Looking for Orion - 2
Viewing comments for Chapter 25 "Trouble Follows - part 4"Brothers fight for faith ... and for their lives.
13 total reviews
Comment from Margaret Bednar
Rivetting! (I've been busy this past week getting ready for our family vacation and I am trying to touch base and catch up a bit with a few writers). So, I can't imagine how Cody will survive - I'm worried, but hopeful. I think all the characters are spot on and the inner dialogue Jack has with himself is wonderful. The strength of the mother is well relayed... I am off to search for the next chapter.
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2020
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Rivetting! (I've been busy this past week getting ready for our family vacation and I am trying to touch base and catch up a bit with a few writers). So, I can't imagine how Cody will survive - I'm worried, but hopeful. I think all the characters are spot on and the inner dialogue Jack has with himself is wonderful. The strength of the mother is well relayed... I am off to search for the next chapter.
Comment Written 17-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2020
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Hope Y'all vaca is WONDERFUL!
Comment from Ulla
Hi Debora. Such a wonderful complex and in many ways shocking chapter. I had great difficulty with Jack knocking his brother Cody out cold when his sick in a hospital bed. But I can see the reason behind it. Looking out for more. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2020
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Hi Debora. Such a wonderful complex and in many ways shocking chapter. I had great difficulty with Jack knocking his brother Cody out cold when his sick in a hospital bed. But I can see the reason behind it. Looking out for more. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 11-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2020
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Thank you, Ulla. :) I'm reconsidering that, too. Might have the doc stop him with a sedative. (Not for Jack! lol That read wrong. A sedative for Cody.)
Many thanks and blessings,
Deb
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Maybe, have the conflict where Jack almost get to the point of knocking out Cody, but the doctor manage to intervene and sedate him instead. It could be a great scene of willpower. Just a thought. x
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A good thought. I like willpower more than desperation. I just have to weight what Jack would be feeling, considering his personality and what he's gone through in the past few days.
thank you again!
Deb
Comment from AJ McCall
This is so hard to read without cringing or feeling what Cody's feeling. The plot is perfect and you wrote the setting perfectly. Nothing I saw that I would change. I'm reading the next part I bookcased!
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2020
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This is so hard to read without cringing or feeling what Cody's feeling. The plot is perfect and you wrote the setting perfectly. Nothing I saw that I would change. I'm reading the next part I bookcased!
Comment Written 11-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2020
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It is a tough read. And I certainly know it's not for everyone. I feel like I'll probably scare or lose a lot of Christian readers far before this point, but it's for the others, the ones who need to get through their own demons. Honestly, that's why I've been so insistent that reviews are nit-picky. It has to be letter-perfect to keep some folks onboard.
Thanks again, gal. :)
Many thanks and blessings,
Deb
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:)
Comment from sherrygreywolf
Interesting read tonight. Not sure how I feel about Jack knocking his brother out cold, but can understand that it was the only way he felt he could control/change the situation and help Cody deal with the pain. Other than my mixed feelings about that, I liked this chapter.
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2020
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Interesting read tonight. Not sure how I feel about Jack knocking his brother out cold, but can understand that it was the only way he felt he could control/change the situation and help Cody deal with the pain. Other than my mixed feelings about that, I liked this chapter.
Comment Written 11-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2020
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You're not the only one who's had that qualm. Should I change it to Jack getting ready to smack the crap out of Cody but the doc comes in and stops him? He could have a sedative ? For Cody ?
Thanks and I'll holler later,
Deb
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I don't know - maybe. Mostly because I don't know that the doctor (regardless of whether he felt Cody needed to be "knocked out" or not) would have been able to condone doing it with Jack's fist or whether he would have felt forced to call security. Even if it was just to take care of a potential liability issue for the hospital.
Comment from roof35
I never have enough six stars to give you. You really deserve them all. This is up to your usual standards and I am truly hooked. This is great writing.
