Looking for Orion - 2
Viewing comments for Chapter 23 "Trouble Follows -- part 2"Brothers fight for faith ... and for their lives.
15 total reviews
Comment from Bill Pinder
Great chapter that is very well written as you capture a believable expression of pure evil and the normal reactions of the people fighting against it. I like how you express the interactions between the main characters. Bill
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2020
  |
Great chapter that is very well written as you capture a believable expression of pure evil and the normal reactions of the people fighting against it. I like how you express the interactions between the main characters. Bill
Comment Written 04-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2020
-
Bill, thank you for the exceptional rating! I appreciate it so much, and am grateful for your encouraging comments. :)
Blessings,
Deb
Comment from Roberta Lawrinsky
Hi there, Debora Dyess,
What an action-packed thriller you're writing.
The fighting & attacking are double cringe-worthy when happening in a hospital patient's room with IV needle hook-ups & super technical monitors.
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2020
 |
Hi there, Debora Dyess,
What an action-packed thriller you're writing.
The fighting & attacking are double cringe-worthy when happening in a hospital patient's room with IV needle hook-ups & super technical monitors.
Comment Written 03-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2020
-
Thank you, Roberta. :) I so appreciate you reading and commenting. Your encouragement means a lot to me.
Blessings,
Deb
-
a pleasure to read
-
thanks
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
(typo: Jack find him s/b finds; father/son s/b father and son; to town and hospital s/b town hospital' blonde's head usually refers to female--say Lehmann's head) Superb dialog; chilling tale masterfully told; evil shines through! Cheers. LIZ
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2020
|
(typo: Jack find him s/b finds; father/son s/b father and son; to town and hospital s/b town hospital' blonde's head usually refers to female--say Lehmann's head) Superb dialog; chilling tale masterfully told; evil shines through! Cheers. LIZ
Comment Written 03-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2020
-
Thank you, Liz! I've made the corrections you suggested. I'm not sure yet what to do about 'blonde'. General descriptions normally include hair color, but you're right -- 'blonde' usually implies female. I'll mull that one over in my head tonight and go back in tomorrow. :)
Thank you for a thoughtful review and for the suggestion and changes. I appreciate both.
Blessings,
Deb
Comment from Precious Owuamalam
Poor Cody, I just pray it doesn't work as expected. You keep the suspense coming with every damn chapter. This is lovely.
Here, "Good to finally meet you, face-to-face like," the "like" is redundant. You may wish to remove it.
In the chapter synopsis, it reads: "The next day, Cody awaens," guess you meant "awakens."
My best wishes.
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2020
|
Poor Cody, I just pray it doesn't work as expected. You keep the suspense coming with every damn chapter. This is lovely.
Here, "Good to finally meet you, face-to-face like," the "like" is redundant. You may wish to remove it.
In the chapter synopsis, it reads: "The next day, Cody awaens," guess you meant "awakens."
My best wishes.
Comment Written 08-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2020
-
Thank you again! You're always looking out for me, aren't you. :)
The 'like' redundancy was intentional. That's not common here in Texas, but other Southern states have that as part of their vernacular.
When we first moved to this part of the state, I heard people saying, "Where are you going to?" Drove me nuts! Why say 'to' at the end of that sentence? No need to, but it's part of the local dialect, I guess.
I wonder what I say that's weird!
Thank you again and, as always, blessings.
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Good fight scene, easy to visualize and what a creepy character this Lehmann is. This story is going well Deb, the characters are easy to like, and hate. Well done,
cheers,
valda
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2020
|
Good fight scene, easy to visualize and what a creepy character this Lehmann is. This story is going well Deb, the characters are easy to like, and hate. Well done,
cheers,
valda
Comment Written 07-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2020
-
Thank you, Valda! Your encouragement is, as always, very appreciated!
Blessings, Deb
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
There has to be a way, Cody can't die now, not after his wife died as well. The children will be devastated. What a toe-rag! This was really excellent writing, Debby, the story is exciting, and full of action. You wrote this scene so well, I wondered if you had experienced it??? Well done, can't wait to find out what happens next. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2020
|
There has to be a way, Cody can't die now, not after his wife died as well. The children will be devastated. What a toe-rag! This was really excellent writing, Debby, the story is exciting, and full of action. You wrote this scene so well, I wondered if you had experienced it??? Well done, can't wait to find out what happens next. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 06-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2020
-
I hope to have the next bit up tonight. Working on reviewing to get some cents to post. (Or maybe some sense?)
Thank you so much. I love that you love the guys. :)
Blessings,
Debby
Comment from Margaret Bednar
Give me the gun!!!! Wow. You write such evil so well. I love Aulers "I wasn't in here when it happened,"... and only wish Jack had started with this monster's knee caps. I can only hope the poison didn't make it through to the IV as I can't imagine how Cody can survive this! Drama, drama, drama!
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2020
|
Give me the gun!!!! Wow. You write such evil so well. I love Aulers "I wasn't in here when it happened,"... and only wish Jack had started with this monster's knee caps. I can only hope the poison didn't make it through to the IV as I can't imagine how Cody can survive this! Drama, drama, drama!
Comment Written 05-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2020
-
Dang, Margaret! lol. (Me, too.) Thank you, though. I appreciate you, as always. :)
Blessings,
Debby
Comment from AJ McCall
No! I don't want him to die! I need to read the other chapters though. I think this is the second part of your story I read. (And to be honest, I was not expecting that swear word to be there. I winced when I read it. I don't think it was necessary. I really want Cody to live. Don't make him die Deb!!
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2020
|
No! I don't want him to die! I need to read the other chapters though. I think this is the second part of your story I read. (And to be honest, I was not expecting that swear word to be there. I winced when I read it. I don't think it was necessary. I really want Cody to live. Don't make him die Deb!!
Comment Written 05-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2020
-
Nah ? Cody's my boy. :)
I'm trying to think about a swear word ? I'll go check it out. Because this is actually a book aimed at Christian readers (and others who have Judeo-Christian ethics), I need to be careful of that. sometimes I get into the head of the character and don't 'edit' them. I'll take a look.
Thank you, AJ. I appreciate you, as always. :)
Blessings,
Deb
-
Welcome!
Comment from roof35
Oh, gosh, do you make me hate these guys! I cannot wait to see if there is some way to stop Cody from meeting his maker or worse. Your writing is so good that I cannot give you anything except six stars.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2020
|
Oh, gosh, do you make me hate these guys! I cannot wait to see if there is some way to stop Cody from meeting his maker or worse. Your writing is so good that I cannot give you anything except six stars.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2020
-
Wow ? Thank you so much for the exceptional rating. It makes me want to keep living up to your expectations. (And I hate these bad guys, too. They're pretty much the worst of the worst of my nightmares and experiences all rolled into one.)
Thank you, Roof. I appreciate you, as always. :) And, if you odn't mind, is your name really 'Roof'? If not, would you share? lol.
Blessings,
Deb
Comment from lyenochka
Well, that's just horrible. It's like watching one of those action shows and I keep thinking why didn't they just shoot the bad guy already? But no, the fighting keeps on and the hero keeps getting hurt. I don't know. It's going to take a miracle to help Cody now...
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2020
|
Well, that's just horrible. It's like watching one of those action shows and I keep thinking why didn't they just shoot the bad guy already? But no, the fighting keeps on and the hero keeps getting hurt. I don't know. It's going to take a miracle to help Cody now...
Comment Written 05-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2020
-
Good thing we believe in miracles. :)
Thank you, Helen. I appreciate you, as always. :)
Blessings,
Deb
