Waiting and Wondering
A 314-word flash fiction story about being lost.14 total reviews
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
I like the POV of the frozen fish that is past its due date. You did a good job telling its story. There is good flow, good imagery, and a great resolution--well maybe not for the frozen fish. You led up to it well, though. Thanks for sharing and best wishes.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2020
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I like the POV of the frozen fish that is past its due date. You did a good job telling its story. There is good flow, good imagery, and a great resolution--well maybe not for the frozen fish. You led up to it well, though. Thanks for sharing and best wishes.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 08-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2020
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Thanks for this review - much appreciated.
Comment from Bill Schott
The sad life and eventual dispatch of the leftovers made into a sad but compelling melodrama is interesting. Giving personification to stinky, dead fish is a new one. Funny and sad.
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The sad life and eventual dispatch of the leftovers made into a sad but compelling melodrama is interesting. Giving personification to stinky, dead fish is a new one. Funny and sad.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2020
Comment from sherrygreywolf
This little story is just too, too funny. The ending was unexpected and I like that kind of thing. Poor little forgotten package of fish. After reading to the end, this line had new meaning and made me smile - "By giving them a taste of what I could do, my sacrifice would be honoured with praise on everyone's lips." Good job for this writing prompt.
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2020
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This little story is just too, too funny. The ending was unexpected and I like that kind of thing. Poor little forgotten package of fish. After reading to the end, this line had new meaning and made me smile - "By giving them a taste of what I could do, my sacrifice would be honoured with praise on everyone's lips." Good job for this writing prompt.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2020
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Thanks for your positive response to my story. I'm pleased you found it amusing.
Comment from Roberta Lawrinsky
omg, omg
personification-- and yet you cudda been a contendah--you cudda been a showplace main dish, creatively & sensitively prepared, bringing nutrition & health, modestly yet rightfully in the spotlight
what a loss
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2020
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omg, omg
personification-- and yet you cudda been a contendah--you cudda been a showplace main dish, creatively & sensitively prepared, bringing nutrition & health, modestly yet rightfully in the spotlight
what a loss
Comment Written 07-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2020
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Thanks for your fun review!
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you're welcome
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
Oh my gosh, what an adorable story. I spent most of the story imagining what "I" was. A person maybe, or a cow to market. Was your character going to be soared an awful fate for being lost?
The ending was priceless!
Take care and best of luck in the contest,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2020
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Oh my gosh, what an adorable story. I spent most of the story imagining what "I" was. A person maybe, or a cow to market. Was your character going to be soared an awful fate for being lost?
The ending was priceless!
Take care and best of luck in the contest,
Rhonda
Comment Written 06-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2020
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I'm pleased you enjoyed my story. Thanks for your positive review.
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
This is a interesting entry for the Lost - Flash Fiction writing prompt. It should do well in the contest. I wish you the best of luck!
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2020
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This is a interesting entry for the Lost - Flash Fiction writing prompt. It should do well in the contest. I wish you the best of luck!
Comment Written 06-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2020
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Thanks for your positive review.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello, my friend,
good word count
You wrote a very descriptive flash fiction within the rules of the contest. It's a good entry for the Lost - Flash Fiction writing prompt.
I like the unique topic of a fish in a refrigerator.
Well done, good luck in the contest.
gypsy
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2020
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Hello, my friend,
good word count
You wrote a very descriptive flash fiction within the rules of the contest. It's a good entry for the Lost - Flash Fiction writing prompt.
I like the unique topic of a fish in a refrigerator.
Well done, good luck in the contest.
gypsy
Comment Written 06-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2020
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Thank you for understanding it was a smelly fish in a refrigerator. I think some readers are missing the concept.
Comment from Mia Twysted
I feel so bad for him. He seems like he was hoping for a grand experience. Something that would shape his young life, but instead he gets bullied and forgotten.
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2020
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I feel so bad for him. He seems like he was hoping for a grand experience. Something that would shape his young life, but instead he gets bullied and forgotten.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2020
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Thanks for reviewing, Mia. I hope you realised he was a fish that went smelly in the refrigerator and was thrown out.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This is an excellent story. Suspence is kept high throughout, and I can really feel the emotions of the poor little packet of fish (inprobable though that may seem).
The use of the tag Mr. Smelly to the order get lost! seems unlikely as a dialogue usage, but it's all a question of where you live - fascinating..
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2020
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This is an excellent story. Suspence is kept high throughout, and I can really feel the emotions of the poor little packet of fish (inprobable though that may seem).
The use of the tag Mr. Smelly to the order get lost! seems unlikely as a dialogue usage, but it's all a question of where you live - fascinating..
Comment Written 06-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2020
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Thanks for your comments, Katherine. I'm pleased you thought my story was interesting.
Your remark about what you liked least, that it was an unlikely dialogue usage, revealed to me another regional gap of unfamiliarity. Downunder here in NZ, that line would not be unusual: "Get lost!" would mean: "Get outta here, you're not welcome", and we often use Mr. Grumpy, Mr. Tickle, Little Miss Bossy etc. because of the popular Mr. Men series of children's books.
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This is a really interesting comment, showing the poor understanding of a common language according to country. I have corrected my review, accordingly.
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Thank you for your generosity! I find language can be problematic sometimes; we expect to be understood because it is English, but there are so many cultural differences. A lot depends on where we have been, what we have experienced, what we have read, but we can't know every little detail of our differences in other countries.
Comment from Spitfire
I had to read it twice after realizing the speaker was a fish. Fun then to figure out the fatso and my own school group. Everything took on a new meaning. I love this different approach to lost.
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2020
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I had to read it twice after realizing the speaker was a fish. Fun then to figure out the fatso and my own school group. Everything took on a new meaning. I love this different approach to lost.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2020
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Your review made my day! Thank you so much for such a positive response.
