It came from beneath the Barley
True story26 total reviews
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
What a great story, Brad! I remember being the same age, and I know how easy it is for a kid's imagination to run wild. Between your adventurous reading and your colorful, outdoor world on the farm, you had plenty of grist for the mill.
You know I couldn't help but flag some errors that I found! Here are some suggested revisions:
My defeated enemies suspended in limbo ...
-->
My defeated enemies were suspended in limbo ...
Came a girl's shrill scream.
-->
Then came a girl's shrill scream,
On into the night, I tread,
-->
On into the night, I trod,
The glow of the neighbors' yard lights helping me to find my way.
-->
The glow of the neighbors' yard lights helped me to find my way.
***
It's good that you were able to confront your "monster" in the daylight. I'm glad you were a healthy young boy, or that fright might have been your last!
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2021
  |
What a great story, Brad! I remember being the same age, and I know how easy it is for a kid's imagination to run wild. Between your adventurous reading and your colorful, outdoor world on the farm, you had plenty of grist for the mill.
You know I couldn't help but flag some errors that I found! Here are some suggested revisions:
My defeated enemies suspended in limbo ...
-->
My defeated enemies were suspended in limbo ...
Came a girl's shrill scream.
-->
Then came a girl's shrill scream,
On into the night, I tread,
-->
On into the night, I trod,
The glow of the neighbors' yard lights helping me to find my way.
-->
The glow of the neighbors' yard lights helped me to find my way.
***
It's good that you were able to confront your "monster" in the daylight. I'm glad you were a healthy young boy, or that fright might have been your last!
Comment Written 23-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2021
-
Thanks, Mary for the proofing. I plan to enter it in an international contest for senior writers. I won a place in their book last year, I'm hoping for another.
-
You're very welcome, Brad. I hope you make it into that book again! God bless you, my friend. - Mary Kay
Comment from Leann DS
Excellent story! It is well written, concise, in a logical order, and I enjoyed it immensely! As a child who grew up in the country, I played many of the same types of games that you did.
Imagination! It can be our champion or bring us to our knees. Well done on the story. Love it! Hugs and blessings to you, and thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2021
|
Excellent story! It is well written, concise, in a logical order, and I enjoyed it immensely! As a child who grew up in the country, I played many of the same types of games that you did.
Imagination! It can be our champion or bring us to our knees. Well done on the story. Love it! Hugs and blessings to you, and thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 23-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2021
-
Thanks, fellow adventurer, blessings to you back
Comment from LJbutterfly
I enjoyed reading this creatively written story that reminded me of my own childhood terrifying movie. It was about a tree in Africa named "Kabanka." It was large and ugly and could walk and of course kill people. When I came home from elementary school, I was alone and afraid of every sound. I can relate to your reaction to the sounds on the road. Interesting story, with a great title.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2021
|
I enjoyed reading this creatively written story that reminded me of my own childhood terrifying movie. It was about a tree in Africa named "Kabanka." It was large and ugly and could walk and of course kill people. When I came home from elementary school, I was alone and afraid of every sound. I can relate to your reaction to the sounds on the road. Interesting story, with a great title.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2021
-
Thanks, glad you liked it. Its wierd, but that drain pipe still bothered me even as an adult going back to visit.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Charming story--vividly evocative--masterfully narrated from POV of child, rife in rich imagery. I hope this won the contest back when.
That's how it was [any way=>ANYWAY] for a twelve-year-old kid living on an Oregon farm in that 1957 hot summer.
"[Lookout=>LOOK OUT] for the beast!" Some kid yelled as if the passengers could hear us.
The following day I knew I had to go back, see what was in that field [period (vs ?)]
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2021
|
Charming story--vividly evocative--masterfully narrated from POV of child, rife in rich imagery. I hope this won the contest back when.
That's how it was [any way=>ANYWAY] for a twelve-year-old kid living on an Oregon farm in that 1957 hot summer.
"[Lookout=>LOOK OUT] for the beast!" Some kid yelled as if the passengers could hear us.
The following day I knew I had to go back, see what was in that field [period (vs ?)]
