O My God and Mother Nature!
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Winter"Appreciation of God and Mother Nature
98 total reviews
Comment from goldferris
By the choice of your words and by the way they are laid out, you do a good job of representing winter. The reason why I gave you one less star than perfect is because of the punctuation. Each line of haiku is already singular and broken, but by adding commas in every line, if feels pretty choppy.
Then again, I do like the rhythm of each comma.
Good job!
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By the choice of your words and by the way they are laid out, you do a good job of representing winter. The reason why I gave you one less star than perfect is because of the punctuation. Each line of haiku is already singular and broken, but by adding commas in every line, if feels pretty choppy.
Then again, I do like the rhythm of each comma.
Good job!
Comment Written 15-Jul-2006
Comment from joyshri
You are the master of brevity. I salute you for your words, imagery, sound music and depth of feeling for the underprivileged. The contrasts shown in a few lines are masterful. Joyshri.
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You are the master of brevity. I salute you for your words, imagery, sound music and depth of feeling for the underprivileged. The contrasts shown in a few lines are masterful. Joyshri.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2006
Comment from Zenbud
Very well put together about the joys and saddness of winter - the rich can play and stay warm, while the poor suffer and freeze . . . a good and thoughtful write. Kairos
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Very well put together about the joys and saddness of winter - the rich can play and stay warm, while the poor suffer and freeze . . . a good and thoughtful write. Kairos
Comment Written 15-Jul-2006
Comment from Sue-z-Q
Review of Winter
Dear poet:
Thank you for sharing your lovely picture and your thoughts about the contrasts it conveys as you pointed out in your lead in. Crisp, cool snow on the ground offset by the sun's glow in the sky, promising a warmth yet to come, should inspire us all. Very nice indeed.
Sue-z-Q
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Review of Winter
Dear poet:
Thank you for sharing your lovely picture and your thoughts about the contrasts it conveys as you pointed out in your lead in. Crisp, cool snow on the ground offset by the sun's glow in the sky, promising a warmth yet to come, should inspire us all. Very nice indeed.
Sue-z-Q
Comment Written 15-Jul-2006
Comment from Dream Walker
Western writers of haiku seem to compose their works from such a unique mindset that it almost merits its own sub-form. Perhaps your haiku could form its own sub-form as well, maybe termed Concentrated Philosophical Haiku. Many traditional haiku were spiritual, and so often they showed a distinctly zen view, deep truths slyly confined in a simple little poem.
Your haiku is complex, mostly because the structure here is one of mirrored parallelism based on experience and subsequent impact and importance. The mirror is placed between the twin experiences of lines 1 and 2, and the relevance shown in line 3. The negative edge then the positive edge, mirror, the positive ramification then the negative ramification. Interesting use of rich and poor in a context not necessarily related to personal wealth. In one reading, the rich enjoy the winter and the poor dread it in suffering. In an alternate reading, the simple joys of the bright new world you see after a snowfall contrasted by poor suffering brought about by the chill and bite of the cold deep in the night.
And after that snow, when I have to commute to work on snow-snarled highways while I pass kids dismissed from school who ride sleds down sparkling hillsides. Applications can just go on and on. Well done indeed!
Dream Walker
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Western writers of haiku seem to compose their works from such a unique mindset that it almost merits its own sub-form. Perhaps your haiku could form its own sub-form as well, maybe termed Concentrated Philosophical Haiku. Many traditional haiku were spiritual, and so often they showed a distinctly zen view, deep truths slyly confined in a simple little poem.
Your haiku is complex, mostly because the structure here is one of mirrored parallelism based on experience and subsequent impact and importance. The mirror is placed between the twin experiences of lines 1 and 2, and the relevance shown in line 3. The negative edge then the positive edge, mirror, the positive ramification then the negative ramification. Interesting use of rich and poor in a context not necessarily related to personal wealth. In one reading, the rich enjoy the winter and the poor dread it in suffering. In an alternate reading, the simple joys of the bright new world you see after a snowfall contrasted by poor suffering brought about by the chill and bite of the cold deep in the night.
And after that snow, when I have to commute to work on snow-snarled highways while I pass kids dismissed from school who ride sleds down sparkling hillsides. Applications can just go on and on. Well done indeed!
Dream Walker
Comment Written 15-Jul-2006
Comment from Writer for Hire
I really liked this story, and I saw no problems with it so you get 5 stars.
I really liked the picture, you chose a good picture for Winter and it added a lot to your poem. You just chose a good picture in general though, good job there.
As far as structure goes you stayed true to your syllables, so that was fine.
You did an excellent job of packing a lot of meaning into those 3 lines. I felt as though you conveyed your feelings clearly and helped me feel as though I was in your feet. Like I said, you only had 17 syllables to do it so good job.
I suppose that the best compliment I can give this, is that I have nothing to say. Normally I have something bad to say, but for this I don't.
I would definetely recommend this to someone else.
Thanks for sharing this with fanstory so that I could read this.
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I really liked this story, and I saw no problems with it so you get 5 stars.
I really liked the picture, you chose a good picture for Winter and it added a lot to your poem. You just chose a good picture in general though, good job there.
As far as structure goes you stayed true to your syllables, so that was fine.
You did an excellent job of packing a lot of meaning into those 3 lines. I felt as though you conveyed your feelings clearly and helped me feel as though I was in your feet. Like I said, you only had 17 syllables to do it so good job.
I suppose that the best compliment I can give this, is that I have nothing to say. Normally I have something bad to say, but for this I don't.
I would definetely recommend this to someone else.
Thanks for sharing this with fanstory so that I could read this.
Comment Written 14-Jul-2006
Comment from Renee' J Thomas
I like this one, it is so true that the cold chills us throught and through but the sight of the snow is so bright and cheery, such contracts at work there. I like the picture you chose for the poem too, I think that helped!
good job
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I like this one, it is so true that the cold chills us throught and through but the sight of the snow is so bright and cheery, such contracts at work there. I like the picture you chose for the poem too, I think that helped!
good job
Comment Written 14-Jul-2006
Comment from lkdunny
This was a truly lovely Haiku. The picture was a wonderful chose to accompany this piece. So little written, but so much said. You did a superb job writing this traditional piece, keeping with all the proper forms. Well done. lkdunny
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This was a truly lovely Haiku. The picture was a wonderful chose to accompany this piece. So little written, but so much said. You did a superb job writing this traditional piece, keeping with all the proper forms. Well done. lkdunny
Comment Written 14-Jul-2006
Comment from Swtdreamz
Snow chills, bites night souls- mm it felt cold for a moment there
Cheers, feels bright sight in daylight- at least it's in the daylight- otherwise i'd just be spooked
Rich joys, poor suffers!- well actually...more often then not- they both suffer
good job
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Snow chills, bites night souls- mm it felt cold for a moment there
Cheers, feels bright sight in daylight- at least it's in the daylight- otherwise i'd just be spooked
Rich joys, poor suffers!- well actually...more often then not- they both suffer
good job
Comment Written 14-Jul-2006
Comment from texyankeefan
Beautiful Haiku. I loved the phases and the fact you used the traditional methods. The picture goes well with the words expressed.
Very good job of this style
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Beautiful Haiku. I loved the phases and the fact you used the traditional methods. The picture goes well with the words expressed.
Very good job of this style
Comment Written 14-Jul-2006
