Daughter
a dribble, 52 words32 total reviews
Comment from Gloria ....
This is a superb flash fiction, Bill. There is a tension built in at the beginning with the words still and cold that leads the mind to imagine there is something nefarious that either has occurred or is about to occur. Instead we learn Silas is a sculptor.
A lot of depth to this story, so best of luck to you with the Contest Committee.
Gloria
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2020
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This is a superb flash fiction, Bill. There is a tension built in at the beginning with the words still and cold that leads the mind to imagine there is something nefarious that either has occurred or is about to occur. Instead we learn Silas is a sculptor.
A lot of depth to this story, so best of luck to you with the Contest Committee.
Gloria
Comment Written 05-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2020
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Thank you, Gloria, for the kind review. This one has generated a strong reaction.
Comment from Michele Harber
This is well done. It's hard to get a twist ending in a story only 50 words long but, to your credit, you set me up believing I was witnessing a father-daughter reunion, only to surprise me when I found out he was merely carving her sculpture. You made excellent use of detail, particularly about the pleated skirt. I wish you luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2020
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This is well done. It's hard to get a twist ending in a story only 50 words long but, to your credit, you set me up believing I was witnessing a father-daughter reunion, only to surprise me when I found out he was merely carving her sculpture. You made excellent use of detail, particularly about the pleated skirt. I wish you luck in the contest.
Comment Written 05-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2020
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Thank you, Michelle, for the kind and specific review. Bill
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You?re very welcome, Bill.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Well, Silas will get his due if not in this life, then in the afterlife. You did a great job with this scary contest entry. I enjoyed (?) reading it because it was well written. This isn't a criticism! Thanks for sharing and best wishes. Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2020
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Well, Silas will get his due if not in this life, then in the afterlife. You did a great job with this scary contest entry. I enjoyed (?) reading it because it was well written. This isn't a criticism! Thanks for sharing and best wishes. Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 05-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2020
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Silas is a sculptor who has fashioned his daughter?s image. Thank you fo4 giving this a look.
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Sorry I misinterpreted your entry. I thought he killed her.
Comment from susand3022
From heartwrenching to heartwrenching... I'm not sure which is actually worse, Bille, thinking of the little girl in the coffin or thinking of the father so destroyed by her loss that he recreates her in stone so he never has to let her go. Both are brutal but this is worse.
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2020
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From heartwrenching to heartwrenching... I'm not sure which is actually worse, Bille, thinking of the little girl in the coffin or thinking of the father so destroyed by her loss that he recreates her in stone so he never has to let her go. Both are brutal but this is worse.
Comment Written 05-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2020
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Thank you, Susan, for the powerful review. I hoped this short story would do a number on the reader in a good way.
Comment from Suzanna Ray
Dear Bill, this post is not just a dribble flash fiction, it is a moment of emotion frozen in time. and like the statue chiseled in stone, held somewhere in our memory!
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2020
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Dear Bill, this post is not just a dribble flash fiction, it is a moment of emotion frozen in time. and like the statue chiseled in stone, held somewhere in our memory!
Comment Written 05-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2020
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Thank you, Suzanna, for the terrific review and exceptional rating.
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You are most welcome
Comment from lyenochka
Super job with this dribble because you tell a compelling story in 52 words! I am guessing either a sculptor mourning the loss of his daughter and memorializing her or perhaps just a father missing his daughter's youthful dependence on him. Best wishes in the contest!
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2020
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Super job with this dribble because you tell a compelling story in 52 words! I am guessing either a sculptor mourning the loss of his daughter and memorializing her or perhaps just a father missing his daughter's youthful dependence on him. Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 05-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2020
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Thank you, lyenochka. I really like this one.
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From your initial reviews, I can see a bunch of us love it, too!
Comment from LisaMay
I was trying to decide whether to be sad for him that his daughter had died, or distressed that he had killed her himself (for some unknown reason, I don't trust anyone called Silas), so it was with huge relief that I discover he is a skilled sculptor.
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2020
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I was trying to decide whether to be sad for him that his daughter had died, or distressed that he had killed her himself (for some unknown reason, I don't trust anyone called Silas), so it was with huge relief that I discover he is a skilled sculptor.
Comment Written 05-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2020
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Thank you, Lisa. I was hoping readers would take that short trip through sorrow to relief.
Comment from Teri7
This is a very interesting and very well written Dribble Flash Fiction story you have penned for the contest. You used very good descriptive words. Bet wish in the contest. Blessings, Teri
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2020
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This is a very interesting and very well written Dribble Flash Fiction story you have penned for the contest. You used very good descriptive words. Bet wish in the contest. Blessings, Teri
Comment Written 05-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2020
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Thanks, Teri
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you are so welcome!
Comment from Puzzle
This is really good. I thought the whole time his child had passed away. Then I got to that twist at the end. This is written really well and I enjoyed it. Good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2020
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This is really good. I thought the whole time his child had passed away. Then I got to that twist at the end. This is written really well and I enjoyed it. Good luck in the contest
Comment Written 05-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2020
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Thank you, Puz
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
Now that is a lovely dribble. I was thinking the daughter was dead, and was relieved she was a work of art! Good luck in the contest. Looks like you have a winner!
Hey, you might have to knock off two words, 50 is the limit, right? Hope I am mistaken. Check. If you have to delete two words, knock off "before him." It will not hurt the power of this writing.
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2020
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Now that is a lovely dribble. I was thinking the daughter was dead, and was relieved she was a work of art! Good luck in the contest. Looks like you have a winner!
Hey, you might have to knock off two words, 50 is the limit, right? Hope I am mistaken. Check. If you have to delete two words, knock off "before him." It will not hurt the power of this writing.
Comment Written 05-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2020
The rules say 48-52 words. Thanks for checking.
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Oh, that makes me happy for you! I would hate to delete even one word.
