Love and Phoenix Tears
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "The Calm Before"A Harry Potter fanfiction!
7 total reviews
Comment from Bill Pinder
I enjoyed reading this creative story that is believable with the expressions of the characters' personalities and their dialogue. I really like how the expression of sexuality is handled with taste and an honest expression of the Various feelings involved. Looking forward to your next chapter.
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2020
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I enjoyed reading this creative story that is believable with the expressions of the characters' personalities and their dialogue. I really like how the expression of sexuality is handled with taste and an honest expression of the Various feelings involved. Looking forward to your next chapter.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2020
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Thank you so much for your kind review! I really appreciate your feedback :) It's always important to me when I'm writing to express the various feelings that come along with sexuality and relationships in general, so I'm happy it came across well! Thanks again!
Comment from susand3022
Where has THIS been??? Hi Alexandra! I'm such a Harry Potter fan that I fell right into this! I'm totally intrigued and IF I can manage the time, I'll go back and read the rest... it's hard to do that when you come in so late... and normally I wouldn't have even read something this far into a book, I knew the characters already! :) So, even though you'll never be able to publish it, it's a fun read! :)
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2020
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Where has THIS been??? Hi Alexandra! I'm such a Harry Potter fan that I fell right into this! I'm totally intrigued and IF I can manage the time, I'll go back and read the rest... it's hard to do that when you come in so late... and normally I wouldn't have even read something this far into a book, I knew the characters already! :) So, even though you'll never be able to publish it, it's a fun read! :)
Comment Written 07-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2020
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I'm so glad that you enjoyed it, and to find a fellow Harry Potter fan on here!! I hadn't worked on this story in a while, but I find when the world is particularly stressful, it feels really comforting to explore the HP universe and get back to this story. I would really appreciate it beyond words if you find the time to read and let me know what you think sometime! Thanks for your words and stopping by to read! =D
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
This is excellent writing. I haven't read past chapters but I was still sucked into the story with your amazing opening. You paint a scene so well. Great use of dialogue. An enjoyable and well written chapter.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2020
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This is excellent writing. I haven't read past chapters but I was still sucked into the story with your amazing opening. You paint a scene so well. Great use of dialogue. An enjoyable and well written chapter.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2020
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Thank you so much for your kind words. So glad you were sucked in and enjoyed it! (There's a lot more before this one if you find yourself with extra time to check them out!) Thanks again!!
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This is a good work of fiction; characters and dialogues are realistic and psychological contributory; good taletelling, plot development; well said; well done; thanks for sharing this.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2020
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This is a good work of fiction; characters and dialogues are realistic and psychological contributory; good taletelling, plot development; well said; well done; thanks for sharing this.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2020
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Thank you so much for reading and leaving your thoughts!
Comment from Marjon van Bruggen
Oh, oh! So he is going to cuddle her silly, eh? I think she knew quite well he would do that, once she invited him into her bed. No use to play the naive, innocent girl now. Only to sleep, nothing more? Come on! Who's going to believe you?
Nice story, I like it!
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2020
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Oh, oh! So he is going to cuddle her silly, eh? I think she knew quite well he would do that, once she invited him into her bed. No use to play the naive, innocent girl now. Only to sleep, nothing more? Come on! Who's going to believe you?
Nice story, I like it!
Comment Written 06-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2020
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Hahah, I like to think that they did only just cuddle this time. I know you jumped into a random chapter, but they just went through quite an ordeal and are probably pretty exhausted and haven't processed much of what happened yet. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and give feedback!
Comment from CrystieCookie999
Well-written fan fiction that is true to the spirit and details of the original Harry Potter series. It's always good to know that Lily Evans had friends. I only found a couple of places to fix or add commas. Here are a few:
"I know you missed me Evans
put a comma after me
The list had composed of twelve names
I would say: The list was composed of twelve names
Also, this is just me, but unless Mary went on to study anatomy or physical development of adolescents, I don't think she would say too much about 'remnants of baby fat.' Unless you have another chapter where Lily was a little chunky. Just suffice it to say, two or three years later, and Lily was two inches taller, or whatever you choose.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2020
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Well-written fan fiction that is true to the spirit and details of the original Harry Potter series. It's always good to know that Lily Evans had friends. I only found a couple of places to fix or add commas. Here are a few:
"I know you missed me Evans
put a comma after me
The list had composed of twelve names
I would say: The list was composed of twelve names
Also, this is just me, but unless Mary went on to study anatomy or physical development of adolescents, I don't think she would say too much about 'remnants of baby fat.' Unless you have another chapter where Lily was a little chunky. Just suffice it to say, two or three years later, and Lily was two inches taller, or whatever you choose.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2020
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Thank you so much for your generous - and very helpful - review! I made some fixes based on your suggestions. I must have overlooked those two at the top. I should rework that sentence with the baby fat, as well. There are a few sentences I need to work on, though I know I should probably focus on my original writing instead of fanfiction, this is just so fun to explore, especially at a time like now, where the world is filled with so much craziness and uncertainty. Thank you again for the review, and hope you're staying healthy and safe!
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Oh yeah, I am considering re-reading all the Harry Potter books, too. I started the first one then got distracted with other things, but I watched the movie again (for maybe the 110th time, ha ha).
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Haha, oooh, I've been wanting to re-watch the movies lately, too! If I end up getting a break from work, that's on my list! (and re-reading the books for the millionth time!)
Comment from Iza Deleanu
These lines brought closer the school of magic realm :"Eloquent my arse! I know that you're behind all of those dungbombs in the fifth year girl's dormitories. Do you have any idea how long it took us to clean that up!" By this point her face was so red that it was clashing wildly with her fiery hair. "
Thank you for sharing and stay safe my friend
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2020
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These lines brought closer the school of magic realm :"Eloquent my arse! I know that you're behind all of those dungbombs in the fifth year girl's dormitories. Do you have any idea how long it took us to clean that up!" By this point her face was so red that it was clashing wildly with her fiery hair. "
Thank you for sharing and stay safe my friend
Comment Written 06-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2020
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Thank you for reading, and for your comment! Glad you enjoyed. Please stay safe as well!
