Comment Written 01-Aug-2020
Comment from bhogg
Well, you had me smiling from start to finish. You fit in the music-related puns seamlessly. It didn't make your post seem forced in any way. Well done and good luck in your contest! Bill
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Well, you had me smiling from start to finish. You fit in the music-related puns seamlessly. It didn't make your post seem forced in any way. Well done and good luck in your contest! Bill
Comment Written 01-Aug-2020
Comment from Mia Twysted
I love the way this piece ended it gave a a little giggle. It is just like some people to want to roam about while others need or desire them by their side. I think you did a wonderful job with this contest. Good luck.
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I love the way this piece ended it gave a a little giggle. It is just like some people to want to roam about while others need or desire them by their side. I think you did a wonderful job with this contest. Good luck.
Comment Written 01-Aug-2020
Comment from amada
This story kept my interest all along. What will be of this mismatched romance. The characters are very well defined, no doubt about it. The lines you introduced fit perfectly with the story. Well done.
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This story kept my interest all along. What will be of this mismatched romance. The characters are very well defined, no doubt about it. The lines you introduced fit perfectly with the story. Well done.
Comment Written 01-Aug-2020
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A fun write including all those musical words and I love the lightheartedness in this tuneful write lacking the harmony in love, I found this entertaining, love Dolly x
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A fun write including all those musical words and I love the lightheartedness in this tuneful write lacking the harmony in love, I found this entertaining, love Dolly x
Comment Written 01-Aug-2020
Comment from Dick Narvett
Music and sex... a good combo that can't be beat, with plenty of puns synthesized into the composition. It should perform well in the competition.
Good luck,
Dick
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Music and sex... a good combo that can't be beat, with plenty of puns synthesized into the composition. It should perform well in the competition.
Good luck,
Dick
Comment Written 01-Aug-2020
Comment from gramalot8
What a great poem full of fun with your musical puns! I loved each and every one of them and they definitely helped tell your story. And.... gotta love that orchestrated ending!! ð??¶ð?¤ªð??¶
Thanks for sharing this with us and good luck in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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What a great poem full of fun with your musical puns! I loved each and every one of them and they definitely helped tell your story. And.... gotta love that orchestrated ending!! ð??¶ð?¤ªð??¶
Thanks for sharing this with us and good luck in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Aug-2020
