A Surprise for Dad
Dad's reaction when told his son's surprise.5 total reviews
Comment from emem224224
Without being negative, I would have expected Modern Mary to favour cremation, and I disagree with Dad being so critical of her.Then indicating he would have deemed her good enough to mother his first grandchild.
But the story certainly fills the requirements of the contest. Good luck
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2020
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Without being negative, I would have expected Modern Mary to favour cremation, and I disagree with Dad being so critical of her.Then indicating he would have deemed her good enough to mother his first grandchild.
But the story certainly fills the requirements of the contest. Good luck
Comment Written 11-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2020
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I'm sorry but in my humble opinion, I think you wishing your own sentiments to be incorporated into this story, if that is the rationale for only awarding four stars, is not appropriate. Please recognize I am the author and this is my story. The characters and their reactions are what I wish. To say your wishes regarding my characters are better than mine is not germane to a critique. The father recognized the son was married to the girl, even if he doesn't agree with her many times. However, he recognizes her give on the cemetery and that she would be, no matter what, be the mother of his first grandchild, a reason for forgiveness. Sorry you missed the point.
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Apparently I have, friend. Keep writing and safe,
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Thanks, you too.
Comment from UpNorth
This is a fun story in that you show both sides of a family dilemma. Dialogue does move a story along fast. A little stereotypical in the representation of the parents, with that, the reader
s mind kicks into the groove. That makes the parent's acceptance, surprise, in the end, more effective. Love does conquer all. Ans it bridges generations. A little tension anticipating how they would resolve this. Good addition about the baby so two pluses for the young couple.
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2020
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This is a fun story in that you show both sides of a family dilemma. Dialogue does move a story along fast. A little stereotypical in the representation of the parents, with that, the reader
s mind kicks into the groove. That makes the parent's acceptance, surprise, in the end, more effective. Love does conquer all. Ans it bridges generations. A little tension anticipating how they would resolve this. Good addition about the baby so two pluses for the young couple.
Comment Written 11-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2020
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Thank you for the read and thoughtful review.
Comment from Marjon van Bruggen
That surely IS a big surprise! After I read all that the older fellow had against Mary Ellen and the fear he felt by being told that he was becoming a grandfather, he gets showered with this graveyard purchase.
And he loves the idea! All of a sudden also happy with the grandfather idea.
Very nice and surprising story.
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2020
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That surely IS a big surprise! After I read all that the older fellow had against Mary Ellen and the fear he felt by being told that he was becoming a grandfather, he gets showered with this graveyard purchase.
And he loves the idea! All of a sudden also happy with the grandfather idea.
Very nice and surprising story.
Comment Written 10-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2020
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Thanks much for the read and review.
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Welcome!
Comment from RodG
I like how you have characterized the narrator as a very conservative father-in-law who makes HIS feelings, values, and attitudes very clear. But the story takes too long for the "surprise," especially after they arrive. I think it might be even better if Mary Ellen, not the son, told the news. Trim and tweak (e.g. the passage where Dads her tattoo).
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2020
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I like how you have characterized the narrator as a very conservative father-in-law who makes HIS feelings, values, and attitudes very clear. But the story takes too long for the "surprise," especially after they arrive. I think it might be even better if Mary Ellen, not the son, told the news. Trim and tweak (e.g. the passage where Dads her tattoo).
Comment Written 10-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2020
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Thanks for the tip. I will work on shortening the piece.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Wow, I think you have a winner here, your narrative spirals in circles until it reaches the coup de foudre: "Surprise! We've purchased the two cemetery lots next to yours."
I stood up, knocking my glass of lemonade off the table. I walked over and took both their hands. "That's the best surprise gift next to Mary Ellen being pregnant with our first grandchild."
Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2020
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Wow, I think you have a winner here, your narrative spirals in circles until it reaches the coup de foudre: "Surprise! We've purchased the two cemetery lots next to yours."
I stood up, knocking my glass of lemonade off the table. I walked over and took both their hands. "That's the best surprise gift next to Mary Ellen being pregnant with our first grandchild."
Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 10-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2020
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Thanks for taking the time to read, review and comment.
