Waiting...
a 200 word story24 total reviews
Comment from RodG
This grim story is very bone-chilling because everything g revolves around ATMOSPHERE which you introduce in the very first sentence with the knocking on the door. Then two old women cringing in the darkness listening to a plea for help and the one line of dialog: "They're coming." Could be Germany in 1939 and Jews hiding or any third world country today under a dictatorship. Very well done in but 200 words. Rod
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2020
  |
This grim story is very bone-chilling because everything g revolves around ATMOSPHERE which you introduce in the very first sentence with the knocking on the door. Then two old women cringing in the darkness listening to a plea for help and the one line of dialog: "They're coming." Could be Germany in 1939 and Jews hiding or any third world country today under a dictatorship. Very well done in but 200 words. Rod
Comment Written 19-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2020
-
Hi there,
many thanks for the great rating of this one and your thoughts. I purposely didn't identify the time period as it's not the important element. Cheers.
-
You are right. It?s more fun to guess if it?s open-ended.
Comment from BethShelby
THis is an eerie story. The reader is left to wonder why these women are here. They are apparently hiding as well. It sounds almost like a WWII story where German soldiers are looking for people. The poor lady at the door has possible been shot. The women inside would have risked they own lives by letting her in. Nicely written.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2020
 |
THis is an eerie story. The reader is left to wonder why these women are here. They are apparently hiding as well. It sounds almost like a WWII story where German soldiers are looking for people. The poor lady at the door has possible been shot. The women inside would have risked they own lives by letting her in. Nicely written.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2020
-
Many thanks for the great response.I purposely didn't identify the time period as it's not the important element. Cheers.
Comment from Saramac
I really enjoyed this piece.
I like the way you build the tension as the knocks get louder, then - the voice starts.
The annoying thing with flash fiction is that you don't get your questions answered, like who are "they"? I'd love to more about the trouble the women are in.
Very chilling.
Just one typo to point out:
toward the doork. - should this be doorknob?
Well done, good luck in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2020
|
I really enjoyed this piece.
I like the way you build the tension as the knocks get louder, then - the voice starts.
The annoying thing with flash fiction is that you don't get your questions answered, like who are "they"? I'd love to more about the trouble the women are in.
Very chilling.
Just one typo to point out:
toward the doork. - should this be doorknob?
Well done, good luck in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2020
-
I purposely didn't identify the time period as it's not the important element.
Just curious as to why the four stars. Usually it's customary when giving the four for it to be accompanied with the reasons why and any areas of improvement which may be necessary. Many thanks.
-
Sorry, that was a mistake, I only review work if I can offer 5 or 6, but I've ammended it now :)
Comment from dmt1967
Emma tiptoed across the small room, reaching a trembling hand toward the (doork.) (doorknob)
This story had me at the edge of my seat. You had me from the start to the finish. Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2020
|
Emma tiptoed across the small room, reaching a trembling hand toward the (doork.) (doorknob)
This story had me at the edge of my seat. You had me from the start to the finish. Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2020
-
Many thanks. It was originally doorknob but I edited knob out - poorly as it turns out! lol
