The Family Next Door
A child's lament39 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
That's a very good perspective from a child comparing how differently the table was from his own and the neighbor's. Hopefully, the conversation was more spiritually fulfilling at home. Best wishes in the contest!
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
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That's a very good perspective from a child comparing how differently the table was from his own and the neighbor's. Hopefully, the conversation was more spiritually fulfilling at home. Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 16-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
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lyenocka, thank you
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a good job with the prompt, Mystery Author. I enjoyed reading your poem although it is poignant. Your rhymes are good as is the smooth flow. Your story told has great details. I like the comparison although it tugs at one's heart. Thanks for sharing and best wishes.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
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You did a good job with the prompt, Mystery Author. I enjoyed reading your poem although it is poignant. Your rhymes are good as is the smooth flow. Your story told has great details. I like the comparison although it tugs at one's heart. Thanks for sharing and best wishes.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 16-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
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Jan thank you a snapshot from my childhood window.
Comment from Gloria ....
Excellent entry into the childhood contest, author. Your poem is clear and that you have focused on the dinner table is a great idea, because that is one of the primary areas of family life that immediately illustrates the vast differences between poverty, enough to get by, and wealth.
Excellent cadence and rhymes.
Just one small typo:
with a platter, plates, bowls, and real creme, (cream)
Great job with this, and I wish you much luck with the voters.
Gloria
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
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Excellent entry into the childhood contest, author. Your poem is clear and that you have focused on the dinner table is a great idea, because that is one of the primary areas of family life that immediately illustrates the vast differences between poverty, enough to get by, and wealth.
Excellent cadence and rhymes.
Just one small typo:
with a platter, plates, bowls, and real creme, (cream)
Great job with this, and I wish you much luck with the voters.
Gloria
Comment Written 16-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
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Hi Gloria, I used the English version of creme, I will change that
Comment from Amanda Louise Davis
The only thing that made this not get a five from me was the stanza about the dishes. I think that whole thing sounded off. Strains on dishes and then the flipping thing. The rest of this was awesome.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
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The only thing that made this not get a five from me was the stanza about the dishes. I think that whole thing sounded off. Strains on dishes and then the flipping thing. The rest of this was awesome.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
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Amanda, I must just say that my words describe reality from a child's eyes.
Our dishes with the cracks and a chip
or two showing strains from being thrown
but not shattered (heavy plastic dishes unlike china crack and chip but never shatter...)
the last time he did flip ( when a child sees a soused father suddenly goes from being calm and reasonable to raging and violent.. that to a child is a flip in this writers world)
Comment from papa55mike
I've always found it amazing how people right beside you can't see the pain next door. What a wonderfully written example of that point.
Good luck in the contest!
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
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I've always found it amazing how people right beside you can't see the pain next door. What a wonderfully written example of that point.
Good luck in the contest!
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
Comment Written 16-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
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Mike, thank you very much, you are so correct. We act so close but truly we are so far apart even with the people next door.
Comment from CPL
I can really relate to this childhood piece, and I especially love the last 2 lines and the imagery of your card table. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. So much of your story in such a small space. Well done.
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2020
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I can really relate to this childhood piece, and I especially love the last 2 lines and the imagery of your card table. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. So much of your story in such a small space. Well done.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2020
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CPL thank you!
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
The Family Next Door
Hello my friend
Interesting poem that made me think who were the neighbors next door. Great entry for the
Childhood writing prompt contest.
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2020
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The Family Next Door
Hello my friend
Interesting poem that made me think who were the neighbors next door. Great entry for the
Childhood writing prompt contest.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2020
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Gypsy, wow, thank you!
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
It sounds like your neighbour had plenty and your table was a little sparse and we remember those times as a little envy creeps in and we notice the difference as we are growing up, you painted a poignant picture here, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2020
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It sounds like your neighbour had plenty and your table was a little sparse and we remember those times as a little envy creeps in and we notice the difference as we are growing up, you painted a poignant picture here, love Dolly x
Comment Written 16-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2020
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Dolly, thank you.
Comment from ameen786
I enjoyed your wonderful reflections comparing two life-styles with poignant verses and superbly rhymed; you got a winner in this; good luck!
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2020
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I enjoyed your wonderful reflections comparing two life-styles with poignant verses and superbly rhymed; you got a winner in this; good luck!
Comment Written 16-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2020
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ameen, I am grateful for your positive six-star validation. I would not have wanted to change one day!
Comment from RodG
This snap-shot of childhood is surprisingly vivid as the Speaker compares meals at his house with those at his neighbor's. And your use of rhyme is so natural you hardly know it's there. Rod
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2020
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This snap-shot of childhood is surprisingly vivid as the Speaker compares meals at his house with those at his neighbor's. And your use of rhyme is so natural you hardly know it's there. Rod
Comment Written 16-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2020
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Rod, thanks much!
