THE CURSE
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "A Bloody Valentine"The six book of the Novels of the Breedline
7 total reviews
Comment from fm wright
Wonderful choice of artwork. As usual you have given enough information to explain what's going on as well as leaving out enough to keep one in suspense and wanting more. I especially liked the phrase about Kevin's heart being stolen. Great work.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2020
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Wonderful choice of artwork. As usual you have given enough information to explain what's going on as well as leaving out enough to keep one in suspense and wanting more. I especially liked the phrase about Kevin's heart being stolen. Great work.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2020
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Thanks Faye :)
I found the artwork on Facebook. I loved the girl werewolf. I saw it and thought of my character Jena. Glad you liked the scene about the detectives talking about Kevin's heart. Although it's sad, the banter shadows some of the dark side.
Thanks for taking the time to follow my story. I appreciate you!
Stay safe!
Hugs,
Shana :)
Comment from Mistydawn
Just when the detectives thought they're making headway a supernatural being is added to the mix. Your chapter is very well-written, interesting start to finish. I love the bits of humor you through in. It made the chapter seem more realistic. great job as always, I look forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2020
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Just when the detectives thought they're making headway a supernatural being is added to the mix. Your chapter is very well-written, interesting start to finish. I love the bits of humor you through in. It made the chapter seem more realistic. great job as always, I look forward to reading more.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2020
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Thank you, Mistydawn :)
The two detectives have their hands full along with the Breedline crew. I thought the banter between the detectives would shadow some of the grim scenes. Glad you enjoyed.
I appreciate you taking the time to follow my story.
Hugs,
Shana :)
Stay safe my friend!
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You stay safe as well.
Comment from cdefan
Great artwork! Good choices. It really stands out.
This chapter was interesting. I like the banter with the two detectives. It makes it believable. I wonder how they are going to stop Joseph from attacking more people. You have me intrigued. I will be wondering how you play this out.
Great writing!
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2020
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Great artwork! Good choices. It really stands out.
This chapter was interesting. I like the banter with the two detectives. It makes it believable. I wonder how they are going to stop Joseph from attacking more people. You have me intrigued. I will be wondering how you play this out.
Great writing!
Comment Written 18-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2020
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Thanks cdefan :)
Glad you liked the artwork. I really liked the werewolf girl. She reminded my of Jena. The two detectives have definitely been fun to write about. They have come along way in my story.
Thanks for taking the time to read my chapter.
Hugs,
Shana :)
Stay safe!
Comment from royowen
It's funny, our writing reflects what is buried deep within us, and your writing is part of you, as it is part of us all, it means we're much more of what appears to, you are a romantic of the highest order, so you see the need for investing your soul in your writing.well done, your writing is as near faultless as anyone's.
So, the covenant is involved now, and the evidence is that a heart was removed from the victim, formerly a boyfriend of Jessica, but Jena is a protector of the vulnerable. Well done girl, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2020
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It's funny, our writing reflects what is buried deep within us, and your writing is part of you, as it is part of us all, it means we're much more of what appears to, you are a romantic of the highest order, so you see the need for investing your soul in your writing.well done, your writing is as near faultless as anyone's.
So, the covenant is involved now, and the evidence is that a heart was removed from the victim, formerly a boyfriend of Jessica, but Jena is a protector of the vulnerable. Well done girl, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 18-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2020
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Thank you Roy :)
I appreciate all your kind and encouraging words. I am so lucky to have you follow my story. My Breedline stories gives me so much life and enjoyment. They are now part of my imaginary family. LOL!
Thanks for taking the time to follow my story. I appreciate your feedback and advice.
Stay safe my friend!
Always your fan,
Shana :)
Comment from ngage
Another great chapter, Ms. Shana. Really like the artwork. So now the Breedline and the detectives have to deal with the Shadow. I'm wondering if Jena will go after the new supernatural creature. Looking forward to finding out.
Nate
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2020
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Another great chapter, Ms. Shana. Really like the artwork. So now the Breedline and the detectives have to deal with the Shadow. I'm wondering if Jena will go after the new supernatural creature. Looking forward to finding out.