Comment Written 22-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2021
-
Thanks for the copy fix's Elizabeth. So happy you liked it.
Comment from lancellot
This is very good, Brad. And I have to agree with you. There is no greater scare for a kid, usually, than what he can create with his own overactive imagination. When the conditions are just right, as in your story from long ago, that fear can last a lifetime.
Well done.
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2021
|
This is very good, Brad. And I have to agree with you. There is no greater scare for a kid, usually, than what he can create with his own overactive imagination. When the conditions are just right, as in your story from long ago, that fear can last a lifetime.
Well done.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2021
-
Thanks, Lancellot, so happy you liked it. Yes, I still remember that day clearly. And, I often wonder if it's still there.
Comment from C. Gale Burnett
Your work is very deserving of 6-stars. Exceptionally well written and entertaining. Loved your choice of strong adverbs and adjectives. As I was reading, I felt drawn into the drama, fear and imagination of the lad.
I enjoy reading stories of a time I can relate to. Too many gadgets, video games, etc., capturing the attention of our youth today. Leaves little room for the imagination. So sad. Good times we had back in our day.
Great story (especially being 'true').
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2021
 |
Your work is very deserving of 6-stars. Exceptionally well written and entertaining. Loved your choice of strong adverbs and adjectives. As I was reading, I felt drawn into the drama, fear and imagination of the lad.
I enjoy reading stories of a time I can relate to. Too many gadgets, video games, etc., capturing the attention of our youth today. Leaves little room for the imagination. So sad. Good times we had back in our day.
Great story (especially being 'true').
Comment Written 22-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2021
-
Thanks, Gale, for the stars and the great review. The contest is over now, I'm Brad Bennett. Glad to meet ya.
-
Hi! The pleasure is all mine. I can learn much from reading your stories.
Blessings to you.
Comment from UpNorth
I liked the premise of this story. I was looking for the next scene, but was not carried consistantly.This story is about the boy and the imagined monster as you see it.The title and pix gives ou the idea it is a movie fueled story. To begin sustain tension- Try starting the story with
1. I gazed----
2. Quivering in my sneakers
----and build from there picking and choosing for effect.
Trickle in information why you were so scared as you go forward as the boy in the story.(Movie thread.) A crescendo of fear, rearranging parts of your narrative-- and deleting anything that does not stairstep up makes the story more horrifying which is what you want. I hope this helps.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2020
 |
I liked the premise of this story. I was looking for the next scene, but was not carried consistantly.This story is about the boy and the imagined monster as you see it.The title and pix gives ou the idea it is a movie fueled story. To begin sustain tension- Try starting the story with
1. I gazed----
2. Quivering in my sneakers
----and build from there picking and choosing for effect.
Trickle in information why you were so scared as you go forward as the boy in the story.(Movie thread.) A crescendo of fear, rearranging parts of your narrative-- and deleting anything that does not stairstep up makes the story more horrifying which is what you want. I hope this helps.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2020
-
You're a tough reviewer, Lynn, but I look for appraisal, not praise, so your advice much appreciated.
I must confess, this story was taken from an earlier piece I wrote about my childhood on that farm, I merely adapted it. I agree, setting up the scare first is much better. I should have rewritten it to fit my new visual set up, then bridge back as you note.
This is a true story, except I was only eight at the time, I was afraid nobody would have believed me that young. But this was the fifties, a whole different world back then.
-
I grew up in the fifty/sixties too. I could see your story as a memoir, but not so much as horror. Thanks for taking advice in kindness.
-
Yes, I was worried about that. But I must tell you, when I walked that roadway after seeing that movie, I was in sheer terror. But yes, horror is for an adult mind. We get enough of that in the news these days. :>)
Cheers.
Comment from thorney
Hi there Brad
True story, eh! You must have been - and you portrayed being terrified!
I know your grandmother took you in her car, but she must have been was unaware of the horror movie you were going to see. Why did she not pick you up afterwards?
Still, they don't make them like that any more!
There are a few things you might want to look at, some tend to slow your narrative down.
