Celtic Roots
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Conversations"Autobiography of an oldest son lost in a family
28 total reviews
Comment from RPSaxena
Hello JLR,
Nice piece of Biographical Non-Fiction having captivating flow throughout from the beginning to the end, and beautifully depicting the conversations between the writer and his inner child and thereby improvement in attitude from the negative attitude to the positive one.
The role of teacher, Mrs Judd, is particularly note worthy in refining the life of Jimmie.
Interesting Indeed!
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2020
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Hello JLR,
Nice piece of Biographical Non-Fiction having captivating flow throughout from the beginning to the end, and beautifully depicting the conversations between the writer and his inner child and thereby improvement in attitude from the negative attitude to the positive one.
The role of teacher, Mrs Judd, is particularly note worthy in refining the life of Jimmie.
Interesting Indeed!
Comment Written 18-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2020
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SAxena, yes all aspects of the growing up were great life lessons.
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JLR, Nice Acknowledgement!
With best wishes,
~ RP
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written story about yourself and the way the teacher humiliates a chic in front of his peers us definitely not acceptable. Most children that comes from poor families rise in their lives as adults above the poverty they know as a child.
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2020
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A very well-written story about yourself and the way the teacher humiliates a chic in front of his peers us definitely not acceptable. Most children that comes from poor families rise in their lives as adults above the poverty they know as a child.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2020
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Sandra, everyone does have the opportunity to rise up and grow into the there own productive selfhood.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
(typo: funereal s/b funeral) Eloquent and powerful--poignant and uplifting both--touching conversation between your selves--You did indeed "show her"--just as she challenged you to! Cheers. LIZ
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2020
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(typo: funereal s/b funeral) Eloquent and powerful--poignant and uplifting both--touching conversation between your selves--You did indeed "show her"--just as she challenged you to! Cheers. LIZ
Comment Written 18-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2020
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Thanks for catching the spag.
Comment from JudyE
Some children have very tough childhoods and never fully recover. I am glad you are now more at peace with your past.
I picked up a couple of small points:
It is 1966, April, and I sat attentively in my social studies class. Mrs. Judd is lecturing on government agencies and social welfare programs. Muscles tighten as I slump down further in my seat when the discussion starts swinging toward types of welfare programs available. - you've changed tense in this paragraph. It should be either 'sit - is lecturing - tighten' or 'sat - was lecturing - tightened'. I would suggest reading through the whole chapter looking only at the tenses used.
In a matter of three minutes, this statement rocks my world like no other thing up to this point had ever done. - I might have rearranged this to: 'In a matter of three minutes, this statement rocks my world like nothing had ever done up to this point.'
This experience propelled me for years to put my childhood and teenage years into a sealed container. - maybe 'For years, this experience propelled me to put my childhood and teenage years into a sealed container.'
It did not help that you started school early and were two-years younger - delete hyphen
whose funereal I avoided - spelling - funeral
Best wishes
Judy
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2020
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Some children have very tough childhoods and never fully recover. I am glad you are now more at peace with your past.
I picked up a couple of small points:
It is 1966, April, and I sat attentively in my social studies class. Mrs. Judd is lecturing on government agencies and social welfare programs. Muscles tighten as I slump down further in my seat when the discussion starts swinging toward types of welfare programs available. - you've changed tense in this paragraph. It should be either 'sit - is lecturing - tighten' or 'sat - was lecturing - tightened'. I would suggest reading through the whole chapter looking only at the tenses used.
In a matter of three minutes, this statement rocks my world like no other thing up to this point had ever done. - I might have rearranged this to: 'In a matter of three minutes, this statement rocks my world like nothing had ever done up to this point.'
This experience propelled me for years to put my childhood and teenage years into a sealed container. - maybe 'For years, this experience propelled me to put my childhood and teenage years into a sealed container.'
It did not help that you started school early and were two-years younger - delete hyphen
whose funereal I avoided - spelling - funeral
Best wishes
Judy
Comment Written 17-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2020
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Judy as always you provide the eyes and wisdom I so value! thank you!
Comment from Melissa Russell Deur
Even though you've found a way to forgive Mrs. Judd, I am still angry with her. She could have motivated you just as well with a private conversation instead of humiliating you in front of the class. Your situation makes a case for "All Lives Matter." Sometimes I think we attribute too many problems to race rather than economics. I'm glad you've let go of the need to be "perfect" because that is a burden to carry. In your last line, do you really mean "be just good enough" or should it be "just be good enough"?
