My Father's Keys
My father, right or wrong, forever loved. RIP35 total reviews
Comment from karenina
There is an adoration here that is so real and so innocent you transported me to my own childhood. My father was my hero... He smokes a pipe occasionally -- to this day every time I smell cherry pipe tobacco my heart fills with love and memories of his twinkling eyes and bemused smile. You caught my heartstrings with this poem!--Karenina
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2020
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There is an adoration here that is so real and so innocent you transported me to my own childhood. My father was my hero... He smokes a pipe occasionally -- to this day every time I smell cherry pipe tobacco my heart fills with love and memories of his twinkling eyes and bemused smile. You caught my heartstrings with this poem!--Karenina
Comment Written 12-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2020
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Hi Karenina, our fathers, oh our fathers are always perennial flowers. Thank you for sharing this memory with me.
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Yes! What a wonderful way to put it!--Karenina
Comment from Spitfire
I'd like to hear the back story to this -- why he wasn't there all the time and why the line "Starved for warmth, I would run to his arms." No better compliment than to compare a person to the sun.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2020
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I'd like to hear the back story to this -- why he wasn't there all the time and why the line "Starved for warmth, I would run to his arms." No better compliment than to compare a person to the sun.
Comment Written 30-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2020
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Thank you Father's Keys for your great comments.
Comment from June Sargent
We do love someone, not just for their good points, but despite their faults. True love embraces the person as a whole - imperfect though they may be. And this piece captures beautifully those sentiments of enduring love.
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2020
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We do love someone, not just for their good points, but despite their faults. True love embraces the person as a whole - imperfect though they may be. And this piece captures beautifully those sentiments of enduring love.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2020
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Your comments are very insightful, dear writer. Your heart knows so well what I am writing in here, sort of we have similar souls.
Comment from BeasPeas
This is a lovely poem and tribute to your father. It's wistful, joyful, loving. You've used excellent word choices which make the reader care about this man. Good luck in the contest. Marilyn
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2020
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This is a lovely poem and tribute to your father. It's wistful, joyful, loving. You've used excellent word choices which make the reader care about this man. Good luck in the contest. Marilyn
Comment Written 22-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2020
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I think you iknow so well what i was talking about in here, thank you for listening to the beats of my heart. .
Comment from harmony13
The author's words were clear, interesting, descriptive and creative.
I felt the joy the author conveyed when her father arrived. The poem
flows and connects well. The artwork compliments both the theme
and words of this poem. Hope you had a great day!
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2020
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The author's words were clear, interesting, descriptive and creative.
I felt the joy the author conveyed when her father arrived. The poem
flows and connects well. The artwork compliments both the theme
and words of this poem. Hope you had a great day!
Comment Written 22-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2020
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Thank you for reading and commenting in this work.
Comment from BHWatson
I love the imagery of this poem. Sounds are so evocative in poetry and so under used. It is both sad and joyful. I wonder why when your father was not there for you, there was such silence and lack of attention. Nicely done.
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2020
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I love the imagery of this poem. Sounds are so evocative in poetry and so under used. It is both sad and joyful. I wonder why when your father was not there for you, there was such silence and lack of attention. Nicely done.
Comment Written 22-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2020
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You can read so well in between your lines. I guess you read and understand poetry lines. it is a pleasure to know you.
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Thank you. I spend a lot of time delving into poetry.
Comment from emmaysavage
Thanks for this poem celebrating a father who isn't there all the time but brings light and warmth when he comes. I liked the reference to spring especially. Good luck in the poetry contest
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2020
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Thanks for this poem celebrating a father who isn't there all the time but brings light and warmth when he comes. I liked the reference to spring especially. Good luck in the poetry contest
Comment Written 22-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2020
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Thank you for reading my work.
Comment from rama devi
Touching and well voiced. Good emotional overtones and imagery. I like the parallel with the sun and how you extended it as well. I think this poem works fine as one solid block but might be improved by adding a line break or two for pause effect...for 'reflective breaths'. Also, I think the first ellipses is very good but the second one is not required. Using them twice weakens the effect. Additionally, I think using a dash after HALL in the last stanza would be ideal, and removing the dash after line two in the first would also be good, since the cap on the next line indicates it's a new sentence. Aside from that, it's polished and tight with just one spacing typo in the last line before the apostrophe on father's.
With above suggestions, here is a sample:
The sun lights up the sky
but it doesn't shine every day
My father was like the sun...
He didn't come home every day,
but when he did
it was as if the sun stepped in...
I heard a bunch of keys ringing in the hall--
their sound, like joyful bells in a voiceless void.
Starved for warmth, I would run to his arms.
My father's keys proclaimed spring.
Bless your dad and you!
Hugs,
rd
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Touching and well voiced. Good emotional overtones and imagery. I like the parallel with the sun and how you extended it as well. I think this poem works fine as one solid block but might be improved by adding a line break or two for pause effect...for 'reflective breaths'. Also, I think the first ellipses is very good but the second one is not required. Using them twice weakens the effect. Additionally, I think using a dash after HALL in the last stanza would be ideal, and removing the dash after line two in the first would also be good, since the cap on the next line indicates it's a new sentence. Aside from that, it's polished and tight with just one spacing typo in the last line before the apostrophe on father's.
With above suggestions, here is a sample:
The sun lights up the sky
but it doesn't shine every day
My father was like the sun...
He didn't come home every day,
but when he did
it was as if the sun stepped in...
I heard a bunch of keys ringing in the hall--
their sound, like joyful bells in a voiceless void.
Starved for warmth, I would run to his arms.
My father's keys proclaimed spring.
Bless your dad and you!
Hugs,
rd
Comment Written 22-Jun-2020
Comment from Margaret Bednar
their sound, like joyful bells in a voiceless void.
And the ending line - so well penned. I feel the need, the desire to be loved and the need to have a father in this little girl's life. Children love so fully and freely. Love really is earned - a father that wastes that heart, that time when love blossoms is at great risk of losing it. Mine did.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2020
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their sound, like joyful bells in a voiceless void.
And the ending line - so well penned. I feel the need, the desire to be loved and the need to have a father in this little girl's life. Children love so fully and freely. Love really is earned - a father that wastes that heart, that time when love blossoms is at great risk of losing it. Mine did.
Comment Written 22-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2020
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Thank you for reading my poem about my father.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello amada smiles to you for writing your free verse poem about how your dad made you fill with joy, when you heard the sound of his keys.
Gert
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2020
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Hello amada smiles to you for writing your free verse poem about how your dad made you fill with joy, when you heard the sound of his keys.
Gert
Comment Written 21-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2020
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Thank you, dear Gert.
