Basic
A Comedy of Terrors.17 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. My husband was active Army for 23 years. His stories are a little different but very similar. Good luck with the contest.
I didn't see Angel the next day. (the following day, has to deal with definition)
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
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Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. My husband was active Army for 23 years. His stories are a little different but very similar. Good luck with the contest.
I didn't see Angel the next day. (the following day, has to deal with definition)
Comment Written 22-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2021
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Thank you, Barbara. Yes, basic training is something no ex-military will ever forget. Thanks for that correction.
Comment from royowen
I missed out on the two types of basic training, by the time they reintroduced I was too old, not so my brother, who was given jungle training, the most brutal of all, I'm Australian, so he was posted off to Vietnam, where he was wounded, did his two years, but back fro basic trading + when he came home of furlough, he'd grown two inches, gained two stone, as fit as a Mallee bull. Beautifully written, he never spoke of Vietnam, well done, blessings Roy
Typo : something to scrap(e) it off.
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2021
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I missed out on the two types of basic training, by the time they reintroduced I was too old, not so my brother, who was given jungle training, the most brutal of all, I'm Australian, so he was posted off to Vietnam, where he was wounded, did his two years, but back fro basic trading + when he came home of furlough, he'd grown two inches, gained two stone, as fit as a Mallee bull. Beautifully written, he never spoke of Vietnam, well done, blessings Roy
Typo : something to scrap(e) it off.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2021
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Nam was the worst. It wasn't a good idea to wear your uniform on leave then, some people would actually spit on you.
Thanks, Roy, blessing back at ya.
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Good job
Comment from Diana Kane
This was awesome! It was riveting. I felt like I was there... And invisible voyeur. This is just such an insight into a day in the life kind of thing. Thank you for sharing it. I thoroughly enjoyed it.
reply by the author on 23-May-2020
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This was awesome! It was riveting. I felt like I was there... And invisible voyeur. This is just such an insight into a day in the life kind of thing. Thank you for sharing it. I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Comment Written 23-May-2020
reply by the author on 23-May-2020
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Thanks Diana, glad you liked it.
Comment from Gypsymooncat
The only reason I'm giving this a four instead of a five, was that I found a few things that need adjusting. Otherwise, this was a very well told story of a great time in your life that started off as anything but. I enjoyed it, and hope that my suggestions aren't taken as overt criticism:
There (were) noise and confusion - were should be "was"
The train would stop to pick more - should read "pick up more"
He told his name was Angel. - "me" needs to go between "told" and "his"
then go on-never see them again - this could read "then go on to" or "then go on never seeing" them again
there was no one person - I see your problem here. Can I suggest: "there wasn't anyone they could single out"?
"I don't know, Sir!" the poor guy stammered." - no need for conversation marks after stammered.
As said though, overall, this was a very good story and I'd say a strong contender in the contest. Good luck!
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reply by the author on 23-May-2020
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The only reason I'm giving this a four instead of a five, was that I found a few things that need adjusting. Otherwise, this was a very well told story of a great time in your life that started off as anything but. I enjoyed it, and hope that my suggestions aren't taken as overt criticism:
There (were) noise and confusion - were should be "was"
The train would stop to pick more - should read "pick up more"
He told his name was Angel. - "me" needs to go between "told" and "his"
then go on-never see them again - this could read "then go on to" or "then go on never seeing" them again
there was no one person - I see your problem here. Can I suggest: "there wasn't anyone they could single out"?
"I don't know, Sir!" the poor guy stammered." - no need for conversation marks after stammered.
As said though, overall, this was a very good story and I'd say a strong contender in the contest. Good luck!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-May-2020
reply by the author on 23-May-2020
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Yeah, Thats what I get for throwing it on there without final proofing. I had to leave, and by the time I got back it was to late.
Many thanks, I won't do that again.
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No worries! I'm happy I may have been of some help xoxox PS: And we all have done similar to you at one time or another lol!
Comment from Tsukuyomi969
I'll keep my comments technical since the contents were less than inspiring for me.
This was very well written. You developed not only your own character but also those around you, even the ones who were fleeting. You gave a sense of everyday life, how brutal it was, but also how humorous it was. I know I laughed at Soup Guy lol. I can understand why this is your favorite memory. Good luck and cheers.
reply by the author on 23-May-2020
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I'll keep my comments technical since the contents were less than inspiring for me.
This was very well written. You developed not only your own character but also those around you, even the ones who were fleeting. You gave a sense of everyday life, how brutal it was, but also how humorous it was. I know I laughed at Soup Guy lol. I can understand why this is your favorite memory. Good luck and cheers.
Comment Written 23-May-2020
reply by the author on 23-May-2020
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Sorry you were'nt inspired. What were you looking for?
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I wasn?t looking for anything.
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Sorry to be a pest, but if you are to critique me, I need your reasoning? Response is one of the reasons I came on here. It would helpful for me in improving my writing. I'm listening.
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It?s not a problem. But my objections are with the military training techniques not with your writing so I didn?t think it would be fair or do any good to comment on it. You?re writing a real memory and I can?t argue with that all I can comment on is the writing itself, which I think I did.
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Oh, I see. Yes you are right. This was in 1963. I don't believe the military was as professional as they are now. I think misfits, and thugs made their way into the training camps. The USAF were looking for aggressive types, and somehow some weirdos slipped through. I have no doubt that the Bulldog was a sadistic sociopath. Even the other DI was alarmed by his actions. We were Airmen, not Green Berets, there was no need for that.
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
This is a wonderful entry for The time of my life: writing contest. I have always felt sorry for our soldier boys suffering through basics or boot camp. I am glad you survived and appreciate that time in your life.
reply by the author on 23-May-2020
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This is a wonderful entry for The time of my life: writing contest. I have always felt sorry for our soldier boys suffering through basics or boot camp. I am glad you survived and appreciate that time in your life.
Comment Written 23-May-2020
reply by the author on 23-May-2020
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Hi there. Looks like I'm getting carried alway with my previous military life. One reviewer said its not hilarious. I took that out. She was right. But darn it, it is funny.
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I thought it was very funny in parts, but I commented on the whole. I didn't want you to know I was laughing at the funny way you wrote, and laughing at your suffering and confusion. I still smile thinking of it. Reminds me of Gomer Pyle.
Comment from LisaMay
Your well written story is certainly reflective, but I find nothing 'hilarious' about it. It is sanctioned bullying. Training need not be psychologically damaging or physically and verbally abusive... however, as you attest, often challenging situations are the most memorable and character-forming, and we learn so much to equip us for the future.
(Your story is peppered with unnecessarily hyphenated words which I found a distraction.)
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reply by the author on 23-May-2020
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Your well written story is certainly reflective, but I find nothing 'hilarious' about it. It is sanctioned bullying. Training need not be psychologically damaging or physically and verbally abusive... however, as you attest, often challenging situations are the most memorable and character-forming, and we learn so much to equip us for the future.
(Your story is peppered with unnecessarily hyphenated words which I found a distraction.)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-May-2020
reply by the author on 23-May-2020
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Thanks. We only learn from critique. You're right about hilarity, it wasn't like that at the time. But now looking back it is. But I think I will take it out anyway. The kid in the locker will never find it hilarious. Ever! As to the hyphens, I had to go back and remove them, I didn't put them there, the darn up load did.
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I hate it when technology stuffs up and we have to manually un-stuff it!
