On Tenterhooks
Catching a Barramundi in Australia's Top End.19 total reviews
Comment from Margaret Bednar
I am fascinated learning about a place that is so different than mine. You do a good job with the narrative and dialogue - You could even add a few more details in your "slalom course through the crocs, (in your tinnie of all things!") ... were you close enought to see their eyes? yikes
There, Then, The - just a suggestion. Keep a close look for to many sentences beginning with these words. Try and mix up what you start your sentences with. It can be prepostional phrases, what I tell my son is an "ing beginning" (but that might be for present tense?)
There appeared to be a line of rocks across the river in the distance.
Across the river, appeared a line of rocks. (in the distance could be left out as you could say (wide river) or (across the river's expanse)
There were Brahminy kites roosting in the pandanus palms; a jabiru strutted along the riverbank; (is roosting a present tense or does were make it past?)
To take the "there: out, you could write:
Brahminy kites roosted in the pandanus palms;
The barramundi was strong; (were?)
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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I am fascinated learning about a place that is so different than mine. You do a good job with the narrative and dialogue - You could even add a few more details in your "slalom course through the crocs, (in your tinnie of all things!") ... were you close enought to see their eyes? yikes
There, Then, The - just a suggestion. Keep a close look for to many sentences beginning with these words. Try and mix up what you start your sentences with. It can be prepostional phrases, what I tell my son is an "ing beginning" (but that might be for present tense?)
There appeared to be a line of rocks across the river in the distance.
Across the river, appeared a line of rocks. (in the distance could be left out as you could say (wide river) or (across the river's expanse)
There were Brahminy kites roosting in the pandanus palms; a jabiru strutted along the riverbank; (is roosting a present tense or does were make it past?)
To take the "there: out, you could write:
Brahminy kites roosted in the pandanus palms;
The barramundi was strong; (were?)
Comment Written 17-May-2020
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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Thanks for your useful suggestions. I was itching to put a lot more detail in but contest maximum was 350 words and I had 242.
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Then you have more words to use !! I say "fill 'er up!"
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I made a few amendments and now the story comes to 249 words.
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:) I love the acrobatic fish. Nice work.
Comment from amada
This is a very good story about the barramundi and the fishermen. You paint real images of the fishing trips, fears, exciteent and all.
This was very well well, my heart was beating crazy even if I never went fishing...
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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This is a very good story about the barramundi and the fishermen. You paint real images of the fishing trips, fears, exciteent and all.
This was very well well, my heart was beating crazy even if I never went fishing...
Comment Written 17-May-2020
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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Thanks for your comments. I had my heart in my mouth for most of that fishing trip.
Comment from JudyE
Thank Heavens you didn't dump the guy in the river. All non-Australians seem to be very aware of our crocodiles and I know many won't come to Australia because of the crocodiles. All the more room for the rest of us. lol Good luck.
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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Thank Heavens you didn't dump the guy in the river. All non-Australians seem to be very aware of our crocodiles and I know many won't come to Australia because of the crocodiles. All the more room for the rest of us. lol Good luck.
Comment Written 17-May-2020
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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I can get used to snakes and spiders, but crocs freak me out. I know several who said they wouldn't visit because there were so many potential killers in Australia. (They run more risk at home with shootings and car accidents... or neglect by the health system.)
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So true. Are your restrictions being lifted yet?
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Yes; since last Thursday we've been allowed to travel domestically and several more businesses can open. Allowed up to 100 people in public gatherings, only 50 at funerals, only 10 at private functions.
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I think most of our businesses are open but cafes and restaurants have to keep to the social distancing rules so some are opting to stay closed. We're allowed 20 at weddings, funerals and homes. Something like that anyway. lol
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I'm not planning on going to a restaurant, getting married, or being dead just yet!
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
You have written and narrated this true story straightforwardly, I like and have enjoyed the read, adventure spirit and thrill embossed in orderly taletelling, Roger and Barra caught a Barramundi; you enjoyed the trip; well said, well done; thank you for sharing this; keep writing. Good luck for the contest. ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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You have written and narrated this true story straightforwardly, I like and have enjoyed the read, adventure spirit and thrill embossed in orderly taletelling, Roger and Barra caught a Barramundi; you enjoyed the trip; well said, well done; thank you for sharing this; keep writing. Good luck for the contest. ALCREATOR
Comment Written 17-May-2020
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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Thanks for your review.