Nate
Comment Written 18-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2020
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Thanks Nate :)
Glad you keep following my story. Your feedback is important. The Shadow and Jena will surely meet up face-to-face again... no doubt.
Stay tuned my friend! Stay safe too!
Sincerely,
Shana :)
Comment from Anya Trofimova
I am new to this novel but would definitely read on! Your writing is incredibly engaging and all the characters come across as believable. Just a couple of suggestions from my side... Firstly, I would reconsider the choice of the word 'unhuman' in the line 'She said it looked evil and unhuman, like a man with demonic features...'. I think that the word you were looking for here is inhuman. However, the first meaning of inhuman is 'lacking human qualities of compassion and mercy; cruel and barbaric', which threw me a bit at first. I would possibly change it to a stronger word like unearthly. Also in the following section ' "I just spoke with Jena. The Detectives were right. She's the one that killed those two men. Jena said she had no choice. Her instincts drove her to save a young girl from being raped, and possibly murdered. But that's not the only reason I'm calling." She exhaled a deep breath. "Not long after Jena saved the girl, she came in contact with something unusually odd." ' I would possibly break this up into several sections with interruptions. This is a big reveal moment in your pieces and is incredibly gripping, so I think you can afford to tease your reader a little bit before blurting it out. Personally I would either have a couple of interjections in Tessa's speech. Maybe have Tim ask some more questions like what do you mean? Or say that again, the kin cut off... etc. Or you could consider not having the reader hear the first part of the conversation and make them work it out from Tim's reaction -> e.g. having him say what do you mean she saw a supernatural creature Tessa? etc.. from which would suggest the above. I like to give constructive feedback on other people's work but please feel free to take as much/as little on board as you wish. Hope this was helpful. Happy to chat more if you have any questions!
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2020
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I am new to this novel but would definitely read on! Your writing is incredibly engaging and all the characters come across as believable. Just a couple of suggestions from my side... Firstly, I would reconsider the choice of the word 'unhuman' in the line 'She said it looked evil and unhuman, like a man with demonic features...'. I think that the word you were looking for here is inhuman. However, the first meaning of inhuman is 'lacking human qualities of compassion and mercy; cruel and barbaric', which threw me a bit at first. I would possibly change it to a stronger word like unearthly. Also in the following section ' "I just spoke with Jena. The Detectives were right. She's the one that killed those two men. Jena said she had no choice. Her instincts drove her to save a young girl from being raped, and possibly murdered. But that's not the only reason I'm calling." She exhaled a deep breath. "Not long after Jena saved the girl, she came in contact with something unusually odd." ' I would possibly break this up into several sections with interruptions. This is a big reveal moment in your pieces and is incredibly gripping, so I think you can afford to tease your reader a little bit before blurting it out. Personally I would either have a couple of interjections in Tessa's speech. Maybe have Tim ask some more questions like what do you mean? Or say that again, the kin cut off... etc. Or you could consider not having the reader hear the first part of the conversation and make them work it out from Tim's reaction -> e.g. having him say what do you mean she saw a supernatural creature Tessa? etc.. from which would suggest the above. I like to give constructive feedback on other people's work but please feel free to take as much/as little on board as you wish. Hope this was helpful. Happy to chat more if you have any questions!
Comment Written 18-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2020
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Thanks Anya :)
Glad you enjoyed and thank you so much for all your advice. This is awesome! I really love to get feedback with helpful tips. I have learned so much on this site from other talented writers. It makes a big difference.
I appreciate it!
Stay safe and thanks again,
Shana :)
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You are very welcome!
Comment from Shirley McLain
An excellent chapter that I enjoyed reading. You did a great job with all your descriptions. You have a talent for monster stories. Take care and stay well. Shirley
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2020
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An excellent chapter that I enjoyed reading. You did a great job with all your descriptions. You have a talent for monster stories. Take care and stay well. Shirley
Comment Written 18-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2020
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Thank you, Shirley :)
Glad you enjoyed another chapter. This is very encouraging to hear. I appreciate your kind words and for taking the time to read my chapter.
Stay safe and thanks again!
Shana :)
