Pet Mac
A Flash Fiction, a sense and sensibility message140 total reviews
Comment from Patty Mazzurco
I am slowly getting used to this flash fiction. I am not an expert on it but I have to say this seems like it fits the rules. Good job on the details and dialogue. Nice work!
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I am slowly getting used to this flash fiction. I am not an expert on it but I have to say this seems like it fits the rules. Good job on the details and dialogue. Nice work!
Comment Written 05-Jun-2006
Comment from MikeAG
Flows well, and the pacing is strong, and imagery your trying to convey is very meaningful to the message. Nice style.
Keep up the good writing!
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Flows well, and the pacing is strong, and imagery your trying to convey is very meaningful to the message. Nice style.
Keep up the good writing!
Comment Written 05-May-2006
Comment from Hieronimo
Hi, Alcreator writer. I liked this story because it depicts a relationship that truly exists between living creatures. One suggestion: The paragraph that begins with "Williamson" might be improved by a simple addition: "Our neighbor Williamson..." . It would make it easier for the reader, who at that point might not remember who Williamson was. Just a thought. -Hieronimo
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Hi, Alcreator writer. I liked this story because it depicts a relationship that truly exists between living creatures. One suggestion: The paragraph that begins with "Williamson" might be improved by a simple addition: "Our neighbor Williamson..." . It would make it easier for the reader, who at that point might not remember who Williamson was. Just a thought. -Hieronimo
Comment Written 03-May-2006
Comment from RaymondJohn
Nice job. I was scratching my head when you said Willie died. I read back and found out he was the neighbour. It might have been a good idea to make some more pointed rteference to him, or how he interacted with the parrot. Great job. I bet the parrot outlived your dad, didn't he? All the best. Ray.
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Nice job. I was scratching my head when you said Willie died. I read back and found out he was the neighbour. It might have been a good idea to make some more pointed rteference to him, or how he interacted with the parrot. Great job. I bet the parrot outlived your dad, didn't he? All the best. Ray.
Comment Written 03-May-2006
Comment from texyankeefan
I find this a very good story told in a very creative way. The stage was set early and the suspense built throughout the piece. It kept the reader reading which is what we all want.
I have only two suggestions:
I had a problem with the father "inadvertently" indulging the parrot. To me that seems the narrator is presuming something about the father. He may have been doing it intentionally. There doesn't seem any clue to me that it was inadvertent on the father's part.
Also, the sentence 'We stepped in home and the miracle happened" tripped me up because it is missing a word or something....
I read the other reviews and I think your replies are literature in themselves. I am assuming that some of your replies are tongue in cheek. I don't believe I want you to ever say to me "What an honest, literary, suggestive professional review" because I could see the irony of you saying that for those specific reviews.
I learned from your story, I learned from the reviews posted, and I learned a lot from your replies. It has been an honor to read and review. Linda
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I find this a very good story told in a very creative way. The stage was set early and the suspense built throughout the piece. It kept the reader reading which is what we all want.
I have only two suggestions:
I had a problem with the father "inadvertently" indulging the parrot. To me that seems the narrator is presuming something about the father. He may have been doing it intentionally. There doesn't seem any clue to me that it was inadvertent on the father's part.
Also, the sentence 'We stepped in home and the miracle happened" tripped me up because it is missing a word or something....
I read the other reviews and I think your replies are literature in themselves. I am assuming that some of your replies are tongue in cheek. I don't believe I want you to ever say to me "What an honest, literary, suggestive professional review" because I could see the irony of you saying that for those specific reviews.
I learned from your story, I learned from the reviews posted, and I learned a lot from your replies. It has been an honor to read and review. Linda
Comment Written 03-May-2006
Comment from edinerie
Sweet story well told. The directness of the style and the specific images combine with just enough commentary for context. The result is a story that is not obvious or predictable in its path and moves through its arc efficiently.
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Sweet story well told. The directness of the style and the specific images combine with just enough commentary for context. The result is a story that is not obvious or predictable in its path and moves through its arc efficiently.