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2020
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I never have enough six stars to give you. You really deserve them all. This is up to your usual standards and I am truly hooked. This is great writing.
Comment Written 10-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2020
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Who needs sixes when I have you hooked! :)
Thank you so much. Your encouragement is what I need to finish up. :)
Blessings,
Deb
Comment from lyenochka
Another gruesome scene of pain and fear! I think it's time for someone to be praying. It's good that the doctors seem serious in trying to help Cody. Great job overall.
Teeniest comment:
"put me out of this room, son." (Son) since you capitalized "Mom" when you used it as a name, you're using "Son" as a name here, too.
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2020
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Another gruesome scene of pain and fear! I think it's time for someone to be praying. It's good that the doctors seem serious in trying to help Cody. Great job overall.
Teeniest comment:
"put me out of this room, son." (Son) since you capitalized "Mom" when you used it as a name, you're using "Son" as a name here, too.
Comment Written 09-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2020
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Oh! you are absolutely correct! I'll go fix that now. :) Thank you. And the tide is turning right now. Time to lighten up a bit, huh.
Thank you!
Deb
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Yay! Really waiting for it to lighten up! 💖😊
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
Riveting!
The tiny brunette stood beide (beside) him, staring down at Cody.
As if on cue, Top Hair turned to the nurse. "He'll need to e (be) restrained --"
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2020
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Riveting!
The tiny brunette stood beide (beside) him, staring down at Cody.
As if on cue, Top Hair turned to the nurse. "He'll need to e (be) restrained --"
Comment Written 08-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2020
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Thank you, Sharp Eye! lol. Appreciate you finding these little nits and helping me get it all right. :)
I appreciate you more than you know.
Blessings,
Deb
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Ha ha
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Those doctors are some hard stones to take:"They lack quite a bit in bedside manners, but their records are exemplary" maybe that coma will help Cody to fight the poison better. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2020
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Those doctors are some hard stones to take:"They lack quite a bit in bedside manners, but their records are exemplary" maybe that coma will help Cody to fight the poison better. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
Comment Written 08-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2020
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Thank you for encouraging me, still, Iza.
I appreciate you so much!
Blessings,
Deb
Comment from Marjon van Bruggen
This is an extremely well-written chapter, that made me wonder how the writer knew so well all the medical implications and the treatment of the critical state Cody is in.
Striking also the love of his mother and brother Jack, both determined to stay with him, no matter what. Praying seems the only hope they have left.
I found two slips:
1. ...stood beside him.
2.... "I don't have time for your crap"
Only minor typos.
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2020
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This is an extremely well-written chapter, that made me wonder how the writer knew so well all the medical implications and the treatment of the critical state Cody is in.
Striking also the love of his mother and brother Jack, both determined to stay with him, no matter what. Praying seems the only hope they have left.
I found two slips:
1. ...stood beside him.
2.... "I don't have time for your crap"
Only minor typos.
Comment Written 08-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2020
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I'm so honored that you gave this chapter an exceptional rating! Thank you.
Thank you, Sharp Eye! lol. Appreciate you finding these little nits and helping me get it all right. :)
I appreciate you more than you know.
Blessings,
Deb
Comment from Brandi27
It was a little difficult for me to understand and get into the story at the beginning. I felt like mid-way through I thought I was understanding it and then it started discussing Jack's brother and I was confused. There were just a couple spelling errors. Overall it was a good story but didn't have me intrigued right away.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2020
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It was a little difficult for me to understand and get into the story at the beginning. I felt like mid-way through I thought I was understanding it and then it started discussing Jack's brother and I was confused. There were just a couple spelling errors. Overall it was a good story but didn't have me intrigued right away.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2020
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Thank you for reading and commenting, Brandi. It is a tough book, and coming in must be really weird and confusing. :)
Thank you, though for commenting.
Blessings,
Deb
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I would enjoy to read the whole thing so please don't take my comment negative.
