Oh Life!
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "I Enjoy!"Experiences of living
139 total reviews
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
given,
whate'er asked,
though differently, I know,
my science thought goes wrong, as
unexplained power 'yond mort' offers all per
natural, unknown, mystic ord,
an unseen eye, keeps track
my needs, ask not,
given
I think your Rictermetre poem works well, ALD -
well penned, my friend.
Margaret
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2013
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given,
whate'er asked,
though differently, I know,
my science thought goes wrong, as
unexplained power 'yond mort' offers all per
natural, unknown, mystic ord,
an unseen eye, keeps track
my needs, ask not,
given
I think your Rictermetre poem works well, ALD -
well penned, my friend.
Margaret
Comment Written 06-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2013
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THANK YOU FOR YOUR NICE REVIEW.
Comment from bcool395
I think your writing flowed so swifltly through the whole selection. The structure of your selection was perfect as well. Your poemdrew on my emotions when you used the dialect you enscribed as it made me relate to my family back in West Virgina. I'd reccomend this poem to my grandmother for she could relate to this very well.
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2013
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I think your writing flowed so swifltly through the whole selection. The structure of your selection was perfect as well. Your poemdrew on my emotions when you used the dialect you enscribed as it made me relate to my family back in West Virgina. I'd reccomend this poem to my grandmother for she could relate to this very well.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2013
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THANKS FOR YOUR EXCELLENT PROFESSIONAL REVIEW.
Comment from adewpearl
whate'er asked is awkward - whatever asked is 4 syllables as is required, so why not just write out the word?
my/sci/ence/thought/goes/wrong/as - that is 7 syllables instead of 8
yond mort - I know you mean beyond mortal, but it sounds really forced
I like the way you get back to the original two syllable given
Brooke
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2013
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whate'er asked is awkward - whatever asked is 4 syllables as is required, so why not just write out the word?
my/sci/ence/thought/goes/wrong/as - that is 7 syllables instead of 8
yond mort - I know you mean beyond mortal, but it sounds really forced
I like the way you get back to the original two syllable given
Brooke
Comment Written 06-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2013
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THANKS FOR YOUR NICE REVIEW.
NOW YOU WOULD FIND THE CHANGES.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Alcreator Litt Dear
I like the way you changed your syntax to be more poetic ex.
'yond mort'
and how we should look on the spirital side of what we
cannot see.
Gert
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2013
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Hello Alcreator Litt Dear
I like the way you changed your syntax to be more poetic ex.
'yond mort'
and how we should look on the spirital side of what we
cannot see.
Gert
Comment Written 06-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2013
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THANKS FOR YOUR INSIGHTFUL REVIEW.
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You are welcome
Gerr
Comment from October21
Interesting. You have opened us up to a new perspective: looking through at who and what created us, at how we have become all that we are... Hmm... Liked your thoughts!
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2013
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Interesting. You have opened us up to a new perspective: looking through at who and what created us, at how we have become all that we are... Hmm... Liked your thoughts!
Comment Written 06-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2013
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THANKS FOR YOUR EXCELLENT REVIEW.
Comment from Nebukadneser
Absolutely brilliant! I love your alternative writing. You ask profound questions or share profound wisdom in your writings. Thus is an interesting verse structure, but it works well.
Thank you so much for your author notes. This poem deserves a six star . but I've run out.
Well done, oh wise one.
Nebukadneser
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2013
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Absolutely brilliant! I love your alternative writing. You ask profound questions or share profound wisdom in your writings. Thus is an interesting verse structure, but it works well.
Thank you so much for your author notes. This poem deserves a six star . but I've run out.
Well done, oh wise one.
Nebukadneser
Comment Written 06-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2013
-
THANKS FOR YOUR EXCELLENT REVIEW.
Comment from allborn66
This is a beautiful and profound poem. I love the contrast in it. The theme is very clear. I wonder if a different word choice would convey the meaning without shorting the words beyond easy recognition to meet the syllable count.
Barbara
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2013
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This is a beautiful and profound poem. I love the contrast in it. The theme is very clear. I wonder if a different word choice would convey the meaning without shorting the words beyond easy recognition to meet the syllable count.
Barbara
Comment Written 06-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2013
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THANKS FOR YOUR SUPER REVIEW.
Comment from Galactia
giv/en, (2) correct
whate/'er /asked, (3) FIX
though/ diff/er/ent/ly, /I /know,(7)FIX
my/ sci/ence /thought /goes/ wrong,/ as (7) FIX
un/ex/plained /pow/er '/yond/ mort' /off/ers /all /per(11) FIX
nat/ur/al,/ un/known, /my/stic /ord, (8) CORRECT
an/ un/seen /eye, /keeps /track(6) CORRECT
my/ needs, /ask/ not, (4) CORRECT
gi/ven. (2) CORRECT
This is a great poem, that needs a bit of work on the syllable count. The numbers in bracket indicate the current syllable count you have at present. TYhose with FIX next to it, means you need to fix the syllable count on that line.
Lines such as...
(# my needs, ask not,) makes me feel like you have lived in a foreign country way to long, losing the English way of speaking/typing.
good job
Regards
Tia
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2013
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giv/en, (2) correct
whate/'er /asked, (3) FIX
though/ diff/er/ent/ly, /I /know,(7)FIX
my/ sci/ence /thought /goes/ wrong,/ as (7) FIX
un/ex/plained /pow/er '/yond/ mort' /off/ers /all /per(11) FIX
nat/ur/al,/ un/known, /my/stic /ord, (8) CORRECT
an/ un/seen /eye, /keeps /track(6) CORRECT
my/ needs, /ask/ not, (4) CORRECT
gi/ven. (2) CORRECT
This is a great poem, that needs a bit of work on the syllable count. The numbers in bracket indicate the current syllable count you have at present. TYhose with FIX next to it, means you need to fix the syllable count on that line.
Lines such as...
(# my needs, ask not,) makes me feel like you have lived in a foreign country way to long, losing the English way of speaking/typing.
good job
Regards
Tia
Comment Written 06-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2013
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THANKS FOR YOUR PROFESSIONAL REVIEW.
NOW I HAVE FIXED/RE-WORKED.
HOPE YOU WOULD FIND IT OK.
Comment from God's Writer
A fabulous poem here my friend. Wonderful mastery of words. You weave for me a beautiful picture. Stop by my gallery and let me paint a picture for you.
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2013
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A fabulous poem here my friend. Wonderful mastery of words. You weave for me a beautiful picture. Stop by my gallery and let me paint a picture for you.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2013
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THANKS FOR YOUR WONDERFUL REVIEW.
Comment from mauial
Love this. Especially think you made a very valid statement about how we need to look at things beyond scientific esplanations and focus on the spiritual plane.
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2013
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Love this. Especially think you made a very valid statement about how we need to look at things beyond scientific esplanations and focus on the spiritual plane.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2013
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THANKS FOR YOUR EXCELLENT REVIEW.
