St Louis
Viewing comments for Chapter 69 "St. Louis Chapter 29 part 2"Can McKenzie solve Megan Nelson?s murder?
21 total reviews
Comment from CandySoda777
I like the details and the characters. I do think the prayer is a bit long, maybe shorten it, because if it is a repetitive thing, you want it to be short and memorable. Keep writing! :)
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2020
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I like the details and the characters. I do think the prayer is a bit long, maybe shorten it, because if it is a repetitive thing, you want it to be short and memorable. Keep writing! :)
Comment Written 07-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2020
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I was afraid of shortening it because it's the actual prayer Special Forces uses. It's either the whole thing or nothing. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from BethShelby
I think including the prayer is a good idea. I didn't even know about it and out found that very interesting. This was another good chapter. It tells us a lot about Logan an his background. I'm anxious to see how all this goes down.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2020
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I think including the prayer is a good idea. I didn't even know about it and out found that very interesting. This was another good chapter. It tells us a lot about Logan an his background. I'm anxious to see how all this goes down.
Comment Written 07-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2020
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Margaret Bednar
"Simon nodded in agreement, as Logan addressed Bill's questioning look, "The Special Forces Prayer. It's said before every mission. It was written in 1961 by Army Chaplin, John Stevey. He was assigned to the Green Berets stationed at Fort Bragg. They were due to ship out to Vietnam, to Laos to be precise, to train soldiers. The commanding officer was General William Yarborough. He wanted Stevey to write a prayer that would remind the men at all times of the spiritual nature of their mission. We've kept that tradition."
This bit before the prayer feels "forced". It is of course interesting, but for me, it's too... "starchy". Too textbook feeling? I'm not sure how to explain it. Just out of context. Not conversational... ?
I don't mind the prayer itself... just the explanation leading up to it (I think) needs to me modified (shorter, and more conversational...?)
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2020
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"Simon nodded in agreement, as Logan addressed Bill's questioning look, "The Special Forces Prayer. It's said before every mission. It was written in 1961 by Army Chaplin, John Stevey. He was assigned to the Green Berets stationed at Fort Bragg. They were due to ship out to Vietnam, to Laos to be precise, to train soldiers. The commanding officer was General William Yarborough. He wanted Stevey to write a prayer that would remind the men at all times of the spiritual nature of their mission. We've kept that tradition."
This bit before the prayer feels "forced". It is of course interesting, but for me, it's too... "starchy". Too textbook feeling? I'm not sure how to explain it. Just out of context. Not conversational... ?
I don't mind the prayer itself... just the explanation leading up to it (I think) needs to me modified (shorter, and more conversational...?)
Comment Written 07-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2020
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Thank you for the input. I was wondering about that too. I was afraid, if I didn't explain it people would ask. I will rethink it.
Comment from Shirley McLain
Excellent chapter as always. You have everything ready to get Mac rescued. I didn't find any errors. You did a great job. To answer your question about the prayer, I don't think it has to be put in this chapter. It doesn't really add to the story. Have a wonderful day, my friend. Shirley
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2020
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Excellent chapter as always. You have everything ready to get Mac rescued. I didn't find any errors. You did a great job. To answer your question about the prayer, I don't think it has to be put in this chapter. It doesn't really add to the story. Have a wonderful day, my friend. Shirley
Comment Written 07-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2020
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Thank you for your vote. So far, you are the only negative vote. Maybe there will be more.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Nice idea of including the prayer before the rescue mission, it adds an act of mysticism to the mission. I hope all will be well when it ends well. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2020
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Nice idea of including the prayer before the rescue mission, it adds an act of mysticism to the mission. I hope all will be well when it ends well. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
Comment Written 07-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2020
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Ulla
Hi Barbara, I liked this chapter a lot and the emerging emotions come through very well.
As for the prayer. I would start on the first verse and then let it peter out with: . . . I think it would have much more effect and emotion.
Just a few things I found.
Once everyone arrived at a warehouse, Bill opened the padlocked door. "Inside are an unmarked van and enough fire power to take down a small country." = Once everyone arrived at the warehouse, Bill opened the padlocked door. Inside were an unmarked ...
The men nodded, but Trey teased, "Sure glad we didn't have to wear this while active duty." = ... while on active duty
"That being said, we'll try not kill her captors so we can find who's in charge." = "That being said, we'll try not to kill her captors ...
Looking forward to what's next. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2020
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Hi Barbara, I liked this chapter a lot and the emerging emotions come through very well.
