The Warning
A Pantoum46 total reviews
Comment from catch22
Hi Tony, this is a very tough poem for me to read and I am sure it was even tougher for you to write. It reads like a dirge for innocence lost. I thought the pantoum was well executed and the modifications worked well to change the meaning of the lines in each stanza. Very evocative write.
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2020
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Hi Tony, this is a very tough poem for me to read and I am sure it was even tougher for you to write. It reads like a dirge for innocence lost. I thought the pantoum was well executed and the modifications worked well to change the meaning of the lines in each stanza. Very evocative write.
Comment Written 01-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2020
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Thank you very much for your review, Pam. I appreciate your comments. All good wishes, Tony
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You are very welcome.
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
Very well done. This poem you have written is rife with imagery. The source of your inspiration, George Floyd's murder, is atrocious. I understand the calm protests but I abhor the rioting, the violence, and the looting. I pray for George and for the country that is out of control. :)Ralf
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2020
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Very well done. This poem you have written is rife with imagery. The source of your inspiration, George Floyd's murder, is atrocious. I understand the calm protests but I abhor the rioting, the violence, and the looting. I pray for George and for the country that is out of control. :)Ralf
Comment Written 01-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2020
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Thank you very much for your review, Raffaelina. I appreciate your comments. All good wishes, Tony
Comment from Margaret Bednar
The protesting certainly will get results - it should never have taken 4 days to arrest the policeman that murdered George Floyd. Your poem sends shivers through me - those worms - and his pleading... we all watched the video in horror. Gently, indeed - we need to honor his memory, yet we must make sure justice is served! This poem does not hide from the horror ...
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2020
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The protesting certainly will get results - it should never have taken 4 days to arrest the policeman that murdered George Floyd. Your poem sends shivers through me - those worms - and his pleading... we all watched the video in horror. Gently, indeed - we need to honor his memory, yet we must make sure justice is served! This poem does not hide from the horror ...
Comment Written 01-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2020
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Thanks for your comments, Margaret. The current situation certainly seems to be dire. Keep safe.
Best wishes, Tony
Comment from duchessofdrumborg
"The Warning", is an extremely well-written and heart-wrenching piece. This chilling poem has me on my knees in despair. When did true justice disappear into the ether? I look forward to seeing your next post.
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2020
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"The Warning", is an extremely well-written and heart-wrenching piece. This chilling poem has me on my knees in despair. When did true justice disappear into the ether? I look forward to seeing your next post.
Comment Written 01-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2020
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Thanks for the review, Duchess. Justice? An increasingly rare commodity, I'm afraid - especially for the underprivileged.
Tony,
as always, you're very welcome.
Justice is indeed a rare commodity.
God bless and keep sharing!
the Duchess
Comment from DeboraDyess
What a nightmarish week for our country. I cannot believe that a man sworn to protect us did this. although ... I just shake my head and try to understand.
YOur poem is haunting and a tribute to Mr. Flloyd.
No corrections or suggesitons. Just sad that you had the opportunity to write this, though it's beautifully done.
Be blessed,
Deb
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2020
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What a nightmarish week for our country. I cannot believe that a man sworn to protect us did this. although ... I just shake my head and try to understand.
YOur poem is haunting and a tribute to Mr. Flloyd.
No corrections or suggesitons. Just sad that you had the opportunity to write this, though it's beautifully done.
Be blessed,
Deb
Comment Written 01-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2020
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Thanks for your review, Deb. A horrific incident and one that will live in the memory for a long time. Thanks for your review and comments.
Comment from rama devi
A truly tragic event, with intense repercussions. This is so powerful and intense. Took my breath away!
On a craft level, too, this is an outstanding, memorable and musically well-cadenced write. Superb form, rhymes, flow and delivery. I especially applaud your use of indents for pause effect. One optional comma suggestion:
Kneel gently on his bones(,) tonight,
for pity's sake.
The repetition of lines and of PLED is so apt, since he repeated he could not breathe, over and over and over. It boggles my mind that these things happen. Traumatic truth.
This poem really grabbed me. Wow.
Warmly,
rd
reply by the author on 31-May-2020
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A truly tragic event, with intense repercussions. This is so powerful and intense. Took my breath away!
On a craft level, too, this is an outstanding, memorable and musically well-cadenced write. Superb form, rhymes, flow and delivery. I especially applaud your use of indents for pause effect. One optional comma suggestion:
Kneel gently on his bones(,) tonight,
for pity's sake.
The repetition of lines and of PLED is so apt, since he repeated he could not breathe, over and over and over. It boggles my mind that these things happen. Traumatic truth.
This poem really grabbed me. Wow.
