The Blue Ridge
There is only one Blue Ridge ... it could not be duplicated26 total reviews
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Beautifully done JLR, your repeated line works really well and your descriptions, told with awe and wonderment really gives the reader a sense of this landscape you've chosen to share with us.Loved this one,
cheers,
valda
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2020
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Beautifully done JLR, your repeated line works really well and your descriptions, told with awe and wonderment really gives the reader a sense of this landscape you've chosen to share with us.Loved this one,
cheers,
valda
Comment Written 05-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2020
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Pearl, I am quite honored to receive your six-star review on this poem. Thank you so much!
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You're most welcome, and well deserved.
Comment from robyn corum
JLR,
We live about five hours from the Tennessee Smokies (Gatlinburg/ Sevierville). The Blue Ridge mountain range is a little further to the East, but they all kinda flow together. The whole mountainous area of the Southeastern US is just gorgeous!
This is a lovely poem for the most recent Potlatch Club challenge. I enjoyed the content QUITE a lot and appreciate the fact that you're highlighting this area of our country. Kudos!
Unfortunately, I did see a few issues with this post -- sorry! One of the biggest ones is the basic composition of the poem so that it meets the Club requirements. One thing is that you have neglected or overlooked to focus on that descending/ repeating sentence -- important since that is what makes a random poem transform into a 'quatern'.
I've offered a couple other suggestions -- noted below -- so that, with a bit of editing, you'll be good to go. *smile* AND you'll have a really special poem featuring the spectacular BEAUTY of the mountainous ranges of Eastern Tennessee.
Notes:
1.) Need to make sure that your special repeating line appears in each stanza - AND that it descends through each successive verse by one line. [I'm showing it here in all caps so you'll be able to see it clearly. Obviously, you won't want to capitalize the edited version. *smile* (Be sure you understand that, though I offer suggestions here and there, you are not required to do things my way. You don't even have to LIKE my ideas. ha]
--> The closest thing you have to a repeating line right now is: 'when one utters the words, Blue Ridge' - but that line only appears in the first and second stanzas, so we'll need to add it to the others.
--> The repeating line should make its first appearance as line one in verse one. In the second stanza, the line should drop to line two. *Then third line in third stanza and fourth line in the fourth stanza.
--> I'm gonna offer some ideas so you can get some editing ideas? (Hopefully.)
Your poem as it now stands:
***
A soul need to not say mountains
when one utters the words, Blue Ridge
with those, not so, crystal clear views
atop western NC mountains.
When one utters the words, Blue Ridge
your mind's eye sees smokey mountains
covered with ash, poplar, hemlock,
maple, birch, laurel ... some pine too,
with those not so crystal clear views,
standing in awe of the wonder
of a mighty Creator so
unmistakenly artistic.
Atop western NC mountains
time does slow to a calmer pace
your breath comes in even crisper
you do strain to hear God's whisper!
***
With some edits:
WHEN ONE UTTERS THE WORDS, 'BLUE RIDGE',
A soul need(s) to not say mountains
with those, not so, crystal clear views
atop western NC mountains.
your mind's eye sees smokey mountains
WHEN ONE UTTERS THE WORDS, 'BLUE RIDGE'(,)
covered with ash, poplar, hemlock,
maple, birch, laurel ... some pine(,) too,
with those not so crystal clear views,
standing in awe of the wonder
-WHEN ONE UTTERS THE WORDS, 'BLUE RIDGE'
of an artistic Creator.
time here slows to a calmer pace
your breath comes in even crisper
you do strain to hear God's whisper--
WHEN ONE UTTERS THE WORDS, 'BLUE RIDGE'!
***
I hope this all makes sense for you. Thanks and good luck!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2020
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JLR,
We live about five hours from the Tennessee Smokies (Gatlinburg/ Sevierville). The Blue Ridge mountain range is a little further to the East, but they all kinda flow together. The whole mountainous area of the Southeastern US is just gorgeous!
This is a lovely poem for the most recent Potlatch Club challenge. I enjoyed the content QUITE a lot and appreciate the fact that you're highlighting this area of our country. Kudos!
