A sniper for the diaper
how actually the things went down17 total reviews
Comment from richie b
Iza,
Your story is very relatable to all of us who raised
children. Us dad's struggled with diapers.
Your story flows with honesty and humor. Entertaining
babies and young children is always an adventure.
My wife and I babysit our 3 year old granddaughter
and are learning new things constantaly.
Blessings,
Richie
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2020
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Iza,
Your story is very relatable to all of us who raised
children. Us dad's struggled with diapers.
Your story flows with honesty and humor. Entertaining
babies and young children is always an adventure.
My wife and I babysit our 3 year old granddaughter
and are learning new things constantaly.
Blessings,
Richie
Comment Written 01-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2020
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Kids nowadays are pretty smart and you can fool them easily:) also they are surprising you every time with their candor.
Comment from poetwatch
Iza, that is a very nasty bit of doing that I as a father of three girls hated doing. :) But as that old saying goes, "practice makes perfect." :) So keep doing it, for when yours come around you'll know how. I like your story. This is a good entry for the How Things Actully Went Down.
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2020
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Iza, that is a very nasty bit of doing that I as a father of three girls hated doing. :) But as that old saying goes, "practice makes perfect." :) So keep doing it, for when yours come around you'll know how. I like your story. This is a good entry for the How Things Actully Went Down.
Comment Written 01-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2020
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Hello my friend, thank you so much for your review and for now I think I will stick with the kitties, they don't back and are potty trained:)
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
What a cute story entry for the How Things Actually Went Down writing prompt. Diaper changing is not a fun task for any babysitter. Good luck in the contest!
Noticed two typos:
So here am me, killing my phone trying to find baby songs on YouTube and in the same time trying to entrained (entertain) the four-year-old, which was acting like Princess Capriciosa:
"You are baby, you are a good help (helper) for mommy?"
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2020
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What a cute story entry for the How Things Actually Went Down writing prompt. Diaper changing is not a fun task for any babysitter. Good luck in the contest!
Noticed two typos:
So here am me, killing my phone trying to find baby songs on YouTube and in the same time trying to entrained (entertain) the four-year-old, which was acting like Princess Capriciosa:
"You are baby, you are a good help (helper) for mommy?"
Comment Written 01-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2020
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Hi Rebecca, thank you so much for your kind review and the corrections. Have a blessed day:)
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You're quite welcome.
Comment from Roberta Lawrinsky
Hi Iza!
I like " A Sniper for the Diaper " because the tone is breezy AND down-to-earth.
I admire also the risk the author takes-- willing to admit what's going on even if it threatens to reveal you're not perfect.
a few suggestions:
1. ... 'trying to entrained the four-year-old'--'entrain is to attach something to something else, like train cars --consider 'entertain'=to amuse
2. "Man, I can feed a baby, rocking back to sleep, but the diaper thing is above my pay grade.' --consider 'I can rock a baby back to sleep' to create parallel construction with 'can feed'.
It's quite humorous for a babysitter to not know how to change a diaper.
3. 'You put it on wrong. I sighted...' --consider 'sighed' = to take a breath of disappointment or exasperation
4. 'I stepped back and smiling I said...'---consider ...back and, smiling, I said... = by setting 'smiling' within commas you emphasize that telling detail.
5. '...things didn't go down, the way I've planned,,,' --consider to remove the comma after down because that comma slows the smooth flow of what you're saying.--consider to say 'I planned' because it's the simple past-- OR consider 'I'd planned' because that's also a past tense. Either one is correct usage whereas 'I've' is a continuous present tense & at that point you no longer plan to continue the little deception you had in mind.
Four-year-olds just can't keep a secret, can they?
6. 'You are baby,...' --consider 'You are, baby,' because the person being talked to is set off by commas.
Well, I've gotten 5 & 6 out of consecutive order, but I'm not going to change it.
Great story. It's so fitting that how things actually went down is a story about a diaper!
best,
roberta lawrinsky
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2020
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Hi Iza!
I like " A Sniper for the Diaper " because the tone is breezy AND down-to-earth.