(Tip: correct spelling is funeral, not funereal)
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2020
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Even though you've found a way to forgive Mrs. Judd, I am still angry with her. She could have motivated you just as well with a private conversation instead of humiliating you in front of the class. Your situation makes a case for "All Lives Matter." Sometimes I think we attribute too many problems to race rather than economics. I'm glad you've let go of the need to be "perfect" because that is a burden to carry. In your last line, do you really mean "be just good enough" or should it be "just be good enough"?
(Tip: correct spelling is funeral, not funereal)
Comment Written 17-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2020
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Melissa, you are so very correct! Race relations are but a a small part of the equation. thanks for catching the spag.
Comment from lyenochka
This is really well done and I wish you put it in the Share Your Story contest. I can't believe the arrogance of that teacher to single you out knowing that kind of information is confidential PLUS she had no reason to forecast those statistics on you. Immigrant children are especially hard-working and don't fit that kind of vicious cycle of the welfare system.
I liked how lovingly you spoke to your child self and I see that you've healed well through forgiveness!
"April, and I sat" (no comma needed. I assume April is a name. So just " April and I " -- the subject)
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2020
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This is really well done and I wish you put it in the Share Your Story contest. I can't believe the arrogance of that teacher to single you out knowing that kind of information is confidential PLUS she had no reason to forecast those statistics on you. Immigrant children are especially hard-working and don't fit that kind of vicious cycle of the welfare system.
I liked how lovingly you spoke to your child self and I see that you've healed well through forgiveness!
"April, and I sat" (no comma needed. I assume April is a name. So just " April and I " -- the subject)
Comment Written 17-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2020
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I reordered the first line thanks much!
Comment from Suzanna Ray
Dear JLR, I do not think FanStory was aware that the invitation to write a true story about your life, would elicit a need for so many of you to tell their life history and how they have managed to survive and the philosophies and strategies they they have adopted over the years to handle the realities of living on this planet where no one finds things the way they "should be"
You were not the only one to write so long a post!
How do you "review" a story like the one your have just written?
I have three more, waiting in line.
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2020
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Dear JLR, I do not think FanStory was aware that the invitation to write a true story about your life, would elicit a need for so many of you to tell their life history and how they have managed to survive and the philosophies and strategies they they have adopted over the years to handle the realities of living on this planet where no one finds things the way they "should be"
You were not the only one to write so long a post!
How do you "review" a story like the one your have just written?
I have three more, waiting in line.
Comment Written 17-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2020
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Suzanna, I am so very sorry about the length of my chapter in my autobiography. I find it hard to short change the moment when I can sit with the past and draw some reasonable conclusions from life and my world.
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Dear JLR, there is nothing to be sorry about, your story is terrific.
I was only commenting on the number of others who did what you did. Tell a story about their life, and even how it affects the things they write about.
Comment from zanya
Sentiments that pour out directly from the heart space told with passion and powerful emotion - it's very brave to write it on down on paper for other eyes to see - but who knows ? someone else may be inspired
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2020
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Sentiments that pour out directly from the heart space told with passion and powerful emotion - it's very brave to write it on down on paper for other eyes to see - but who knows ? someone else may be inspired
Comment Written 17-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2020
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zanya, if only my progeny read it then I hope that the see from a different lense.
Comment from Wabigoon
JLR
Nicely done. Not, maybe, how I would do it but hurrah for difference. I am on a new computer with a Windows operating system and have not figured out yet how to select and paste. I think it has something to do with the three little dots up in the upper right hand corner. But, I did not see any "spag" in your piece and probably would have left it if I had, a gesture in keeping with your message.
Best
Wabigoon/Jeff
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
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JLR
Nicely done. Not, maybe, how I would do it but hurrah for difference. I am on a new computer with a Windows operating system and have not figured out yet how to select and paste. I think it has something to do with the three little dots up in the upper right hand corner. But, I did not see any "spag" in your piece and probably would have left it if I had, a gesture in keeping with your message.
Best
Wabigoon/Jeff
Comment Written 17-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
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Jeff I really do appreciate your thoughts. Ths six-stars is awesome, thanks!
Comment from Cindy Decker
JLR, this is a wonderful true essay about things you experienced when you were younger. I had teachers like yours--who always saw the potential in all of us and pulled us aside to let us know it. My family was relatively poor- my father was a factory worker.
It is wonderful to be forgiven, but also great to forgive.
Nice essay.
Best Eishes,
Cindy
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
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JLR, this is a wonderful true essay about things you experienced when you were younger. I had teachers like yours--who always saw the potential in all of us and pulled us aside to let us know it. My family was relatively poor- my father was a factory worker.
It is wonderful to be forgiven, but also great to forgive.
Nice essay.
Best Eishes,
Cindy
Comment Written 17-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
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Cindy thank you for your words and sharing your honest reality growing up. I am certain, like me you would not want to change a thing, it is what has made us the people we are. And is not that the coolest thing?