Unfortunately, I did see a few issues with this post -- sorry! One of the biggest ones is the basic composition of the poem so that it meets the Club requirements. One thing is that you have neglected or overlooked to focus on that descending/ repeating sentence -- important since that is what makes a random poem transform into a 'quatern'.
I've offered a couple other suggestions -- noted below -- so that, with a bit of editing, you'll be good to go. *smile* AND you'll have a really special poem featuring the spectacular BEAUTY of the mountainous ranges of Eastern Tennessee.
Notes:
1.) Need to make sure that your special repeating line appears in each stanza - AND that it descends through each successive verse by one line. [I'm showing it here in all caps so you'll be able to see it clearly. Obviously, you won't want to capitalize the edited version. *smile* (Be sure you understand that, though I offer suggestions here and there, you are not required to do things my way. You don't even have to LIKE my ideas. ha]
--> The closest thing you have to a repeating line right now is: 'when one utters the words, Blue Ridge' - but that line only appears in the first and second stanzas, so we'll need to add it to the others.
--> The repeating line should make its first appearance as line one in verse one. In the second stanza, the line should drop to line two. *Then third line in third stanza and fourth line in the fourth stanza.
--> I'm gonna offer some ideas so you can get some editing ideas? (Hopefully.)
Your poem as it now stands:
***
A soul need to not say mountains
when one utters the words, Blue Ridge
with those, not so, crystal clear views
atop western NC mountains.
When one utters the words, Blue Ridge
your mind's eye sees smokey mountains
covered with ash, poplar, hemlock,
maple, birch, laurel ... some pine too,
with those not so crystal clear views,
standing in awe of the wonder
of a mighty Creator so
unmistakenly artistic.
Atop western NC mountains
time does slow to a calmer pace
your breath comes in even crisper
you do strain to hear God's whisper!
***
With some edits:
WHEN ONE UTTERS THE WORDS, 'BLUE RIDGE',
A soul need(s) to not say mountains
with those, not so, crystal clear views
atop western NC mountains.
your mind's eye sees smokey mountains
WHEN ONE UTTERS THE WORDS, 'BLUE RIDGE'(,)
covered with ash, poplar, hemlock,
maple, birch, laurel ... some pine(,) too,
with those not so crystal clear views,
standing in awe of the wonder
-WHEN ONE UTTERS THE WORDS, 'BLUE RIDGE'
of an artistic Creator.
time here slows to a calmer pace
your breath comes in even crisper
you do strain to hear God's whisper--
WHEN ONE UTTERS THE WORDS, 'BLUE RIDGE'!
***
I hope this all makes sense for you. Thanks and good luck!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2020
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Robyn i am so mad at myself! I had this formatted correctly then ....I read a comment and they totally had it all wrong an dum me I changed it to their suggestions. I am going back to my original with adding in some of your great input...FYI I live 30 minutes from the parkway outside of Asheville, we are nearly neighbors. Always appreciate you!
Comment from duchessofdrumborg
"The Blue Ridge", is an extremely well-written and delightfully descriptive piece. It was a pleasure to read and review this talented poet's work. I look forward to seeing your next post.
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2020
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"The Blue Ridge", is an extremely well-written and delightfully descriptive piece. It was a pleasure to read and review this talented poet's work. I look forward to seeing your next post.
Comment Written 01-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2020
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Thank you Duchess, have a super week!
JLR,
thank you, you have a super week too!
God bless, take care and keep sharing,
the Duchess
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You described a beautiful landscape with your cub entry. I enjoyed reading it. I could picture this as I read it. Good job with the quatern style. Your words flow smoothly with great imagery. Thanks for sharing. Also, you picture is super.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2020
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You described a beautiful landscape with your cub entry. I enjoyed reading it. I could picture this as I read it. Good job with the quatern style. Your words flow smoothly with great imagery. Thanks for sharing. Also, you picture is super.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 31-May-2020
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2020
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Jan, thank you
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written Quatern about the picture if the NC mountains that provides a smokey terrain on the blue ridge.
I find two lines that is not according to the format of the Quatern
Line 1 is the repeating line and should be the same through out the poem
A man(soul) need to not say mountains
Line 4 is repeated as the first line of stanza 4, it is not according to the rules.
