O My God and Mother Nature!
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Unseen!"Appreciation of God and Mother Nature
172 total reviews
Comment from kurfess
Haiku is traditionally 5-7-5, so would you call this Haiku-give-or-take-two? Also, haiku is not supposed to rhyme, so on two counts this already isn't really haiku.
I didn't fully understand the imagery here. Thinking of God having a "ceaseless blow" didn't make me think of reverential awe so much as thinking of someone with a cold. :) Not sure what "Muse Him mute" means, either. This one just didn't work for me, but I wish you the best & will look for more from you.
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Haiku is traditionally 5-7-5, so would you call this Haiku-give-or-take-two? Also, haiku is not supposed to rhyme, so on two counts this already isn't really haiku.
I didn't fully understand the imagery here. Thinking of God having a "ceaseless blow" didn't make me think of reverential awe so much as thinking of someone with a cold. :) Not sure what "Muse Him mute" means, either. This one just didn't work for me, but I wish you the best & will look for more from you.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-May-2006
Comment from mblundell68
Unseen!;
Rain drops speak His glow
Gift lives, move His ceaseless blow
Muse Him mute; round message flow
Question; to whom is the author speaking of? I comes quite clear!
A very complete poem!
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Unseen!;
Rain drops speak His glow
Gift lives, move His ceaseless blow
Muse Him mute; round message flow
Question; to whom is the author speaking of? I comes quite clear!
A very complete poem!
Comment Written 29-May-2006
Comment from Jewell McChesney
Rain drops speak His glow
Gift lives, move His ceaseless blow
Muse Him mute; round message flow
WOW What a message.
short and to the point.
I like that.
No mincing words.
Good stuff.
We need some rain here in the desert.
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Rain drops speak His glow
Gift lives, move His ceaseless blow
Muse Him mute; round message flow
WOW What a message.
short and to the point.
I like that.
No mincing words.
Good stuff.
We need some rain here in the desert.
Comment Written 29-May-2006
Comment from MikeSamford
SENRYU (SEN-ree-yoo)
A 3-line unrhymed Japanese poetic form structurally similar to the haiku, but dealing with human rather than physical nature, usually in an ironic or satiric vein. II always have a hard time deciding which is which but the word he gives this one away.
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SENRYU (SEN-ree-yoo)
A 3-line unrhymed Japanese poetic form structurally similar to the haiku, but dealing with human rather than physical nature, usually in an ironic or satiric vein. II always have a hard time deciding which is which but the word he gives this one away.
Comment Written 29-May-2006
Comment from sengwriter
Thank you so much AW,
you've chosen a nice idea to narrate your rather express your excellent angle of vision. Really everything in nature show gratefulness to its being to Lord God.
And this who can feel can contribute his or her tribute to God to.
As you did in your poem.
Gautam
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Thank you so much AW,
you've chosen a nice idea to narrate your rather express your excellent angle of vision. Really everything in nature show gratefulness to its being to Lord God.
And this who can feel can contribute his or her tribute to God to.
As you did in your poem.
Gautam
Comment Written 29-May-2006
Comment from Wendyanne
This is a lovely haiku written in your inimitable style AW. With a few well chosen words you manage to describe the essence of raindrops in such a spiritual way. Well done.
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This is a lovely haiku written in your inimitable style AW. With a few well chosen words you manage to describe the essence of raindrops in such a spiritual way. Well done.
Comment Written 29-May-2006
Comment from AlvinTEthington
As I understand it, haiku are not supposed to rhyme and if they do, the rhyme should be accidental (I have three haiku published in Japan, which do not rhyme), But otherwise you have done a fine job with this poem. It splits naturally into a phrase about nature in the first two lines, and a satori (moment of insight) in the last line. Nice alliteration in the third line, and there is a clear natural break between the second and third line--so clear that no punctuation is needed. Good job.
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As I understand it, haiku are not supposed to rhyme and if they do, the rhyme should be accidental (I have three haiku published in Japan, which do not rhyme), But otherwise you have done a fine job with this poem. It splits naturally into a phrase about nature in the first two lines, and a satori (moment of insight) in the last line. Nice alliteration in the third line, and there is a clear natural break between the second and third line--so clear that no punctuation is needed. Good job.
Comment Written 29-May-2006
Comment from Swtdreamz
Rain drops speak His glow- i love rain- it's soothing
Gift lives, move His ceaseless blow- true- makes life go 'round
Muse Him mute; round message flow- you have an interesting collection starting here
good job
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Rain drops speak His glow- i love rain- it's soothing
Gift lives, move His ceaseless blow- true- makes life go 'round
Muse Him mute; round message flow- you have an interesting collection starting here
good job
Comment Written 29-May-2006
Comment from Irina
Ah, haiku again. Wonderful again!
You said much in three lines!
You work well with such an interesting (loved by me, the the way!) form!
Thank you for sharing, ALCREATOR WRITER!
Irina
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Ah, haiku again. Wonderful again!
You said much in three lines!
You work well with such an interesting (loved by me, the the way!) form!
Thank you for sharing, ALCREATOR WRITER!
Irina
Comment Written 29-May-2006
Comment from mamre07
Every thing in nature shows forth the magnificent glory of god. this haiku is chock full of devotion and realization of the truth. Thanks for sharing and raining knowledge down on us. LOL!
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Every thing in nature shows forth the magnificent glory of god. this haiku is chock full of devotion and realization of the truth. Thanks for sharing and raining knowledge down on us. LOL!
Comment Written 28-May-2006