Comment Written 03-May-2006
Comment from L.A.Tripp
Oh man, I really hate to damped the spirits of this piece, but it seems to me that it needs quite a bit of editing yet. I think this could be a great story, but I stumbled through a lot of it.
""Speak up my dear, speak out" my "-in this instance you left out the comma after 'out'.
You have a couple of paragraphs that are very confusing to me. The first one is the one with all the names listed. It seems to drag on and is very confusing. Also, you have several sentences that seem to just drop off without completion.
"He set an example of bird indulgence in the family and neighbors. "-this is one example of that. There are several sentences like this. I'm sorry, but I want to be honest and let you know what all tripped me up, while I can't really copy and paste everything here, for this review would hold much of your story, but I've given you the general idea.
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Oh man, I really hate to damped the spirits of this piece, but it seems to me that it needs quite a bit of editing yet. I think this could be a great story, but I stumbled through a lot of it.
""Speak up my dear, speak out" my "-in this instance you left out the comma after 'out'.
You have a couple of paragraphs that are very confusing to me. The first one is the one with all the names listed. It seems to drag on and is very confusing. Also, you have several sentences that seem to just drop off without completion.
"He set an example of bird indulgence in the family and neighbors. "-this is one example of that. There are several sentences like this. I'm sorry, but I want to be honest and let you know what all tripped me up, while I can't really copy and paste everything here, for this review would hold much of your story, but I've given you the general idea.
Comment Written 03-May-2006
Comment from starkat
An interesting story. I have never known a parrot or how you go about teaching them to talk. I found some things for you to consider- My youngest brother ceased his studies that night ( elimating the word 'till'). 'my father told keenly' and then at the end 'caressingly told' seem awkward. 'we came to know that only at late that night' is confusing. I can see a cool ,stone body,but deaf and dumb also? It is a facinating tale that a bird would react in such a fashion. Sometimes our pets know and see things that are beyond our scope of understanding.
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An interesting story. I have never known a parrot or how you go about teaching them to talk. I found some things for you to consider- My youngest brother ceased his studies that night ( elimating the word 'till'). 'my father told keenly' and then at the end 'caressingly told' seem awkward. 'we came to know that only at late that night' is confusing. I can see a cool ,stone body,but deaf and dumb also? It is a facinating tale that a bird would react in such a fashion. Sometimes our pets know and see things that are beyond our scope of understanding.
Comment Written 03-May-2006
Comment from Wm B. Naylor
An interesting and fun little flash with a moving truth contained within. I enjoyed your voice and enthusiasm. Thank you for sharing.
Couple suggestions for your consideration:
Mac's imitating voice and [caricatures - sp] were wonderfully bizarre, better than a Hollywood actor.
[It was an - I suggest you cut that and start with "one...] unforgettable evening; Mac did not speak a single word and it appeared like a deaf and dumb bird migrated from Delhi to New York.
My youngest brother [ceased his studies till - I suggest stopped hs studies] that night.
my father [told - said] keenly
Williamson died that evening and we came to know that only [at - remove 'at'] late that night.
Sincerely from Cape Breton Island
Will
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An interesting and fun little flash with a moving truth contained within. I enjoyed your voice and enthusiasm. Thank you for sharing.
Couple suggestions for your consideration:
Mac's imitating voice and [caricatures - sp] were wonderfully bizarre, better than a Hollywood actor.
[It was an - I suggest you cut that and start with "one...] unforgettable evening; Mac did not speak a single word and it appeared like a deaf and dumb bird migrated from Delhi to New York.
My youngest brother [ceased his studies till - I suggest stopped hs studies] that night.
my father [told - said] keenly
Williamson died that evening and we came to know that only [at - remove 'at'] late that night.
Sincerely from Cape Breton Island
Will
Comment Written 03-May-2006
Comment from ShirleyT
I enjoyed your story, but I'm not sure I got the message. I re-read it a second time, hoping I just missed something. Somehow it didn't tie together for me.
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I enjoyed your story, but I'm not sure I got the message. I re-read it a second time, hoping I just missed something. Somehow it didn't tie together for me.
Comment Written 02-May-2006