Comment from Rmocruz
The writing prompt rules are quite extensive, you have employed them
effectively. This is an exceptional writing of a true account story, very detailed and interesting. No wonder you are currently holding the #1position.
Best wishes with this most promising contest entry.
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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The writing prompt rules are quite extensive, you have employed them
effectively. This is an exceptional writing of a true account story, very detailed and interesting. No wonder you are currently holding the #1position.
Best wishes with this most promising contest entry.
Comment Written 17-May-2020
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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Thanks for your praise and top rating!
Comment from royowen
Not only is the barramundi a feather in the cap of someone who catches it, but if caught in the Mary River, a decoration equivalent to the Victoria cross is awarded. Heh heh. Beautifully written LisaMay, also barramundi that fresh is a treat to eat. Well done, good luck in the contest, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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Not only is the barramundi a feather in the cap of someone who catches it, but if caught in the Mary River, a decoration equivalent to the Victoria cross is awarded. Heh heh. Beautifully written LisaMay, also barramundi that fresh is a treat to eat. Well done, good luck in the contest, blessings Roy
Comment Written 17-May-2020
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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Thanks for your comments, Roy. I was going to put in how delicious the fish was but ran out of room. I'll add that to my footnote.
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Good job
Comment from January L'Angelle
Crocodiles sound terrifying to me. You were very brave on that fishing trip. I know that fishermen (or people that love fishing) will stop at nothing to get the "big catch." Sounds like a lot of fun. This was very well written. I enjoyed the read. -January L.
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reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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Crocodiles sound terrifying to me. You were very brave on that fishing trip. I know that fishermen (or people that love fishing) will stop at nothing to get the "big catch." Sounds like a lot of fun. This was very well written. I enjoyed the read. -January L.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-May-2020
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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The men I was with were obsessed about catching a barramundi.
Thanks for your comments.
Comment from Pantygynt
Australia seems fraught with danger wherever one goes from crocs in the estuary, stone fish on the sea's bed and sharks in the surf. I am told even the kangaroos have boxing skills to challenge the late Muhammed Ali and then there are snakes.
Despite all this they say it is the best country in the world to bring up kids!
I suppose because only the toughest mange to survive all the dangers.
A fascinating story but maybe I will stay in South Wales and not bother to prefix it with 'New'.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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Australia seems fraught with danger wherever one goes from crocs in the estuary, stone fish on the sea's bed and sharks in the surf. I am told even the kangaroos have boxing skills to challenge the late Muhammed Ali and then there are snakes.
Despite all this they say it is the best country in the world to bring up kids!
I suppose because only the toughest mange to survive all the dangers.
A fascinating story but maybe I will stay in South Wales and not bother to prefix it with 'New'.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-May-2020
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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New Zealand is a much better place to bring up kids - the animals regurgitate them in Australia.
Yes, kangaroos excel at kick boxing. And emus kick as well.
We don't have any snakes or spiders or dingoes or crocs or stinging jellyfish here.
In South Wales, I guess the most harm you can come to is to get charged by a sheep... similar to NZ.
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Yes you do have to watch out for marauding sheep, and wild Welsh women of course.
Comment from RodG
You have told a great fish tale here, Lisa. I really like how you set the scene quickly and introduce the conflict by merely mentioning crocodiles. When you saw those moving rocks, I wanted to turn back with you. Then the second leap of action when Roger hooks a big one and a second climax when you see the big croc. We are happy he reeled in his fish and you all got home safely. One other aspect that makes this story unique is your mention of all the exotic birds you saw. Well told In less than 350 words. I sense a winner here!, Rod
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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You have told a great fish tale here, Lisa. I really like how you set the scene quickly and introduce the conflict by merely mentioning crocodiles. When you saw those moving rocks, I wanted to turn back with you. Then the second leap of action when Roger hooks a big one and a second climax when you see the big croc. We are happy he reeled in his fish and you all got home safely. One other aspect that makes this story unique is your mention of all the exotic birds you saw. Well told In less than 350 words. I sense a winner here!, Rod
Comment Written 17-May-2020
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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Thanks for your kind words, Rod, and the high rating. (I think the story with the 10 yr-old child in it will win - voters seem to like children doing things. That story's author notes about life lessons will pull a few votes too.)
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Your story is EXCITING. That will earn you votes.
