Pet Mac
A Flash Fiction, a sense and sensibility message140 total reviews
Comment from Permelia
Your story was excellent about a parrot who sensed a friend was dying, but it seemed to me to have a few too many adjectives, which kept it from flowing freely. You could delete some of them, and kept the thrust of the story. However, I enjoyed the story=
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Your story was excellent about a parrot who sensed a friend was dying, but it seemed to me to have a few too many adjectives, which kept it from flowing freely. You could delete some of them, and kept the thrust of the story. However, I enjoyed the story=
Comment Written 06-Apr-2006
Comment from AmokMuse
This was a moving piece, to say the least. I enjoyed it very much. Often animals have much more knowledge than we ever give them credit for LOL Thanks for sharing this. Flow was good, though not your best, could not really point out anything specific :-) Cyndee
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This was a moving piece, to say the least. I enjoyed it very much. Often animals have much more knowledge than we ever give them credit for LOL Thanks for sharing this. Flow was good, though not your best, could not really point out anything specific :-) Cyndee
Comment Written 06-Apr-2006
Comment from ail29
Clever parrot! What an interesting story. I love flash fiction - this one says so much in a very few words. Well done to you and thanks for sharing. Ail x
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Clever parrot! What an interesting story. I love flash fiction - this one says so much in a very few words. Well done to you and thanks for sharing. Ail x
Comment Written 06-Apr-2006
Comment from Eyeinthemidst
Nice story. I don't know exactly what flash fiction is but many of these sentences confused me.
-"Mac was my punctual father Patterson's most attended beloved pet bird which was a manlike speaking parrot. He indulged a bird more than man. People quote his bird passion as an example. "
< the possesive here is confusing. Father's would work. Patterson's I don't understand. One only has one father. If it were grandfather Patterson's I would understand. also, He indulged (the bird) >
-"He conducted Marathon vocabulary-spelling-pronunciation-vocal-gesture-oral expression tests for Mac regularly to our surprise. "
-"Mac called us by new names Patterson (my father) as Pattie, Jackson (my grandfather) as Jackie, Baby (my mom) as Boy, Bobson (my younger brother) as Bobbie, Ricson (my youngest brother) as Rickie and Williamson (our next-door neighbour) as Willie. -"
-"In the evening something "-
< One evening something >
-"All thought him a dumb sick. "- The other way seems like an incomplete sentence.
-"miraculously as before and ..-"
-"us to remind " < to remind us>
If flash fiction means that you have to skip words I humbly apologize!
-"
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Nice story. I don't know exactly what flash fiction is but many of these sentences confused me.
-"Mac was my punctual father Patterson's most attended beloved pet bird which was a manlike speaking parrot. He indulged a bird more than man. People quote his bird passion as an example. "
< the possesive here is confusing. Father's would work. Patterson's I don't understand. One only has one father. If it were grandfather Patterson's I would understand. also, He indulged (the bird) >
-"He conducted Marathon vocabulary-spelling-pronunciation-vocal-gesture-oral expression tests for Mac regularly to our surprise. "
-"Mac called us by new names Patterson (my father) as Pattie, Jackson (my grandfather) as Jackie, Baby (my mom) as Boy, Bobson (my younger brother) as Bobbie, Ricson (my youngest brother) as Rickie and Williamson (our next-door neighbour) as Willie. -"
-"In the evening something "-
< One evening something >
-"All thought him a dumb sick. "-
-"miraculously as before and ..-"
-"us to remind " < to remind us>
If flash fiction means that you have to skip words I humbly apologize!
-"
Comment Written 06-Apr-2006
Comment from Jack Hoops
"He was only moving, strolling and artistically displaying new and old postures of listening as if he were listening or hearing to somebody or something elsewhere. "
What a great line! I truly enjoyed reading this. Great work!
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"He was only moving, strolling and artistically displaying new and old postures of listening as if he were listening or hearing to somebody or something elsewhere. "
What a great line! I truly enjoyed reading this. Great work!
Comment Written 06-Apr-2006
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
I enjoyed this flash fiction it is really well written and shows that parrots are really intelligent birds and they can bring pleasure to a family in there own way well done well written regards Fuller
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I enjoyed this flash fiction it is really well written and shows that parrots are really intelligent birds and they can bring pleasure to a family in there own way well done well written regards Fuller
Comment Written 06-Apr-2006
Comment from Brantley88
Hello Al. This was a good story, and you told it well. I hope you got things worked out with FS, and look forward to your next submission.
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Hello Al. This was a good story, and you told it well. I hope you got things worked out with FS, and look forward to your next submission.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2006
Comment from Dabbler
I really enjoyed reading this one! You have presented it well. I like how you started it out gently introducing the bird. By the end I had goosebumps reading the last little bit. Your truly kept my interest flowing here.
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I really enjoyed reading this one! You have presented it well. I like how you started it out gently introducing the bird. By the end I had goosebumps reading the last little bit. Your truly kept my interest flowing here.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2006
Comment from the_evil_buddha
sometime(s) to the door eastward. I didn't like it, but that is just me, i got the jist of it. (Paranormal parrot realizes a buddy died and then starts to speak later on.) it just didn't seem like there was any flow to it at all to me. sorry
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sometime(s) to the door eastward. I didn't like it, but that is just me, i got the jist of it. (Paranormal parrot realizes a buddy died and then starts to speak later on.) it just didn't seem like there was any flow to it at all to me. sorry
Comment Written 06-Apr-2006
Comment from terryangelo
Being such an animal lover, I really enjoyed your story. One question-did you mean the last line to read "I know you wanted to remind us of our sense and sensibility" or to stand the way it is?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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Being such an animal lover, I really enjoyed your story. One question-did you mean the last line to read "I know you wanted to remind us of our sense and sensibility" or to stand the way it is?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2006