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2020
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A very well-written Quatern about the picture if the NC mountains that provides a smokey terrain on the blue ridge.
I find two lines that is not according to the format of the Quatern
Line 1 is the repeating line and should be the same through out the poem
A man(soul) need to not say mountains
Line 4 is repeated as the first line of stanza 4, it is not according to the rules.
Comment Written 31-May-2020
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2020
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Thank you.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
"A soul need to not say mountains" I didnt quite get this line? Perhaps you mean your soul in in these mountains, not sure, reading on I enjoyed your connection to the mountains, their natural art and mystique, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 31-May-2020
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"A soul need to not say mountains" I didnt quite get this line? Perhaps you mean your soul in in these mountains, not sure, reading on I enjoyed your connection to the mountains, their natural art and mystique, love Dolly x
Comment Written 31-May-2020
reply by the author on 31-May-2020
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Thanks I thought that might be a stumbling block, I corrected. Have a superior week of discovery.
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
Very nicely done. Your Quatrain poem does the Blue Ridge justice when you say one need not say mountains. They are majestic and you reflect their beauty in your imagery. We spent two weeks travelling through that Blue Ridge in 1955 and stopped at every place to view each time a different beautiful scene. :)Ralf
reply by the author on 31-May-2020
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Very nicely done. Your Quatrain poem does the Blue Ridge justice when you say one need not say mountains. They are majestic and you reflect their beauty in your imagery. We spent two weeks travelling through that Blue Ridge in 1955 and stopped at every place to view each time a different beautiful scene. :)Ralf
Comment Written 30-May-2020
reply by the author on 31-May-2020
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Raif, get memories, I am sure!
Comment from artisart4u
The Blue Ridge does bring memories to mind. When I am heading to VA to see my grand mom's family- my aunties, uncles and their children, I look at the view. Everything about the ride is dear to me and looking at the mountains as we rode and rode for hours was awesome. The red dirt, country life and so much more is something you don't forget.
I see your topic is landscape and you noted some trees. People in that area you mentioned do brag about their trees. My state has beautiful fall foliage. God's work is something to behold.
People who love the outdoors- camping, fishing and etc. probably take a moment and read your work. It takes your mind off of the everyday hustle and bustle.
reply by the author on 31-May-2020
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The Blue Ridge does bring memories to mind. When I am heading to VA to see my grand mom's family- my aunties, uncles and their children, I look at the view. Everything about the ride is dear to me and looking at the mountains as we rode and rode for hours was awesome. The red dirt, country life and so much more is something you don't forget.
I see your topic is landscape and you noted some trees. People in that area you mentioned do brag about their trees. My state has beautiful fall foliage. God's work is something to behold.
People who love the outdoors- camping, fishing and etc. probably take a moment and read your work. It takes your mind off of the everyday hustle and bustle.
Comment Written 30-May-2020
reply by the author on 31-May-2020
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artistart4u, I do thankyou fro your reflection.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
The Blue Ridge
by JLR
Hello my friend
Great entry for the Potlatch Poetry Quatern about the Topic--Landscape challenge. Your words are very descriptive. My only suggestion is to reconsider writing NC for north Carolina....I would. Abriviations don't seem right in poetry.
reply by the author on 31-May-2020
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The Blue Ridge
by JLR
Hello my friend
Great entry for the Potlatch Poetry Quatern about the Topic--Landscape challenge. Your words are very descriptive. My only suggestion is to reconsider writing NC for north Carolina....I would. Abriviations don't seem right in poetry.
Comment Written 30-May-2020
reply by the author on 31-May-2020
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Due to the restriction of eight syllables per stanza, I had to reluctantly use abbreviations- thanks, as always, for your clear insight.
Comment from ameen786
A beautifully composed poem with descriptive verses...sorta ode to the Blue Ridge mountains; reminds me of a song from John Denver during my college days. Picture perfect poem, thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 31-May-2020
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A beautifully composed poem with descriptive verses...sorta ode to the Blue Ridge mountains; reminds me of a song from John Denver during my college days. Picture perfect poem, thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 30-May-2020
reply by the author on 31-May-2020
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ameen. Ahh, John Denver, he was a great crooner!
