Pet Mac
A Flash Fiction, a sense and sensibility message140 total reviews
Comment from That Dam Petunia
As a lover of animals I enjoyed the story. They truly can teach us much about life and sensitivity. I find your style somewhat difficult to follow. Your poetry invades your prose. Poetic license should be applied to poetry. Prose dictates the need to follow some basic rules if you hope to reach a wide audience.
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As a lover of animals I enjoyed the story. They truly can teach us much about life and sensitivity. I find your style somewhat difficult to follow. Your poetry invades your prose. Poetic license should be applied to poetry. Prose dictates the need to follow some basic rules if you hope to reach a wide audience.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2006
Comment from Nanette Mary
Hullo AlcreatorWriter .... This could be a good story but I hope you will not mind my saying that it is not really well written. In several places, you need to work on the way you have written and thus expressed your thoughts. Here are a few of
the places where I believe change is needed ...
* You have - None knew what happened to Mac.
It would be better as ... No-one knew ....
* This line needs sorting out ...
as if he were listening or hearing to somebody or something elsewhere of a world unknown. I would suggest - ... as if he were listening to somebody or hearing something elsewhere in a world unknown to us.
* You have ... Father played many tricks upon and tried methods to make Mac
speaking out an alpha at least. I would suggest ...
Father played many tricks and tried various methods in his endeavours to get Mac to speak .... to say an alpha (or alphabet) at least.
* You have - Williamson died ..... we knew at late night. I suggest ...
we knew late that night.
* You have - Miracle happened. ... It should be ... A miracle happened ....
The story is nice and deserving on having a bit of work put into improving its
presentation. With love from .... Nanette Mary.
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Hullo AlcreatorWriter .... This could be a good story but I hope you will not mind my saying that it is not really well written. In several places, you need to work on the way you have written and thus expressed your thoughts. Here are a few of
the places where I believe change is needed ...
* You have - None knew what happened to Mac.
It would be better as ... No-one knew ....
* This line needs sorting out ...
as if he were listening or hearing to somebody or something elsewhere of a world unknown. I would suggest - ... as if he were listening to somebody or hearing something elsewhere in a world unknown to us.
* You have ... Father played many tricks upon and tried methods to make Mac
speaking out an alpha at least. I would suggest ...
Father played many tricks and tried various methods in his endeavours to get Mac to speak .... to say an alpha (or alphabet) at least.
* You have - Williamson died ..... we knew at late night. I suggest ...
we knew late that night.
* You have - Miracle happened. ... It should be ... A miracle happened ....
The story is nice and deserving on having a bit of work put into improving its
presentation. With love from .... Nanette Mary.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2006
Comment from Robbi
Parrots are smarter then people give them credit for being. This is a great story but it needs some small bits of clarification here and there. The line .. "Father played many tricks upon.." Is one that doesn't say what I think you mean it to. But maybe I'm just too dense to get it. A good story though. Robbi
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Parrots are smarter then people give them credit for being. This is a great story but it needs some small bits of clarification here and there. The line .. "Father played many tricks upon.." Is one that doesn't say what I think you mean it to. But maybe I'm just too dense to get it. A good story though. Robbi
Comment Written 08-Apr-2006
Comment from hopeishigh
I absolutely enjoyed this flash fiction and it has humor and love flowing all through it , just wonderful and with a talking bird you never know what they will say next and animals and birds offen sense when something is wrong before people do. Well done and the best of luck with your writing.
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I absolutely enjoyed this flash fiction and it has humor and love flowing all through it , just wonderful and with a talking bird you never know what they will say next and animals and birds offen sense when something is wrong before people do. Well done and the best of luck with your writing.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2006
Comment from sellgirls
Hi AlCreator, This was definitely one of your less obscure writings. Your characters (especially the parrot) are well-developed for a short work and the anecdote presents a nice message about animals' sensitivity that is often more highly developed than ours. Nicely done!
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Hi AlCreator, This was definitely one of your less obscure writings. Your characters (especially the parrot) are well-developed for a short work and the anecdote presents a nice message about animals' sensitivity that is often more highly developed than ours. Nicely done!
Comment Written 07-Apr-2006
Comment from Sissy
Hey Alcreator,
My uncle used to have a pet cockatoo that could speak sentences, use the toilet, fetch things and play dead. The bird was smarter than some people!! :)
I enjoyed this flash fiction. I actually wish it was longer so we could have a little more detail, but well, then it wouldn't be flash!