As for the prayer. I would start on the first verse and then let it peter out with: . . . I think it would have much more effect and emotion.
Just a few things I found.
Once everyone arrived at a warehouse, Bill opened the padlocked door. "Inside are an unmarked van and enough fire power to take down a small country." = Once everyone arrived at the warehouse, Bill opened the padlocked door. Inside were an unmarked ...
The men nodded, but Trey teased, "Sure glad we didn't have to wear this while active duty." = ... while on active duty
"That being said, we'll try not kill her captors so we can find who's in charge." = "That being said, we'll try not to kill her captors ...
Looking forward to what's next. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 07-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2020
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Thank you for the help. I always appreciate the help. I have made corrections.
Comment from Diana Kane
I think the prayer is fine. Your explanation of it Gives it authenticity. There was one word choice that I thought might be better. That was...waiting was horrible. Horrible could be something else. Draining? Extremely frustrating? seemed never ending? Exhausting? I don't know... Something More descriptive. Other than that, I felt like it was intense and gave the reader a reason to keep reading.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2020
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I think the prayer is fine. Your explanation of it Gives it authenticity. There was one word choice that I thought might be better. That was...waiting was horrible. Horrible could be something else. Draining? Extremely frustrating? seemed never ending? Exhausting? I don't know... Something More descriptive. Other than that, I felt like it was intense and gave the reader a reason to keep reading.
Comment Written 07-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2020
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Thank you, I will change that word. You're correct. I think I like frustrating.
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👍. That works! Have a great day!
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
As you expect a reviewer opinion, I would say, assuming that you have not yet decided to make your excellent and saleable novel a bit larger with more flowing characterization and plot development, you may include Special Forces Prayer and it would enhance the characters more realistic and flown and appealing to the cause of thematic better manifestation with making readers more involved in the read with diversification; well said, well done; thanks for sharing this; keep writing. ALCREATOR
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reply by the author on 07-Jun-2020
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As you expect a reviewer opinion, I would say, assuming that you have not yet decided to make your excellent and saleable novel a bit larger with more flowing characterization and plot development, you may include Special Forces Prayer and it would enhance the characters more realistic and flown and appealing to the cause of thematic better manifestation with making readers more involved in the read with diversification; well said, well done; thanks for sharing this; keep writing. ALCREATOR
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2020
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Thank you for your opinion. Yes, I do want it. The entire novel is about 85,000 words, so words aren't a problem. LOL
Comment from judiverse
This is so exciting! I like the way you describe all the measures the men are taking as they attempt to rescue Mac. Logan blames himself that he let Mac stay by herself, but he couldn't have foreseen what was going to happen. I'm glad Edger is going to be okay. Logan says he feels like he and his team are being watched, and they probably are. He gets the helicopter to fly over where they think Mac is being held to get an idea of how many they're dealing with. As to the Special Forces Prayer, I think it would be good to include it, but I'd suggest leaving out the reference to its origins. In crisis time, I don't think they'd be thinking of where the pray originated. I'll certainly be looking forward to reading about the rescue. judi
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2020
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This is so exciting! I like the way you describe all the measures the men are taking as they attempt to rescue Mac. Logan blames himself that he let Mac stay by herself, but he couldn't have foreseen what was going to happen. I'm glad Edger is going to be okay. Logan says he feels like he and his team are being watched, and they probably are. He gets the helicopter to fly over where they think Mac is being held to get an idea of how many they're dealing with. As to the Special Forces Prayer, I think it would be good to include it, but I'd suggest leaving out the reference to its origins. In crisis time, I don't think they'd be thinking of where the pray originated. I'll certainly be looking forward to reading about the rescue. judi
Comment Written 07-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2020
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Hadn't thought of that. Good idea. I was worried about how much to put in. Thank you.
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You're very welcome. judi
Comment from roof35
I think the prayer should be included. I think it adds to the character of the special forces team members. A couple of minor things so the can fix them if you agree: 1) think you meant "on" active duty. Just left out the word. 2) I question "blessed off" -- maybe a little change there. Otherwise this is great and enjoyed reading it.
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reply by the author on 07-Jun-2020
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I think the prayer should be included. I think it adds to the character of the special forces team members. A couple of minor things so the can fix them if you agree: 1) think you meant "on" active duty. Just left out the word. 2) I question "blessed off" -- maybe a little change there. Otherwise this is great and enjoyed reading it.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2020
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Thank you for the kind review. I will recheck those area.