I admire also the risk the author takes-- willing to admit what's going on even if it threatens to reveal you're not perfect.
a few suggestions:
1. ... 'trying to entrained the four-year-old'--'entrain is to attach something to something else, like train cars --consider 'entertain'=to amuse
2. "Man, I can feed a baby, rocking back to sleep, but the diaper thing is above my pay grade.' --consider 'I can rock a baby back to sleep' to create parallel construction with 'can feed'.
It's quite humorous for a babysitter to not know how to change a diaper.
3. 'You put it on wrong. I sighted...' --consider 'sighed' = to take a breath of disappointment or exasperation
4. 'I stepped back and smiling I said...'---consider ...back and, smiling, I said... = by setting 'smiling' within commas you emphasize that telling detail.
5. '...things didn't go down, the way I've planned,,,' --consider to remove the comma after down because that comma slows the smooth flow of what you're saying.--consider to say 'I planned' because it's the simple past-- OR consider 'I'd planned' because that's also a past tense. Either one is correct usage whereas 'I've' is a continuous present tense & at that point you no longer plan to continue the little deception you had in mind.
Four-year-olds just can't keep a secret, can they?
6. 'You are baby,...' --consider 'You are, baby,' because the person being talked to is set off by commas.
Well, I've gotten 5 & 6 out of consecutive order, but I'm not going to change it.
Great story. It's so fitting that how things actually went down is a story about a diaper!
best,
roberta lawrinsky
Comment Written 01-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2020
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Thank you so much Roberta for your detailed review and explained the grammar conception behind each mistake. I know it took you a lot of time, but it made lot of difference in understanding some of the mysteries of the English grammar.
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Hi Iza
--you are so fair-minded to consider the changes, thank you
--several caring teachers took time to explain things to me!
--your writing is very spontaneous &
promises to grow & develop, wouldn't you say??
--Thank you your feedback that this is CONSTRUCTIVE criticism, NOT destructive
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Amen to that dear sister 😉
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
You made me smile here Iza and animals seem to get the hang of life much more quickly than humans as babies are pretty helpless for a long time. A fun story and you managed to get through your babysitting ordeal.
I notices just one spag here:
"four-year-old, (who) was acting like Princess Capriciosa"
Love Dolly x
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2020
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You made me smile here Iza and animals seem to get the hang of life much more quickly than humans as babies are pretty helpless for a long time. A fun story and you managed to get through your babysitting ordeal.
I notices just one spag here:
"four-year-old, (who) was acting like Princess Capriciosa"
Love Dolly x
Comment Written 01-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2020
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Hello Ms. Folly thank you so much for your wonderful review and for correcting the mistake.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Wickedly funny! You may have a winner--reminds me of when my daughter and her friend (both aged 13) had to change a diaper--they couldn't figure out the tabs--so they wrapped half a roll of black electrical tape around! The parents got quite a surprise! Cheers. LIZ
(one time thing becomes s/b one-time thing became; hyphenate one-and-a-half and four-year-old child--the child is four years old (no hyphens); entrained the four years old, which was s/b entertained the four-year-old)
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reply by the author on 01-Aug-2020
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Wickedly funny! You may have a winner--reminds me of when my daughter and her friend (both aged 13) had to change a diaper--they couldn't figure out the tabs--so they wrapped half a roll of black electrical tape around! The parents got quite a surprise! Cheers. LIZ
(one time thing becomes s/b one-time thing became; hyphenate one-and-a-half and four-year-old child--the child is four years old (no hyphens); entrained the four years old, which was s/b entertained the four-year-old)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2020
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Thank you Liz, I still don't know to change a diaper:)
Comment from lyenochka
Babysitting for free should mean no diaper changing included! You're such a great neighbor to do that for your neighbor. Funny story and so glad you are getting to know these girls. You have an important influence on them.
year old come to the changing (came)
no you are (now)
the way I've planed (planned)
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reply by the author on 01-Aug-2020
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Babysitting for free should mean no diaper changing included! You're such a great neighbor to do that for your neighbor. Funny story and so glad you are getting to know these girls. You have an important influence on them.
year old come to the changing (came)
no you are (now)
the way I've planed (planned)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2020
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Thank you so much, Helen:)