A few things for your consideration:
Mac was my punctual father's most attended(,) beloved(,) speaking(,) pet parrot.
He inadvertently indulged the bird more than his family members; no wonder, his bird passion honored him with names 'Pet Mac master Pat' and shortly 'Pet Pat'(, I think!) and people often quote his bird passion as a living example
Mac called us by new names(either use a colon here or maybe -- just to link these a little more clearly) my father Patterson as Pattie, my grandfather Jackson as Jackie, my mom Baby as Boy, my younger brother Bobson as Bobbie, my youngest brother Ricson as Rickie and our next-door neighbour Williamson as Willie(,) who was Mac's deputy mentor.
He raised his greenish head(,) swirled round frequently, sometimes straight up or down, sometimes to the door eastward, balcony westward, father's study northward or grandpa's living room southward.
That's it!
Sissy
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Hey Alcreator,
My uncle used to have a pet cockatoo that could speak sentences, use the toilet, fetch things and play dead. The bird was smarter than some people!! :)
I enjoyed this flash fiction. I actually wish it was longer so we could have a little more detail, but well, then it wouldn't be flash!
A few things for your consideration:
Mac was my punctual father's most attended(,) beloved(,) speaking(,) pet parrot.
He inadvertently indulged the bird more than his family members; no wonder, his bird passion honored him with names 'Pet Mac master Pat' and shortly 'Pet Pat'(, I think!) and people often quote his bird passion as a living example
Mac called us by new names(either use a colon here or maybe -- just to link these a little more clearly) my father Patterson as Pattie, my grandfather Jackson as Jackie, my mom Baby as Boy, my younger brother Bobson as Bobbie, my youngest brother Ricson as Rickie and our next-door neighbour Williamson as Willie(,) who was Mac's deputy mentor.
He raised his greenish head(,) swirled round frequently, sometimes straight up or down, sometimes to the door eastward, balcony westward, father's study northward or grandpa's living room southward.
That's it!
Sissy
Comment Written 07-Apr-2006
Comment from National Scholar
Gorgeous flash fiction. A pet bird teaches his master's house family members. Lessons on sense and sensibility. Nice trick to teach human beings. So impressive. Fully packed of love and teaching moral sentiment. There is good sense of humour. A flow of ironic blow is nice. Miracles wonder. Very authentically expressed. THIS DESERVES FOR SIX STARS.
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Gorgeous flash fiction. A pet bird teaches his master's house family members. Lessons on sense and sensibility. Nice trick to teach human beings. So impressive. Fully packed of love and teaching moral sentiment. There is good sense of humour. A flow of ironic blow is nice. Miracles wonder. Very authentically expressed. THIS DESERVES FOR SIX STARS.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2006
Comment from Dear Essay Reviewer
This flash fiction is tight, a bit of humourous with a little ironic slash.
It is an unusual type of fiction.
It has nice message flashed very clearly and wittily
Its flow, language and style of expressiveness are unparallel
Its introduction is very uncommonly interesting
Its end part is full of moral message that the bird gives to his family members
The bird character is excellent and very live
Patterson (narrator's father) is very brisk and compact character
The narrator is very dear in telling story
This fiction has all the qualities of being a professional write up
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This flash fiction is tight, a bit of humourous with a little ironic slash.
It is an unusual type of fiction.
It has nice message flashed very clearly and wittily
Its flow, language and style of expressiveness are unparallel
Its introduction is very uncommonly interesting
Its end part is full of moral message that the bird gives to his family members
The bird character is excellent and very live
Patterson (narrator's father) is very brisk and compact character
The narrator is very dear in telling story
This fiction has all the qualities of being a professional write up
Comment Written 07-Apr-2006
Comment from L K Pinaire
Nice story, but it seems a bit far fetched. I did enjoy it. Best of luck to you.****************************************************************************/
Good writing,
Larry
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Nice story, but it seems a bit far fetched. I did enjoy it. Best of luck to you.****************************************************************************/
Good writing,
Larry
Comment Written 07-Apr-2006
Comment from marion
Hi Alcreator
I enjoyed this piece of flash fiction as flash fiction is one of my favourite short story forms. Plus they are hard to write! I personally like flash fiction to strike hard and consider this a gentle form - but still a great read.
marion
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Hi Alcreator
I enjoyed this piece of flash fiction as flash fiction is one of my favourite short story forms. Plus they are hard to write! I personally like flash fiction to strike hard and consider this a gentle form - but still a great read.
marion
Comment Written 07-Apr-2006