...lurking behind every tree lined fencerow, - tree-lined
The term 'comic book' was a misnomer; these were the Classics Illustrated Books. - I think these two sentences need joining with a semi-colon to keep the narrative flowing.
Here, there are too many short sentences together, and again it slows the narrative.
I knew then I had to see it. Only one minor problem. The picture would run late. I'd have to walk home after dark. But I could do it. I wasn't afraid.
Try:
I knew then I had to see it, there was only one minor problem--the picture would run late, and I'd have to walk home after dark, but I could do it. I wasn't afraid.
This is a little 'sticky' again slowing the story down.
I got a seat way down in front, I had stocked up Sugar Babies and plenty of popcorn, I wasn't about to miss one scene of this movie, I sat in anticipated excitement when the opening credits rolled.
Try this
I got a seat way down in front, stocked up Sugar Babies, and plenty of popcorn. I wasn't about to miss one scene of this movie, and sat in anticipated excitement when the opening credits rolled.
The wind and noise grew stronger. I quickened my pace, and passed the trees. The moon came into view, then...
Try this:
The wind and noise grew stronger; I quickened my pace and passed the trees.
Best regards
Pete.
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2020
|
Hi there Brad
True story, eh! You must have been - and you portrayed being terrified!
I know your grandmother took you in her car, but she must have been was unaware of the horror movie you were going to see. Why did she not pick you up afterwards?
Still, they don't make them like that any more!
There are a few things you might want to look at, some tend to slow your narrative down.
...lurking behind every tree lined fencerow, - tree-lined
The term 'comic book' was a misnomer; these were the Classics Illustrated Books. - I think these two sentences need joining with a semi-colon to keep the narrative flowing.
Here, there are too many short sentences together, and again it slows the narrative.
I knew then I had to see it. Only one minor problem. The picture would run late. I'd have to walk home after dark. But I could do it. I wasn't afraid.
Try:
I knew then I had to see it, there was only one minor problem--the picture would run late, and I'd have to walk home after dark, but I could do it. I wasn't afraid.
This is a little 'sticky' again slowing the story down.
I got a seat way down in front, I had stocked up Sugar Babies and plenty of popcorn, I wasn't about to miss one scene of this movie, I sat in anticipated excitement when the opening credits rolled.
Try this
I got a seat way down in front, stocked up Sugar Babies, and plenty of popcorn. I wasn't about to miss one scene of this movie, and sat in anticipated excitement when the opening credits rolled.
The wind and noise grew stronger. I quickened my pace, and passed the trees. The moon came into view, then...
Try this:
The wind and noise grew stronger; I quickened my pace and passed the trees.
Best regards
Pete.
Comment Written 04-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2020
-
Thanks much for this. Interesting, one ex-teacher, told me I had too many run on sentences, so I added periods. But I see you made a minor edit, (I had) and it ran on fine.
I would often play outside until well into the dark, no big deal in rural 1956. The big deal was, I didn't know the movie would be that scary, plus the weird co-incidence of that auger. And there was no way my grandmother would drive at night. Also, she wasn't my grandmother. My mother dumped me there to get rid of me. I was an illegitimate kid. Yet, staying there provided all my best memories. It was my salvation.
Comment from Bobby Cunningham
This is a very entertaining and intense read. We were captivated throughout, eagerly pursuing every line. We did notice a small typo, "I stood fixed (in) that highway" should be (on). Have a wonderful day.
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2020
|
This is a very entertaining and intense read. We were captivated throughout, eagerly pursuing every line. We did notice a small typo, "I stood fixed (in) that highway" should be (on). Have a wonderful day.
Comment Written 04-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2020
-
Thank you for your stars and comments. Much appreciated.
Comment from Amanda Louise Davis
I really love this example of imagination and how it works for kids. I had a childhood like this too, full of fun things that we pretended. Thanks for evoking these good memories.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2020
|
I really love this example of imagination and how it works for kids. I had a childhood like this too, full of fun things that we pretended. Thanks for evoking these good memories.
Comment Written 30-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2020
-
Wow! Thank you, Amanda. I only hope that kids today will find a way to ignore video games and the internet, and rely on their own imaginations as we did. It's truly where creativity begins to grow.
