Uuuuh....Wow!
Adrenaline is a many splendored thing...8 total reviews
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Well, I've read a lot of these competition pieces recently and in almost every case there's a substantial lawsuit waiting to happen! lol
This has a frenzied energy to it in the opening part. It's a nice change.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
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Hi there,
Well, I've read a lot of these competition pieces recently and in almost every case there's a substantial lawsuit waiting to happen! lol
This has a frenzied energy to it in the opening part. It's a nice change.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 17-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
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Yeah, lawyers have kindof snuffed out quite a bit of spontaneity... Thank you for the review!
Comment from Dawn Munro
Oh my... Words escape me in the flush of...Errr... Um... Is it hot in here?
LOL. Can't type a lot anyway. pCursor jumping back erases if I do not watch EACH letter. *sigh*
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
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Oh my... Words escape me in the flush of...Errr... Um... Is it hot in here?
LOL. Can't type a lot anyway. pCursor jumping back erases if I do not watch EACH letter. *sigh*
Comment Written 16-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
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lol! Thank you for the fun review!!
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LOL. M-o-s-t welcome.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
(hoard s/b horde (crowd)) This is cute--amusing bit with the purse falling--again--again--good description re rowdy bunch jostling you. Good luck. Cheers. LIZ
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
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(hoard s/b horde (crowd)) This is cute--amusing bit with the purse falling--again--again--good description re rowdy bunch jostling you. Good luck. Cheers. LIZ
Comment Written 15-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
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Many thanks for the review and the catch, Liz!
Comment from Melodie Michelle
Story was nicely presented and was clear and concise;-)
A suggestion would be to not overuse adjectives that don't fit the "attitude" of the story. For example:
If the story of fun the 1940's we wouldn't give them smart phones or we couldn't allow them to say, "Awwwww man!" That's not the type of language or equipment they had during their time period.
Overall great job;-) It is something I would want to read the next chapter in quickly;-)
Thanxxx for sharing;-)
God bless;-)
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
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Story was nicely presented and was clear and concise;-)
A suggestion would be to not overuse adjectives that don't fit the "attitude" of the story. For example:
If the story of fun the 1940's we wouldn't give them smart phones or we couldn't allow them to say, "Awwwww man!" That's not the type of language or equipment they had during their time period.
Overall great job;-) It is something I would want to read the next chapter in quickly;-)
Thanxxx for sharing;-)
God bless;-)
Comment Written 15-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
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Not sure to what you are referring as there is no 'awww man' or cell phone. Thank you for your time.
Comment from kahpot
Wonderfully written putting a few images in my mind, the scary one-hard to escape in the elevator-the mistaken one-though you were someone else- the uncontrolled one-I just gotta kiss this beautiful girl, which ever one I thoroughly enjoyed this read, best wishes for your contest****kahpot
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
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Wonderfully written putting a few images in my mind, the scary one-hard to escape in the elevator-the mistaken one-though you were someone else- the uncontrolled one-I just gotta kiss this beautiful girl, which ever one I thoroughly enjoyed this read, best wishes for your contest****kahpot
Comment Written 15-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
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Many thanks, kahpot, for your review!
Comment from lancellot
Very nice. It is well written short scene. I wonder how all the strangers just grabbing women by e head and kissing would work in real world. I've also noticed today, that every story this happens, the guy is always handsome.
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
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Very nice. It is well written short scene. I wonder how all the strangers just grabbing women by e head and kissing would work in real world. I've also noticed today, that every story this happens, the guy is always handsome.
Comment Written 15-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
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'Handsome' is always in the eye of the beholder... thus no more explanation but that one word - it allows the reader to 'picture' their own 'vision' of Handsome. Thank you for your review!
Comment from roof35
I like this very much. A fun read and your picture pairs perfectly with your words. The contest said to take flash fiction to the extreme and you did it beautifully.
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
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I like this very much. A fun read and your picture pairs perfectly with your words. The contest said to take flash fiction to the extreme and you did it beautifully.
Comment Written 15-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
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Many thanks, roof, for the great review!
Comment from Susan X Smith
This is a happy little story in keeping with the writing prompt. I was expecting something scarier from the way it started so the ending surprised me.
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
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This is a happy little story in keeping with the writing prompt. I was expecting something scarier from the way it started so the ending surprised me.
Comment Written 15-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
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Many thanks, Susan, for the great review!