Warmly,
rd
Comment Written 31-May-2020
reply by the author on 31-May-2020
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Thank you, RD. I'm glad it resonated and, as always, I'm grateful for the sixth star. What an appalling act of racism. I could not help making a comment.
It's good to know that you thought my variation on the normal presentation of a pantoum was successful. I did it to reduce the singsong effect, to emphasise the meaning and to heighten the dramatic effect.
I've thought about you comma suggestion and decided in this instance to leave it out, for I really want the line to flow with an emphatic pause at the end of the line. There was no pity in the daytime kneeling.
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Thanks for your thoughtful and gracious response, my friend. It's utterly appalling, indeed. Your poem certainly heightens the dramatic effect most skillfully!
Warly, rd
Comment from Cindy Decker
Tfawcus, I, myself, am hurt by what I saw on television the other night because a gentle man's pleas for life were ignored by authority figures who killed him in front of many people. (This kind of hold was rampant in mental institutions, and barred just a few years ago because of the myriad deaths this caused). To further my disbelief, Floyd was initially arrested because he (probably unwittingly) passed a counterfeit $20. A man's life for $20.
Your poem is stirring and beautiful. A strong testament to a man much of America now loves. I love your last sentence, it really touched my heart.
Exceptional poem.
God bless
Good luck in writing always,
Cindy
reply by the author on 31-May-2020
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Tfawcus, I, myself, am hurt by what I saw on television the other night because a gentle man's pleas for life were ignored by authority figures who killed him in front of many people. (This kind of hold was rampant in mental institutions, and barred just a few years ago because of the myriad deaths this caused). To further my disbelief, Floyd was initially arrested because he (probably unwittingly) passed a counterfeit $20. A man's life for $20.
Your poem is stirring and beautiful. A strong testament to a man much of America now loves. I love your last sentence, it really touched my heart.
Exceptional poem.
God bless
Good luck in writing always,
Cindy
Comment Written 31-May-2020
reply by the author on 31-May-2020
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Thanks, Cindy. A horrific event. I am often aghast at man's inhumanity to man.
Comment from Cindy Warren
It's awful what happened to George Floyd, but he needs justice, not revenge. I don't see how the rioting and property damage will help. The cops responsible need to pay, the people having their property destroyed do not. I don't understand what the rioters are thinking.
reply by the author on 31-May-2020
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It's awful what happened to George Floyd, but he needs justice, not revenge. I don't see how the rioting and property damage will help. The cops responsible need to pay, the people having their property destroyed do not. I don't understand what the rioters are thinking.
Comment Written 31-May-2020
reply by the author on 31-May-2020
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Thanks, Cindy. A horrific event. I am often aghast at man's inhumanity to man.
Comment from Alchera
The variation of this Pantoum quatrains is well done and works well for its aim. I read about George Floyd's death before reading and once more I must say that if the American police behave wrongly with their own American citizens, due to unbearable hatred among the different discrimination that exists you can imagine what happened to me as a group leader one summer at the airport police in Los Angeles with a woman agent that didn't want to let my last pupils come across the gate.
Once more racism and discontent are taking over many hotheads it will increase more and more with this world pandemic today. As usual, your work and chosen subject are beautifully executed and presented.
reply by the author on 31-May-2020
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The variation of this Pantoum quatrains is well done and works well for its aim. I read about George Floyd's death before reading and once more I must say that if the American police behave wrongly with their own American citizens, due to unbearable hatred among the different discrimination that exists you can imagine what happened to me as a group leader one summer at the airport police in Los Angeles with a woman agent that didn't want to let my last pupils come across the gate.
Once more racism and discontent are taking over many hotheads it will increase more and more with this world pandemic today. As usual, your work and chosen subject are beautifully executed and presented.
Comment Written 31-May-2020
reply by the author on 31-May-2020
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Very many thanks for your review and comments, Alchera. I don't often comment on current events, but this was a particularly horrific crime and amplified by subsequent events.
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Tony, we are retired hard working men of taught school life and travellers, all experienced on our own skin, revolving our problems on the lived life's spot , and culture has given us the faculty to interphere and interweave as we like what is necessary to be said. Have a bright day! Blessings. Tony
Comment from nancy_e_davis
It was indeed a terrible thing. How that officer dared do that with so many people watching. Man's inhumanity to man. Cruel and unusual punishment for being black? Was the officer a racist? God Speed George. He is in a better place. Good job, Tony. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 31-May-2020
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It was indeed a terrible thing. How that officer dared do that with so many people watching. Man's inhumanity to man. Cruel and unusual punishment for being black? Was the officer a racist? God Speed George. He is in a better place. Good job, Tony. Nancy:)
Comment Written 31-May-2020
reply by the author on 31-May-2020
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A horrific event. I don't often comment on world news, but this was barbaric.
